Stop Running Away

Chapter 6

 Caitlyn went silent. Right after I told her everything that happened between Oliver and me. Caitlyn has been a pain in my ass for days. Simply because she desperately wanted to know the romantic story of Oliver and me in her imagination.

Therefore, when the truth reveals, she is stunned.

She opens her mouth, wants to say something, but ends up licking her lips. I get what she is going to say.

"No chance for us anymore, huh?" I asked Caitlyn, pretending to be relaxed. Several days have passed since Christmas. Oliver and I never spoke after I got off his car that night. I guess I kind of deserve it.

Caitlyn went silent, again. Rarely to see her like this. "...I am sorry, Vic."

"I cause all of it, so I am totally fine with it. Why would you be sorry? I am actually good." I convinced myself that I am all good these days. I told myself Oliver is nobody but just another passenger in my life. But there is a sour sadden feeling all the time, and I try everything to ignore it.

She turns her swivel chair uneasily and looks at me distressed.

"Have you finished your part of the essay?" I use my ballpoint pen to knock her head.

"Ouch, Vic," She covers her head like she is dying.

"Only two weeks from the paper due, if you cannot finish your part of the paper by the end of this week, our group is going to be so screwed." I intimidate her. But it is also the truth. Professor Layton of the Marketing class is famous for being extremely strict with students. His final is made up of a final presentation and a written paper. The paper's due is in two weeks from now, and the final presentation will be at the end of January. I am so worried about this course because I cannot bear my grade to go under anywhere than A-minus. That is where I draw the bottom line of my academic life.

Caitlyn yawns, "Ok, ok. I got it." She turns her chair back, "How can you never complain about all these schools' bullshit?" She asks me genuinely while she finally starts typing on her laptop.

Oh, Caitlyn, you could not be more wrong. I complain. I complain a lot.

It is already 2 a.m. in the morning, and I am still working my ass off in the library room to write a paper and prepare for the final. I can be so frustrated with the decision I made to pursue a master's degree. Especially moments like now, I have no idea why I torture myself like this. I spend time communicating with some retard classmates so I can wipe their asses off when they mess up with our group work. I spend time writing my papers every night until dawn so I can submit them on the due. I spend time reading books as thick as dictionaries so I will not fail my tests. All my time is taken up by those stupid moves, and I constantly ask myself why.

I am so busy that I do not even have time to eat a proper meal ever since Charismas. Every day I eat frozen mashed potatoes, frozen pizzas, frozen pasta... I fucking hate eating those convenient foods, but I just do not have time to sit down and have a decent meal because of this stupid graduate school life.

So, Caitlyn, I do complain. I just cannot admit it.

The only reason I got myself into this shit-hole is because of my failed love story. Because I did not dare to face my family and friends back in China; because I needed a reason to run away from my tragic memories. And most importantly, to avoid hearing anything about Lu Yu.

I planned to get married right after college and go back to China for good. But I guess plans always fall behind changes. After Lu Yu broke up with me, I sort of had nowhere to go after I graduated from college. I was just too broke to even consider going back to China. Applying for the same graduate school program with Caitlyn became my best choice at that time.