Her Touch

12

I COLLIDED WITH my bed, my face being smothered into my pillow, "Kylie?" I heard Ava's voice again and then felt her face against my upper back. She kissed the side of my neck, before running her fingers through my hair. I let out a deep breath as her gentle touch made my heart flutter, "tell me when you feel uncomfortable and I will stop," she said as I flipped over to face her.
Her eyes were glossed with worry and concern, her hand grazed against my shoulder and her smile gave my broken heart a little bit of happiness.
"Kylie, ugh, I'm such a bad mother," my mother began to rant as she stormed into my room, not realizing someone else's presence, "but it's been a while since you've had a breakdown and I guess I forgot how to be a mother and I'm so sorry," she said, before realizing that Ava was in the room and noticed how close we were to each other.
"Um, I'm going to go downstairs, come get me if anything, okay?" I nodded as Ava left the room, my mother's eyes trailing behind her, until she was out of sight.
"Okay, so, um... that girl..."
"She's just a friend," I mumbled as my mother walked closer.
"You did say that you're seeing someone, baby," she said, sitting in the exact position that Ava was earlier in.
"Fuck," I grumbled, regretting what I had said.
"She seems nice, is she why you've been having these emotions again?"
"She's good for me, I think," I sighed, "it's not her fault that I have outbursts, it's just that I know in relationships you are supposed to have this required intimacy and I'm not ready for it. I don't know if I will ever be."
"And she is pushing you?"
I shook my head, "she said if she only gets to hold my hand, that she would be content. She is really sweet, mom, but I just feel very guilty that I can't give her more."
"Don't be, baby, if she really likes you, your presence should be enough for her and it's good that you are facing your fears, just remember, one step at a time, don't push it, okay? And don't be afraid to let someone into that beautiful heart of yours, because you deserve all the love that the world has to offer," she said, before wrapping her arms around me. I didn't realize that I was crying until the tears began to stream rapidly down my cheeks.
"I love you, mom."
"I love you too, baby," she cooed, before kissing my forehead and wiping the tears away with the pads of her thumbs, "come on, let's go back downstairs," she said as she got up, "and let's hope your grandfather doesn't give me another lecture."
"You never expected that to happen, so don't blame yourself too much," I assured as I got up and she cupped my cheeks with her hands.
"It was my fault, not completely, but I should have left, if I did, none of what happened would have and you would be happy," I saw tears running down her cheeks, "I wish I was stronger for you," she whispered, making me close my eyes and inhale deeply.
"It's the past now, there is nothing we can do to change it," I said, making her drop her hands from my face and I walked out of my room, with her in tow with me. I ran down the stairs and into the living room, where I saw everyone was seated in silence.
"Kylie, are you okay?" I heard Natalie ask and looked at her to see that she was seated next to her sister.
"Yeah, I think so," I said shifting on my feet uncomfortably.
"So Ava, you're so grown up now, do you still attend school or are you already out in the world of opportunities?" My mother questioned, walking over to the couch where Ava sat. Ava seemed to want to be cautious with what she said, especially because it was obvious that my mother had noticed something between us in my room.
"She graduated college a year ago," Mrs. Reese interjected, "now she's teaching at the high school," she added.
"Oh, that's nice," mom said, "what subject?"
"Literature," there was an awkward silence, before mom looked at me with a stern look.
"So Kylie is in your class?" Ava nodded hesitantly, as I walked over to my mother. She looked at me and I gave her a smile, letting her know not to say anything.
"That's nice, so Diane, I see you have forgotten to tell me about this little one," mom looked over to Natalie.
"She can be a shy one," her mother chuckled, before picking up the little girl into her arms.
Natalie giggled, "hi, you're pretty just like Kylie."
"Well, thank you, you are very pretty too," Natalie smiled.
"I love your ring, where did you get it from?" The little girl asked curiously.
"Oh, my fiancé," she stretched out her hand, "you're engaged?" Mrs. Reese asked with a questioning raise of her brow.
"Oh yes, for a while now actually," mom bit down on her bottom lip, before continuing, "that's something I want to talk about too," she looked at me.
"You set the date?" I questioned and she nodded, "that's good."
"It is, you'll get to visit the city," I nodded, "you're going to come, right?"
"Of course, I am."
"What are you two talking about?" My grandfather questioned.
"The wedding is planned, dad, it's in three weeks," I took a deep breath and sighed. I was happy for her.
"Oh," he said not too enthusiastic. His hostility toward her had not died down yet, "I'll see if I can make it."
My mother nodded knowing that he likely would have, before turning her attention back to Mrs. Reese, "I would love it if your family could join, it's nothing big, less than fifty people."
"We would love to, are you keeping it in the city?" My mother nodded, "great, Philip, we are going," the man nodded and I looked over to Ava. I could have shown her around the city, which made me a bit excited. I looked over to my mother and saw that she caught me staring at Ava. I pressed my lips together and acted like nothing happened.
* * *

After Ava and her family left, mom brought out her travelling bag from her rented car and took a shower in my room, not that they weren't about two more available rooms in the house, but she wanted to have a sleepover.
"Ava seems really nice," I heard her say as she walked out of the bathroom.
I nodded and sighed, "I really like her."
She walked over and took a seat next to me, "not to try and ruin what you two share, but I don't know what to think about her being your teacher."
"Yeah, I know, it kinda scares me."
"Baby, just be careful, don't get her in trouble," she kissed my cheek, "and don't break her heart either, okay?" I nodded.
"What if she breaks my heart?"
"Well, that's when big momma steps in," she chuckled.
"You're so weird, but I love you."
"Yeah, yeah, you say that now, but when you fall for Ava, you'll forget all about me."
I shook my head, "you know you're the only one I really trust," she sighed and pulled me closer.
"I'm your mother; how can you resist my hugs and kisses?" She squeezed me closer to her.
"Do you think I can ever be comfortable with anyone else?" She nodded against my shoulder.
"You will, in time, you just have to build that trust and I know you will," I sighed, "but please try to break out of your comfort zone, give Ava a chance, and if it doesn't work out, at least you would be broken out of the isolation you are in."
"What if I end up trusting her when she doesn't deserve it?"
"Do you think she deserves it?" I nodded.
"Then give her a chance."