Love, Death

22. intimacy

we sit here

in candlelit darkness

i feed her milk

as you hold my hand

the room keeps

the scent of hay

the mud you dragged in with your boots yesterday

and the roses you gave me

on a birthday i'd forgotten

i have never felt

more at peace

and in this moment

my resolve wavers

i find myself thinking

that maybe

i should not go back

maybe, i should stop digging graves

in exchange for more life

you kiss me on the forehead

and you ask me,

what's wrong

i place my head against your shoulder

i weep

it's been a rough day

it is okay to tell you that

it isn't a lie at all

and you don't ask me why

you never do

i wonder

if you've ever doubted me

i guess, i'll never know

because it starts to rain

storms brew

and when you glance down at our child

she is covered in eyes

i wonder if it happened

when i wished for a change in destinies

to be born again

as someone else

in another life

another place

in another's arms

because i can't do this anymore

please, please

let me be born again

i do not want this life

i was made

for so much more