Stop Running Away

Chapter 2

 I have been told that I am a bad kisser. And now it is kind of being proved solid. I certainly did not expect this kiss can be so invading.

And, of course, I panicked. I cannot focus. I keep forgetting to breathe and being caught by Oliver's tongue.

His tongue keeps stirring in my mouth. I find myself barely knowing how to breathe. My lungs are getting exploded. I moan and push him away. I do not know the expression on his face now. I bet it would not be good. But I am just too embarrassed to even look at him.

What do I do? For god's sake, I thought it would only be a quick and plain kiss. Who would know it would turn into a tongue kiss? My mind is in a whirl. Tons of thoughts stuck in my mind. I wonder how I tasted. I regret I did not use any mouthwash. I worry he was having a bad kissing experience.

Probably I should just admit it, admit that I am a bad kisser.

"I am ...sorry...," My voice is slightly trembling. I feel dizzy. Gosh, I could faint. It could be the lack of oxygen to the brain caused by the stupid kiss.

"You need to stop saying sorry." His right hand hang naturally at his crotch while his left hand is still on my jaw. His hand finally got some warmth.

Right, call me a bumpkin. A kiss could probably mean nothing, especially we are outside a bar. Again, so not true in my culture, so not true in my view, so not true in my brain.

I am forcing myself to act normal and play cool with this kiss. I tell myself, 'it is common, and it literally happens thousands of times every second on this planet. Do not take it personally, Jia Qi.' And yes, that is my real name, Ling Jia Qi. Or a more familiar way to put this would be Jiaqi Ling.

I adjust my breath and raise my head. When our eyesights collide, I forget what I want to say. Dammit, what is wrong with me!

I guess the good thing is I do not see a playful, mockery look on his face. This is the first time I do crazy things like this, and I simply wish he is not an asshole. That is all I am asking for. I am simply asking for the guy I just kissed for the first time after four years is not an ASSHOLE. I do not think it is too much to ask.

Or if he is, I would not know. Just begging him to not show this side to me yet, at least not tonight.

I actually like his facial expression now. He is rather calm and apparently does not mind my rusty kissing skills. I can see a glimpse of curiosity in his eyes, which quickly turns to mild panic. His fluster makes me more bewildered.

Until his hand moves from my jaw to my cheek, I realize that I shed a tear. God no, I have no fucking idea where this tear is coming from. I have not cried for more than three years. I had run out of all my tears four years ago. Probably it just reminds me how good a kiss can be. Probably it reminds me of what it is like to be close to a real man. A handsome man. A man who just kissed me. And a man who has not been scared off by my tears, well, yet.

Huh, now Oliver is going to think that I am a freak. Or even worse, he might think Asian girls are all freaks, and I could definitely not live with that accusation.

"I... I do not know where this comes from...Could be this weather. Please do not see my weird." Yes, I am trying to blame the weather now. Even the weather would hate me now.

"You are actually weird." He laughs. Oh, good, now I am being officially announced as a weirdo.

"..." I have nothing to add to justify for myself.

Thank god a phone vibration breaks one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. I cannot thank the person enough for whoever is calling me this time. He finally moves his hand away from my face.

I sigh a relief and fumble in the pocket of my coat for the phone in hectic. Right, who else it can be except the real Caitlyn. I quickly flip my phone screen over since Caitlyn's name is popping on my screen prominently. I subconsciously look at Oliver, worrying he may see Caitlyn's name.

He had turned his face away from me. Both of his hands are in the pocket of his black shearling leather jacket, leaving his left cheek to me. He has an angular jawline, and I want to slide on it. Hearing what I am thinking right now makes me realize that probably I am insane tonight.

"I will be back soon," I tell Caitlyn without actually listening to what she said and hang up on her. I guess all I want to do now is run away from the predicament I caused. And let myself consider what happened tonight as a good affair. I do not even know if people nowadays are calling this scenario A Good Affair. But who cares.

His body tilts a little toward me and says nothing but nods to me. Like he heard what I said to Caitlyn, and he just permitted me to go.

My hand is hanging in the middle of the air. Because for a short moment, I am seriously thinking if I should wave Oliver goodbye. Or probably not, since cool people will not do that, right?

He sees me, chuckles at me, and says: "bye," with both hands still in his pockets.

Oh, God, another stupid move was seen through by him. I stiffened for a moment, trying my best to squeeze a smile back, then walked quickly into the bar without the courage to even say goodbye.