Her Touch

8

DIDN'T KNOW how to feel, or why she kissed me. As she sat across from me while browsing through her phone, I couldn't help but stare at her. Does she know the repercussions of people finding out what we did? Has she forgotten that she is my teacher?'
"What's on your mind?" She asked as she placed her phone down and looked at me, a smile on her lips.
"Why did you... ummm... kiss me?" I stuttered while trying to not make eye contact with her.
"Isn't it obvious?" She asked as she leaned closer to me, a strand of her hair grazing the tip of my nose.
"I know that you shouldn't have," I said lifting my eyes to meet hers. I saw conflict within them.
She let out a deep breath, "too bad, I really like you," she said cupping my cheek, "you're eighteen, right?" She questioned as she brought her face closer to mine.
I nodded as she pressed her lips against mine, "you like me?" I questioned rhetorically, not too sure how I felt about that. I wasn't too sure how I felt about her.
"Since I saw you in those pictures," she said, making me remember when Natalie told me that Ava thought I was extremely pretty, "you're very beautiful," she whispered as she sealed our lips together. Her tongue slowly sliding against my bottom lip, "that was nice," she whispered as we parted, "you're a good kisser."
I smiled as she began to run her fingers through my hair again, "I like you too," I said as I closed my eyes, "but I don't confide in people," I informed making her kiss my forehead.
"You're closed off, you'll open up to me in time," she said as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
"What are you saying?" I asked as she rested her chin on top of my head.
"Am I being too blunt?" She questioned as her thumb caressed the side of my neck.
"Kinda... I guess."
"I don't mean to be but I really like you, Kylie, can we take it from here and see what happens?" She asked, bringing her head down to lean her forehead against mine.
I let out a deep breath. Even though I was beginning to feel comfortable around her, not feeling the need to push her away, I didn't want what she was saying, "I'm not ready for that," I whispered, disappointing even myself.
"I'm not forcing you to do anything, let's just be friends then and when you're ready, I will be right here," she whispered before kissing my forehead.
"Are you willing to sacrifice so much for me?" I wondered why she would put her job on the line just for my companionship.
"Life's too short, and I have liked you for a very long time."
"We only met over a month ago."
"You've only known me for that period of time, but I feel like I have known you forever," she said making me back away from her.
"This is weird," I said getting off the bed. I didn't know what to think. She was confusing and scaring me.
"I'm trying to tell you that I like you," she said letting out a heavy sigh, "oh my God, I'm sounding stalker crazy, aren't I?"
I looked back at her and pressed my lips together, not saying anything, before I walked out of my room, down the stairs and into the kitchen. I really needed a little space.

"Kylie, come here," my father called. My mother was in the kitchen making dinner.
"Yes, daddy," I said as I stood by him next to the chair.
"Sit on daddy's lap," I nodded and did as told but felt uncomfortable.
"Daddy something is poking my thigh."
"It's okay, honey, would you like to touch it?" I shook my head, wanting to run into the kitchen to find my mother, "I bet you'll like it," he said as he lifted me up and placed me to sit next to him, then proceeded to place my hand over the bulge in his pants.
I immediately retracted my hand away from it and scooted to the far end of the couch, "I don't want to," I said tears building up in my eyes.
I then felt a sudden slap across my face, before he placed his palm over my mouth to block the scream from escaping my lips, "tell your mother and I will kill her," he threatened, making me hastily nod.

"Kylie, I'm sorry for scaring you. I just think that you're beautiful from the inside out," she said catching up to me in the kitchen. I leaned on the counter trying to regain my comfort zone, "I know I'm your teacher, and you're only eighteen, and I'm your grandfather's god-daughter but I really do like you. Is that wrong for me to say?" She walked closer to me and gripped my side, making me flinch.
"Don't, I'm not ready," I said as I pushed her away from me.
"Kylie, are you okay?" My grandfather called, making my body shake.
"Yeah, she's just feeling uneasy," Ava said as I heard his footsteps coming closer to me.
"It's okay, honey, I'm here," he said as he wrapped his arms around me. I began to cry on his shoulder, as my grip tightened around his neck, "no one's going to hurt you," he added, making my sobs worsen.
"Ava, what happened?" He asked as he helped me into the living room and onto the sofa where I wrapped my arms around my knees and buried my face into a cushion.
"I... I..." I heard her voice breaking, "is she going to be okay?" She asked, making him sigh.
"Yes, this hasn't happened for a while now. Had anything been completely off with her lately?"
"Umm... no... I don't think so."
"You likely wouldn't know anyway, she doesn't open up to anyone, including her mother," he let out a deep breath, "it's been years, everyone has moved on, but she can't seem to, especially not after what took place," his voice broke and I looked up from my pillow to see his face saddening.
"I'm not a virgin, Ava," I said as I sat up, my head resting on the back of the chair.
"Honey, what are you talking about?"
"I think maybe it's time for you guys to know, especially since I had a meltdown. I'm tired of keeping it a secret. I can live with you pitying me," I sighed as she walked over and took a seat next to me on the chair.
"What is it?" She asked, her eyes looking into mine with concern.
I closed my eyes, trying to not remember what happened, "Kylie, I already know what happened," he said, making me shake my head.
"You don't, no one does except mom and a few police officers. It's not something to tell people," I said as Ava placed her hand in mine, which made me immediately pull away.
"What is it then?" He asked coming over to sit next to me as well.
"Can I please get some space?" They both got up and sat down on the couch perpendicular to the one I was sitting on.
"I want to see him," I said, making my grandfather want to say something but I continued, "I want to show him what I have become. I'm not afraid of him anymore, grandpa, I was a child then but now it's different. I want him to suffer just the way mom and I did, I want him to feel the same..." I paused for a moment, "pain I have felt. But I know what he has done to me can never be the same pain that I can ever give him," I closed my eyes as tears began to fall, "you think he only hit us, mistreated us and used mom as a punching bag?" I shook my head, "he has done much worse than that," I mumbled looking down at my thighs.
"What more did he do, Kylie?" My grandfather asked. I was hesitant to tell them. After keeping the truth locked up for such a very long time, I was tempted and deterred too. Everyone already looked down at me with pity. What I would tell them would make the pity party even worse.
"Kylie," I heard Ava say, they were getting impatient, even I was impatient with my lack of words. I just wanted to say it, but then that would make everything that happened real again, but it was real, it was not something made up, but the court ruled it as that-just my imagination.
"He made me do things," I swallowed, "things a little girl shouldn't do. He was my father but he seemed to think of me as one of those whores that he always cheated on mom with," I looked up at them, surprise and realization in their eyes, "he raped me repeatedly," I took a deep breath as my voice became strained, "he used me like I was some sex toy, and I never said anything. I never said anything because I knew what he was capable of doing. I was only five but it seemed like I lost my childhood because of him, worse thing is that I barely remember any of it, yet it is so clear in my mind what he did," I felt the tears flowing down my cheeks, "when mom caught him fingering me while I was in bed, she immediately moved us out and filed charges against him, but he didn't let us go without a fight, which also lead him to threaten us with a gun. We didn't even know he owned one," I shook my head as fragments replayed in my head, "he was drunk off of his ass, I don't remember that night much, but I do remember the gun being in my hand," I sighed and fiddled with the fabric of my slacks, "I shot him in the arm, which didn't make me look good in court. He somehow got off all the charges without a dent in his name, while I'm left broken for the rest of my life."
"How is that even possible, what happened to the evidence?" I knew she was referring to a physical examination report, which was a mandatory procedure for sexual assault reports.
"It was ruled inadmissible because the doctor who did it tainted the evidence somehow. I really can't replay the details of what happened, but all I know it that he got off."
"I can't believe Jaclyn refused to inform me about this. That motherfucker... I am going to kill him," Grandpa growled, making me flinch.
"Kylie," Ava moved closer, "I'm here," somehow letting out what I had kept locked away for so long released a lot of my emotions, and I didn't feel like pushing her away at that moment. As I wrapped my arms around her neck, I found a new kind of comfort, something I'd never felt before.