Her Touch

9

Grandpa's rage made him call my mother to give her a piece of his mind, resulting in her calling me after and saying that she was taking a leave of absence from work to come see me. The weekend was over and school was as usual. I did my normal routine of tutoring, but I avoided Ava as much as I could. It was hard since she was my teacher and I saw her every day, but I didn't help her out anymore, at least until I cleared my head.
I knew that she liked me, and I liked her too, but I could never fulfil her needs and desires, which made me know that it was useless for her to be with me, and it was for the best as well, since she was, in fact, my teacher and there were a lot of consequences if anyone found out.
My grandfather must have suspected something about us, but didn't voice whatever he thought was going on, knowing that it was already a sensitive topic. But in all honesty, I was fine. It was nothing new that happened. The only conflicting thing was that I was developing feelings that I shouldn't for a woman who shouldn't have reciprocated them either.
In her classes, I actually listened, allowing new knowledge into my mind and a distraction from my life. Literature helped with occupying my time. When I wasn't in class, I would be reading through the textbooks, or sometimes rereading the novels. I did all of that within two days, which made me realize that nothing could have distracted me from my problems.
It was Tuesday and my head was hurting, including my heart. My focus on Ava was getting too personal, since I wasn't only paying attention to what she was saying but also her mannerisms, like how she would lick her lips almost every five minutes, or how her hands would randomly sway in the air, which was so cute. I couldn't deny my feelings for her, but I couldn't be with her, and that was what affected me the most. She knew about my past and the events that haunted me, yet she still seemed to want me regardless of it all.
That day when I broke down, she didn't bother to go to the fair the next day. Instead, she stayed at home with grandpa and was there for me. She kept her distance, but was in my room lounging on my bean bag chair.
The thought made my heart flutter. For her to just want to be there for me was something that made my feelings for her even stronger. But after she left that night, I didn't talk to her the next day at school, or the day I was currently in. She must have realized that I wanted space and time, and maybe she needed to process the situation as well.
After class was over, I left without a second thought, not wanting to get into a conversation with her just yet. I was afraid that she would try to kiss me again, but the thought alone made goosebumps form on my skin. I didn't understand my emotions. I wanted her, yet I was too afraid to indulge myself. I let out a deep breath as I leaned against my locker, getting lost in my thoughts, before remembering about the essay that I was supposed to write. I smacked my forehead with the palm of my hand, before walking back to Ava's class, knowing that once I had a free period, she did as well, so she was likely alone.
I rapped on the door and waited for her to open it. After she did, she looked at me with surprise, before allowing me to enter without a word. I walked over to her desk and just stood there awkwardly, as I waited for her to close the door.
When she did, I let out a heavy sigh, as I gripped the strap of my satchel, "the essay, I totally forgot about it," I said, knowing that it wasn't a good enough excuse. She nodded and walked over to her desk, before taking out a piece of paper from a folder.
"You can write it now if you'd like," I nodded as she handed me the paper. I already had a lot in a folder in my satchel, but was grateful for the offer.
"Thanks," I said as I walked over to the desk in front of hers and sat down. I took a pen out of my satchel, before dropping the bag onto the floor and began to write a random topic off of my head.
"So how have you been?" She asked, making me lift my head up to lock eyes with her. I felt an electricity run through my body from the intent stare that we were giving each other.
"Um... uhh..." I cleared my throat, before forcing my eyes to look back down at the paper, "I'm fine."
"Okay, so you've just been ignoring me?" She whispered and I could feel her emotions. Am I hurting her? Am I making her sad?
"I'm sorry, I just... I..."
"I know, it doesn't mean I can't miss you," I pressed my lips together, as I continued to write.
"My mother is coming for a visit. I wonder how that is going to pan out," I said, knowing that my grandfather and her weren't on the best of terms at the moment, because she never told him about what happened.
"I met your mother once I think, when I was a baby? At least that was what my mother told me."
"My mom moved away from here three years before I was born, so it's likely she met you when you were a baby," I said making her chuckle.
"I feel so old and I'm only twenty-three."
"Do you need a physical relationship?" I blurted out, not even realizing that those words slipped out of my mouth until after it did.
She got up from her seat, walked over to the desk beside me and sat down, "you mean a sexual relationship?" I nodded, feeling my tension building up. She shook her head and placed her hand on mine, "does this make you feel uncomfortable?" I took a deep breath as I looked down at her hand on top of mine.
"Kinda, I have a problem with affection," I informed as she removed her hand and placed it on her lap.
"I really like you, Kylie, I'm interested in you sexually, but that's not all I want from you," she said, sincerity laced with her words, "as I said, I don't mind being just your friend. Maybe it's best that way, since I'm still your teacher, but I would hope to be something more someday, even if it's just a relationship where we hold hands, I will be content with that," I felt myself starting to tear up. She really was an amazing person if she was willing to bare up with me just for my companionship.
I leaned closer to her, not caring that we were in her classroom and that it was a risk. As I pressed my lips against hers, a tear escaped my eye.
She was soft and applied no pressure, and as my discomfort began to seep in, I backed away, but really enjoyed it, "thank you," I said as I wiped away the stray tear, "but please don't get your hopes up, I may disappoint you."
She shook her head and began to run her fingers through my hair, a gesture that I happily accepted, "you're doing great so far. I didn't expect you to kiss me, until a month more or so, but you already did," she smiled.
"You deserve it," I said as she stopped running her fingers through my hair, maybe not wanting to overstep my boundaries for too long, "I liked it, maybe we can try it some other time too."
"I would love that," she brushed her hand against my shoulder, as she got up and walked back over to her desk. She sat down, not breaking eye contact with me, which made my insides swarm with a new feeling. I couldn't describe what it was but it was definitely something I had never felt before.
After I finished writing the essay, and I read it over to check for possible errors, I gave the paper to her which she accepted with a smile. The bell signalling for lunch rang, and I decided to stay with her, since the day before I had to stand against my locker for the entire hour, resulting in my feet becoming sore.
"You didn't bring an egg salad sandwich, did you?" She arched her brow, as she took the paper bag out of her handbag.
"Were you stalking my mother this morning when she was making me lunch?" She questioned, slipping the sandwich out of the paper bag.
"I just assumed, lucky guess," I grinned, "can I have half?" I pouted with over exaggerated puppy dog eyes. She chuckled before giving me half of it.
"You're getting out of your comfort zone already," she said as I took a bite of the sandwich.
"Maybe I'm just hungry."
She shook her head, "I'm glad you're not as closed off as you were before."
"Well, it's hard to be so closed off when this teacher keeps on giving me weird looks in class," her eyes widened.
"I... ugh... didn't mean to," she stuttered, making a laugh escape my lips.
"I stare at you too. By the way, you lick your lips too often."
She arched her brow, "you're looking at me very intently, I hope you're paying attention to what I'm saying and not only what I'm doing."
"Yeah, yeah, I can multitask."