layers | john bender

[03] "Fuck you!"

3. ᴅɪᴄᴋ ɪs ᴀ ᴅɪᴄᴋ

"Bender, that's, that's school property there...you know, it doesn't belong to us. It's something not to be toyed with."
As usual, Brian babbles and we all ignore him. Bender let's go of the door and it slams shut. He runs over back to the table we are sat at and sits on me.
"God, you're fucking heavy"
Andrew turns furiously towards the both of us.
"That's very funny, come on, fix it!"
I'm too busy trying to get Bender's heavy ass off of me to notice that Andrew and Bender are yelling at each other.
"Am I a genius?"
"No, you're an asshole!"
Bender gets off me and sits next to me. He then taps me.
"What a funny guy! Do you hear this guy?"
"Fix the door Bender!"
I honestly had enough of them especially Andrew's yelling.
"Everyone just shhh!" I yelled out. They quiet down quickly. "If we don't stop screaming, Vernon is gonna walk his ass right in here."
"I've been here before," Bender seems to be getting slightly irritated with us. "I know what I'm doing!"
"No! Fix the door, get up there and fix it!"
I turned to Andrew and so did Bender , our faces clearly irritated.
"Shut up!" We both said in unison. Andrew was practically fuming. I mean we hadn't done anything bizarre, he's just a goody goody.
"God damnit!"
Bender and I looked at each other and I placed my head down in a swift motion. Vernon came prancing in, his face wearing the same look as Andrew.
"Why is that door closed?"
Everyone stood silent and I raised my head to look at Dick. He asked the question again with a more aggression, trying to seem authoritative. Too bad he doesn't know my father.
"Well Dick if I may, you asked us not to speak." I speak up in the crowd of silence. Bender snickers then stops once Vernon looks at him.
"How're we s'posed to know? We're not s'posed to move, right?" Bender looks back at me and I nod in agreement. Dick then turned to Claire and asked why. Surprisingly she sticks up for Bender and tells Vernon that we were just sitting here like we were told. He then looks back at Bender.
"Who closed that door?"
"I think a screw fell out..." Bender replies. Vernon then looks at me, looking for an answer. I pointed at Bender.
"What he said."
"It just closed...sir." Andrew spoke up. Again surprisingly standing up for Bender as well. Vernon then looks at Allison who's been quiet this entire time.
"Who?"
Allison let out a squeal and slammed her head down, covering her face with her jacket. I muttered an 'ouch' seeing her slam her head down.
"She doesn't talk sir..." Bender speaks in a sarcastic sad tone with a little sigh at the end. Vernon looks again at Bender and puts his hand out.
"Give me that screw."
"I don't have it."
"You want me to yank you outta that seat and shake it out of you?"
Like Andrew, Vernon was just walking himself right into the ditch we call John Bender.
"I don't have it...screws fall out all the time, the world's an imperfect place."
"Give it to me, Bender."
As if Claire was reading my mind, she spoke up.
"Excuse me sir, why would anybody want to steal a screw?"
"Right, that would be extremely stupid and quite frankly, I don't think Bender is that stupid." I agreed with Claire—weird— and looked over at Bender.
"Watch it, young ladies."
Vernon then walks away from us and goes over to the screwless door. He tries putting a metal folding chair.
"The door's way too heavy, sir."
Bender tries to contain his laughter and puts his face on my shoulder. I cover my mouth to not laugh as well. The door slams shut and we both let out snickers.
"God damnit!"
At this point, we all couldn't contain our laughter and started laughing. Vernon opens the door again and we instantly covered our mouths to stop. He comes back over to us and points at Andrew.
"Andrew Clark. Get up here."
Andrew gets up but looks as confused as ever.
"Come on, front and center. Let's go."
As Andrew walks over to Vernon, Bender winks at me to go along with what he's gonna say next.
"Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?"
"Yea if he gets up, we'll all get up!"
Bender puts one foot down and has the other on the seat.
"It'll be anarchy!"
Bender sat back down and I laugh. He joins my laughter as Vernon and Andrew ignore us and attempt to push the magazine rack to the door.
Once they get it to the door, we realize it's blocking the doorway completely.
"That's very clever sir, but what if there's a fire? I think violating the fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir." I giggle at Bender's formality as Vernon yells at Andrew to move the magazine rack like if it was Andrew's fault. Brian speaks out on how there's fire exits at each end of the library. I look at Brian and motion for him to zip his mouth while Bender glares at him.
"Show Dick some respect!" Bender points at Brian in a reprimanding way.
Andrew and Vernon return to the area of the tables and Vernon tells Andrew to sit back down.
"I expected a little more from a varsity letterman," he then turns to Bender and points at him the same way Bender did with Brian. "You're not fooling anybody, Bender! The next screw that falls out is gonna be you!"
Bender places his arm on the top of the chair and leans back a bit. As Vernon turns to walk away, Bender speaks under his breath.
"Eat my shorts..."
Vernon turns around again and faces Bender in disbelief.
"What was that?"
"Eat my shorts!" Bender practically yells out, making sure Dick knows what he said.
"You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister!"
"Oh, christ."
"You just bought one more right there!"
"Well I'm free the Saturday after that, beyond that, I'm gonna have to check my calendar!"
"Good! 'Cause it's gonna be filled, we'll keep goin'! You want another one? Say the word, just say the word! Instead of going to prison, you'll come here! Are you through?"
"No!"
I look at Bender and he's seriously not giving up.
"Im doing society a favor!"
"So?"
"That's another one, right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one?"
"Yes!"
"You got it! You got another one, right there! That's another one pal!"
I hit Bender's shoulder making him turn to me.
"Cut it out!"
Claire looks at him and mouths 'stop.' I turn to her and we look at each other, worried clear on each other's faces. For once, I wasn't mad at her, we had the same concern.
"You through?" Vernon speaks up again.
"Not even close, bud."
I shake my head and look at Claire, searching for help since she's the good girl.
"Good! You got one more, right there!"
"Do you really think I give a shit?"
"Another."
I slam my head down like Allison did earlier and forget about helping Bender.
Their arguing goes back and forth for longer than I expected, Brian even joined in—not intentionally— until Vernon started getting on Bender.
"Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe. You know something, Bender?  You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people. You might be better off."
I wanted to say something but I dealt with enough with having one detention, imagine another.
"Alright, that's it! I'm going to be right outside those doors. The next time I hafta come in here, I'm cracking skulls!"
Vernon leaves and I pick my head back up and look at Claire who looks at me with a look telling me 'I'm sorry I wish I could do something' I shrugged and looked at Bender who's clearly frustrated and over everything. He looks over to the door.
"Fuck you!"