"Do you, Sylvia Jeanne Porter, take Benny Patrick O'Donnell to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The tall Elvis impersonator asks. "I do." I say with a wide smile. "Do you, Benny Patrick O'Donnell, take Sylvia Jeanne Porter to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The Elvis impersonator asks Benny. "Hell yeah, man!" Benny enthusiastically responds. "I now pronounce you, in the great city of Las Vegas, husband and wife. You make kiss the bride." The officiant says. Benny grabs my face and smashes our lips together. Slater, Kevin, Pink, and Don all behind Benny cheering. Jodi, Cynthia, Michelle, and Shavonne all behind me cheering. All our friends in the pews with smiles across their faces.
*record scratch* Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got in this situation. *Baba O'Riley by the Who's starts playing* Let's go back in time to 1976, my junior year at Lee High School...
*reverse back in time*
Let me tell you a bit about myself. I'm Sylvia Jeanne Porter and I'm 16. I have an older sister, Teresa, who's in college and a younger sister, Liz, who is gonna be a freshman next year. I love Angela Davis, Robert Redford, spaghetti westerns, Woody Guthrie, Gloria Steinem, history class, and mustangs. I think the Beatles and Bob Dylan are beyond groovy, too. I have 3 friends, Cynthia, Mike, and Tony. I mean there isn't much about me to know, dude. Okay, back to reality.
It's May 29, 1976 in Austin, Texas. Last day of school, thank fucking god. It's hazing day for the freshman. Poor kids are gonna get beat. Anyways, Cynthia is driving me to school in her white 1972 Chrysler Town & Country. Oh, did I mention that I love cars? Anyways, check out my threads!
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Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry starts playing and Cynthia and I are bopping our heads to it. Cynthia is like my soul sister. I know that's cheesy but it's true, man. We've been best friends since forever. We met Mike and Tony in 6th grade and all of us have been inseparable ever since. We're all dorky, mildly introverted, slightly nihilistic, politically intelligent kids with too many opinions.
Sweet Emotion started playing and Cynthia and I were screaming the lyrics. Steven Tyler can literally MARRY ME. We got into the parking lot and Cynthia shut off the car. "Last day, you ready?" She asks. "Let's get this shit over with." I say and get out of the car. We head to Ms. Wilkes class and chill there. "Hey!" I say and wave at Jodi, Shavonne, and Kaye. "Hey, Sylvia!" I get in response from all of them.
Cynthia and I see Mike and Tony talking to Pink in the doorway and head over to them. "Hey guys are we gonna play poker tonight?" Cynthia asks. I nod and Tony and Mike say sure. "Count me out. I'll probably be going to Pickford's party." Pink says. "We should do something like that! Goodwin's off on the senior trip. We can play poker anytime." Mike says trying to convince us. "Go to a party?" Tony asks in a concerned tone. Yeah, I'm kind of unsure. It's rarity for me to attend those cause I'm just not big on that kind of stuff and I'd rather just stick with my group. "Mike. Cynthia. Come on." Pink says. "It's under control." Mike says and Pink walks inside. "I don't feel comfortable at those kinds of things." Tony says. "Yeah me neither." I agree. "Pick us up at 8." Mike says. "Okay." Cynthia responds and heads back inside. I follow her.
Everybody starts talking about Gilligan's Island and I kind of zone out. I'm more of a MASH kind of gal anyways. Today I'm gonna branch out. Fuck it, I'll go to the Emporium. No, never mind. Not that far. How about we cruise the Top Notch. That's more reasonable. I really want a boyfriend. That sounds desperate, I know, but I see like Michelle and Pickford and my mom and dad and I want that. Maybe I could be like my mom and dad and be polar opposites. My mom was like me in high school aka a nerd. My dad was a jock. Who is like the polar opposite of me? Don? No, him and Shavonne got something going on. Pink? No, him and Simone have something, I think. O'Bannion? I'd rather kill myself. So that leaves...
Benny. Benny? Benny. Hmmm he's handsome. Charming. Goofy. Ahhhh stop. Let's focus on something else. Uhmmm have I told you about how Mike, Tony, Cynthia, and I's siblings are all friends? My little sister, Liz, Mike's sister, Maureen, Tony's sister, Heather, and Cynthia's brother, George, are all incoming freshmen and the cutest little group. Poor kids are gonna get hazed today. That reminds me, Cynthia and I gotta tell them to go easy on George. He's little and not the best at defending himself.
"I'm gonna tell the boys to go easy on Mitch." Jodi says which snaps me out of my trance, "That's what Sylvia and I were gonna do for George." Cynthia says. I nod with a smile.
"This is totally amazing. 'I voluntarily agree not to indulge in any alcohol, drugs, or engage in any other illegal activity that may in any way jeopardize the years of hard work we as a team have committed to our goal of championship season in '76.'." Mike reads the form out loud. "Bullshit." Pink mutters. "You guys are actually signing this crap?" Tony asks sitting next to me. "Apparently." Pink responds. "What are they gonna do next? Like give you guys urine tests?" Cynthia asks. "Preach!" I throw in. Cynthia giggles. "See, I-I just didn't know drugs and alcohol were such a big problem that they had to resort to neo-mccarthyism!" Mike says in a frustrated tone. "I think they're just afraid some of us might be having too good of a time." Pink says. AGREED! "It's the old age oppressing youth thing." Mike says. The forever bullshit. "Neo-mccarthyism. I like that." Tony says. I look at him with a confused face. "That's good Tony." Mike says.
We talk for a little bit then Benny and Don came to the door. "Pink! Come on!" They shout. Pink runs towards them as Benny says "We're off to raise some hell! Look at that! Look at that!" and shows pink his handmade paddle. Jodi, Cynthia, and I jog out of the classroom to the boys. "You guys, wait up! Hey guys, wait up!" Jodi yells at the boys. They stop and turn around. "Benny, I have a favor to ask you." I said and touch his shoulder. What the fuck am I doing????? "What do you need?" Benny asks with a smile on his face. "Please go easy on George this summer. The kid is little and Cynthia and I don't wanna have to take care of him if he's nearly dead." I say and Cynthia agrees. "Same with Mitch. He's kind of little." Jodi says. "George Dunn and Mitch Kramer?" Benny asks. "Yeah." Cynthia says. "Yeah, I'm gonna give him a beating he'll never forget!" Benny says and slams his paddle. "Just don't get him more than the other guys." Jodi says. "Please." I say. "You got our word, sis. Your brother will be okay." Pink says in a weird voice. "Thanks! See you guys!" I say and turn around. Benny smacks my ass. "Seriously?" I say. He smirks. I walk inside and Jodi says, "These guys, I don't know." and rolls her eyes.
