layers | john bender

[13] "The outstanding title of 'Bender's whore.'"

13. ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴡᴀʀᴅ ɢᴏᴇs ᴛᴏ ʀʜɪᴀɴɴᴏɴ ʙᴇʀᴋᴇʟᴇʏ

Claire turned over to Andrew with a smile. "What can you do?"
"I can, uh, tape all your buns together."
I chuckled at his remark and I looked over at Claire.
"I wanna know what Claire can do!" I clapped my hands once excitedly. She shyly shook us off. "I can't do anything." Bender finally chirped in, not saying anything crazy. "Now, everyone can do something."

"There's one thing I can do." She shook her head and placed her hands on her face. "No, forget it, it's way too embarrassing."
I laughed as Bender brought up 'Wild Kingdom.'
"Yeah, Red, that guy's be doing that show for
thirty years."
Claire soon gave in. "Okay, but you have to swear to God, you won't laugh. I can't believe I'm actually doing this." She reached over to grab her purse. She pulled out a lipstick and opened it. I knew just what she was doing. She placed the lipstick in between her cleavage and applied the lipstick perfectly onto her lips. Everyone clapped and I giggled, impressed at her talent. Bender sarcastically clapped, seemingly not impressed.
"All right, great! Where'd you learn to do that?" Andrew was completely impressed with her hidden talent and I didn't blame him. I've tried to do it before, never could get the lipstick to stand.
"Camp, seventh grade."
"That was great, Claire...my image of you is totally blown." Bender surprisingly didn't laugh but still made a joke of her.
"You're a shit! Don't do that to her you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!"
"No one laughed-"
"Am I laughing?"
Andrew didn't hear me or rather just didn't care as he shouted out, "You fucking prick!"
"What do you care what I think anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference...I may as well not even exist at this school, remember?"
I looked down at my zipper once again. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell Bender it was okay but it wasn't. Everything just went downhill so fast.
"And you guys," Bender pointed at all of us. "You guys don't like me anyway!"
I was hurt he included me. I pulled away and sat back in the spot I sat in originally. I looked back at him before speaking up.
"You know, I have just as many feelings as you do and it hurts just as much when somebody steps all over them!"
I knew Bender wasn't upset with me, Claire, Brian or even Allison but he sure was upset with Andrew. He had been since Andrew said what he said earlier. When words hit John Bender, they hit hard.
"God, you're so pathetic!"
I scoffed at him. I wasn't pathetic in my dad's car, what was different now?
" Don't you ever...ever! Compare yourself to me! Okay?" He pointed at Claire this time as he continued his rant. "You got everything, and I got shit! Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably fucking shut down if you didn't show up! 'Queenie isn't here!'"
He looked back at me, going off on me this time.
"Hey, I like those earrings Rhiannon."
Claire mumbled a quick 'shut up.'
"Fuck off Bender."
"Are those real diamonds Claire?" He pointed at her earrings this time. "Is it real pearls Rhiannon?"
"Shut up!" I spoke louder this time hoping his dumbass would stop taking it out on us. It only made things worse on my end. He stopped going back and forth and just focused on little ole me. "I bet they are. Did you work, for the money for those earrings?" I shook my head at him and flipped him off. "Shut your mouth."
"Or did your daddy buy those?"
"Shut...up." I didn't sob like my body wanted to. Instead I let the tears drop down my face as I looked at my boots. I looked up towards the ceiling, blinking a few times to stop myself from crying. As my eyes dried, I looked back down, wiping the tears off my cheeks. Bender quieted down a bit seeing that I was crying. He wasn't done letting all his anger out and I didn't want to stay mad at him but Jesus Christ did this man know how to hurt people.
"I bet he bought those for you! I bet those are a Christmas gift! Right? You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family! I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said 'Hey! Smoke up Johnny!' Okay, so go home'n cry to your daddy, don't cry here, okay?"

I pushed his knee and looked at him. I could hear Andrew sigh but I didn't look away from Bender. I wanted him to know I was mad. Everyone stood silent for a bit 'til Andrew spoke up. "My God, are we gonna be like our parents?" I broke my stare from Bender and wiped my face once again to ensure all the tears were gone. I shook my head as Claire answered for the both of us.
"Not me. Ever."
Allison was on the verge of tears herself and I looked at her as she spoke up. "It's unavoidable, it just happens."
"What happens?"
"When you grow up, your heart dies."
Bender was still slightly upset but his frustration calmed down a lot. "Who cares?"
I looked back at him. "I care." He had a hint of guilt shadow his eyes but he instantly looked down. Brian finally spoke up after a long moment of him silently watching everything. I looked over at him as he spoke. "Um, I was just thinking, I mean I know it's kind of a weird time, but I was just wondering, um, what is gonna happen to us on Monday? When we're all together again? I mean I consider you guys my friends, I'm not wrong, am I?"
I shook my head as I, too, considered everyone including the dork to be my friend. "No."
"So, so on Monday...what happens?"
I looked over at Claire who I'd, ironically, call my friend. Bender and I have always been friends since my family moved here in the 8th grade. It was no different with Al as we've skipped class plenty before.
It was different with Bri, Andrew and Claire.
"Are we still friends, you mean? If we're friends now, that is?" Claire asked Brian but she knew what her answer was already. Everyone did.
"Yeah."
"Do you want the truth?"
"Yeah, I want the truth."
"I don't think so..."
Allison looked at everyone before settling on Claire. "Well, do you mean all of us or just Rhiannon and John?" Again, everyone knew the answer. We were all just hoping Claire being 'queenie' she'd put in some faith.
"With all of you."
"That's a real nice attitude, Claire!"
"It's the truth, Mr. Athlete." I rolled my eyes at Andrew and gave him a sarcastic laugh.
"Be honest, Andy. If Brian came walking up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? I mean picture this, you're there with all the sports. I know exactly what you'd do, you'd say hi to him and when he left you'd cut him all up so your friends wouldn't think you really liked him!" Claire spoke loudly towards Andrew and he knew she was right.

I mean none of us belonged together. It wasn't normal for the Junkies, Nerds and Popular kids to hang out in high school. We all belonged to our own groups, and that's exactly where we are expected to stay until the end. It's unsettlingly cliché but it was the truth. High school is a social hierarchy and it's only preparing you for the real world.
"No way!" Andy acted as if the scenario Claire created was all a lie but he knew it wasn't.
I turned to Claire and Andrew. "What if I came up to you?" Allison nodded. "Yeah, what if I came up to you too?"
"Same exact thing!"
I messed with my boots again as I can practically feel the heat and frustration from the man besides me. "You are a bitch!"
"Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?"
"No! 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do to someone! And you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell 'em that you're gonna like who you wanna like!"
I faced Bender. As much as I wanted to agree with him, life wasn't so dandy.
"That doesn't make her a bitch, it's fucking high school. I hated, hell, I even envied these people," I pointed out to Andrew and Claire. "You're just a hypocrite. Why don't you take Alli to one of your heavy metal vomit parties? Or take Bri out to the parking lot at lunch to get high? What about Andrew or even Claire? For fucks sake, I'm not even seen with you in school. The only time we are seen together is doing crazy shit that gets me the outstanding title of 'Bender's whore.'" I looked around at everyone with a pleading face. They all nodded except for Bender. "Your friends would laugh if they saw you walking around with Claire, you'd have to tell them you were fucking her so they'd forgive you for being seen with her!"

I was out of breath from that rant and clearly it wasn't over as Bender looked at me furiously, not wanting to admit to the unfortunate reality we live in. " Don't you ever talk about my friends! You don't know any of my friends, and you certainly never even tried being around my friends! You're constantly on me like a lost puppy! So stick to the things you know, getting wasted, skipping class, trying to get attention from your piece of shit father and living up to your reputation."
My eyes began to water, I knew he was right about certain things but by no means did that give him the right to bring shit into the conversation that had nothing to do with this. "Shut up, John!"
"And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways at school, you can forget it! 'Cause it's never gonna happen!"
Claire put her left hand on my shoulder and her other on my back. She glared at Bender before speaking to him, "I hate you!"
"Yeah? Good!"