Stop Running Away

Chapter 5

I feel jaunty for a moment. A very short moment.

The jaunty comes from my ability to identify men. Though the instant I sense the irony in this thought. If anyone asks me to name one biggest failure of my life, I might give the very same answer — failing to identify men.

Oliver took me to a small hill not far away from Matt's house. I do not know how things are supposed to go at this point in real life. However, judging from all the North American romantic movies I have seen, it is about time the boys took the girls home.

But, hey, look where I am now. I am literally walking on a slippery path to the top of the hill.

"I am not taking another step." I sit on the icy unsurfaced road with Oliver's hand on my arm. He did try his best to save me. But after all, this is my third tumble.

He grins and helps me up. "It will not happen again, I promise you." He tilts his head to mine, takes my hand, and whispers to my ear.

My entire body starts to burn. I know I should not be such a soft touch, but my legs are not listening to my brain. They just help themselves stand up and start to walk.

"Are all Canadian boys doing this?" When we finally reach the top, I have to admit I am a little surprised by the view up here. It is not the galaxy star cliché, but more like a place that makes me calm. All I could see were scattered lights, probably from Matt's neighborhood. Everything else was engulfed by darkness, quiet and beautiful.

"Doing what?" He looks back at me.

"The mountain thing. Forcing girls to climb it in the middle of the night." I wink at him and exhale a cold breath.

"I do not know about others. And it is hardly a mountain. You know it." He pinches the tip of my index finger.

I laugh. I like hanging out with Oliver. I like him for understanding my lame humor. I like him for not asking me more things that I do not want to answer. I like him for being considerate and thoughtful.

So I may lose my mind again. And I am about to make the boldest move in my entire life.

I am kissing a guy. A guy who is not my boyfriend, and barely my friend since we only have met twice. A guy who kissed me once about two months ago. A guy I feel safe and comfortable being with for the first time in four years. A guy named Oliver.

My palms clench nervously into fists. I am afraid that Oliver may push me away, then I will be socially dead for sure.

But I do not really care about all of that now. We are on a hill where no one can see us, and I feel the urge to kiss him. So I am doing it. He is so tall, I had to raise my head hard to kiss him on the lips. His lips are so soft and cold, and I might just lick them.

He grabs my upper arms to push me away from him. Oh, God, it is literally happening.

Call me a dead person now.

"Open your mouth." His right-hand moves to my jawline and touches it gently. His other hand is on the back of my head.

I cannot think straight, but I do as he said unconsciously. The next thing I know is that he has pressed his lips on mine. His tongue is slowly drawing circles on my lips. Then moves to my tongue. He sucks my tongue like he is tasting a fine dish.

I feel like standing on a cloud. All my strength is pulled off from this kiss.

Ouch, suddenly Oliver bites my tongue.

"Focus." My eyes are shut tightly. His voice is authoritative and full of lure.

Sure, whatever you say. Whatever you want, Oliver.

I put my arms around his neck. It makes me warm and greedy. I want more and more. Oliver senses me, and he presses my head harder to deepen the kiss, and everything starts becoming frantic.

I swear to god I was never this eager about a kiss. And being a bad kisser, the whole kiss becomes a lot messier than I could imagine. I just made his entire lower face wet, and he seems to cannot care less.

He gasps for breath, presses his forehead to mine, and whispers to my ear, "Do you want to come over to my house?"

My brain cannot work functionally. But things now seem to go the right way. Most importantly, I do want him badly.

"Yes," I lean my head on his shoulder and answered him in a panted voice.

Only the moment I cooled down in Oliver's car, I changed my mind. I am an adult, I know what is going to happen, and I do not think I am very much against it, especially if it is going to happen to be with Oliver.

However, I just do not want it anymore, at least now. Suddenly the idea of going to have sex with a guy makes me extremely nervous. I feel nauseous. I have to roll down the window a bit to be less sick.

I bite my lips and stare at the street view from the window. I am actually thinking about jumping out of Oliver's car or finding other excuses not to go to his place. I guess, either way, I am going to lose Oliver. I don't fucking care though. Really do not give a damn shit. All I want to do now is run away.

"We don't have to do this if you are not ready." I am stiffed when I hear about his emotionless voice. But soon I feel such a relief. I turn my face to look at him. He is looking straight on the road with both his hands gripping the steering wheel.

"Thank you." I cannot figure out anything else to say right at this moment. It is a genuine thank from the bottom of my heart. Although I guess he does not care to know.

He makes a U-turn right after he hears me. I think he is pissed.

I rummage my phone in my purse and find out Caitlyn has gone completely mad. My phone is about to explode with Caitlyn's messages and missed calls.

10 missed phone calls and countless messages.

"Where are you?!"

"Matt says you left with Oliver Parker? For real? Call me back!!!!!!"

"For god's sake, Ling Jiaqi, give me a fucking call!!!!"

"Tell me you guys are fucking. Or I will never talk to you. LITERALLY!"

She probably has to stop talking to me. I make a forced smile while I am going through Caitlyn's messages.

"I am on my way back to Matt's," I reply to Caitlyn on Message.

She calls me directly and I hang up on her immediately.

"Vic, you are so not hanging up on me!!!!" I can imagine her roaring now.

"I cannot talk. I am in his car." I have no intention for Oliver to know what is happening here with Caitlyn. And Caitlyn knows me well so she gives up calling me.

But she just would not give up throwing messaging bombs at me, "!!!!!Wtf!!!!"

...Yep, I know Caitlyn is going to make a big fuss about it. That is why I did not tell her when things first time happened between Oliver and me. I do not want her to think that I am finally open to guys and ready to build another relationship. The truth is that I may never be able to. But the tricky part is I do not want Caitlyn to know about it and worry about me.

All these years, she tried to set me up with different guys, our classmates, lawyers, teachers, accountants, firemen, and even surgeons. I had no idea where she found those people. She always says the best way to forget the last relationship is to start a new one. She could be right, but I will not even bother to try. I think I have lost my ability to love anyone anymore. So I rejected all of her kindly offers.

She never sees me with any guy in four years until now. Therefore, I guess it is totally understandable that she went crazy.