Silent songbird

Chapter 9

I knocked once. One more time. One more. I knocked on the old white door one last time before an old looking woman opened the door. I looked at her and thought I could see Maoka's face in the lady's one. I smiled awkwardly and introduced myself as Amylee's acquaintance. She returned a smile like mine and told me that Amylee had been gone since summer last year. She was with Maoka in Paris for school. I felt as if my whole world had just been crushed in tiny sharp preaces that were now cutting deeply into my flesh. I felt as if something tried to squeeze my heart into a flat thing. That was something I didn't even think about. I asked the women when they would come back and she told me that in the summer she would be back. I couldn't believe it or hear any more of this so I just thanked her and I decided to walk back home since that's all I could do anyways. I could have called my mother or my sister but it was only two kilometres and now I knew the way.

It seemed as if it had been an eternity since I was walking. I was thinking about everything. Wondering if I could wait until summer or if I should get therapy or anything like that. I drank the last coffee but I was still really tired. One kilometre and the train would be just there. Instead of getting clearer, the horizon was darkening. I walked until a light appeared. I couldn't see well because of the drastic luminosity change. I just continued walking since I was on the side of the road but just as the light was at its closest to me, everything went sombre again. I tried to blink so that I could see but my head felt so heavy that it fell back to the ground. This is when I realised I was laying down. The last trace of light, the one that made me able to see a person coming closer to me started to fade away.
Was I that bad? Seems like my promise to change wasn't good enough for whoever I promised it to. Maybe I was destined to simply be bad, try to change but die when I finally find a way to do it. No. This can't be right. I am alive. I will live and see Amylee again. This is why I am still alive. I would have been dead for a long time if Amylee wasn't there somewhere. I can't fall asleep now.
I can't fall asleep. I still have something to live for.

I can't remember the last time I laughed. Neither can I remember where I got all that motivation from. I used to be great at school! Now I am no better than any of those weird persons who I used to call my friends. Friends! How hard have I hit my head? Those sorts of things don't exist for people like me. Maybe I really deserve to be in this situation after all.
I was walking in that deserted and obscur street. I was so lost in my dark thoughts that I hadn't heard his high pitched voice or felt his little hands grabbing my coat. It was when her voice rang in my head that I stopped and removed my headphones. He looked at me with those huge forest colored eyes and she asked me if I could watch over Maxence for a while. Maxence, my nephew. My sister's son. This 5 years old angel, that one who didn't stop staring at me with anticipation gleaming in his eyes as her mother, Kyela walked away while waving her hand in the air as a goodbye.
I've always found it funny that this child was the complete opposite of me even if we have the same blood running through our veins. I used to be that one energetic kid in my class. A troublemaker. He is a calm angel with blond hairs and I was a little demon with hairs that looked like buffy crow wings. My dark brown eyes look like two black marbles while his greenish-brown eyes just make him look even purer. Only the fact his father is unknown gives him that little defeated look when other children in his class compare the gifts that their dads gave them for christmas while he can't.
Other memories followed by reflections followed until everything was blurry and quiet. Only Amylee was standing there, smiling. She took my hand in hers and smiled. She did the exact same thing she did that day with her hands but this time, instead of looking at her scar, I stared at her moving mouth. "Friends". I didn't realise it back then but she moved her lips to say friends. She practised to be able to say words even if it is physically impossible for her. I closed my eyes. She wanted to be nothing more but friends. She just wanted that but I pushed her away like plague. I compared her with a monster when I was it!
She gave me her hands so I took it. Her little child sized hand disappeared on my own. I followed the happy child I made suffer. I accepted my fate and followed that part of Amylee I killed so long ago. Her happiness, her confidence, her trust in herself and others. I do not forgive myself but I am ready to run beside her forever now. Is this really how death is? If I pay attention, I can hear a familiar cry. I've heard it before. A woman I know. My mother. Why is she crying? Where am I now? I can't see or feel anything except this floating sensation. I can hear sounds that seem so far away. I feel like I am between two different paths but I can't move or choose one of them. I will just have to stay still until someone pushes me.
Until somebody wakes me up from this long sleep.