Safe Place

12: Fire And The Winter Soldier

Natasha's POV:

*THERE'S SOME STUFF ABOUT THE WINTER SOLDIER IN HERE, BUT IT DOES NOT FOLLOW THE TIMELINE, NOR DOES IT FOLLOW THE CA:TWS STORYLINE*

I feel Wanda's gaze on me as I head down the hallway, and I have to bite back a huge grin. Once I've shut the door to my room behind me, I collapse on my bed, flinging my arms to the side. I let myself smile as I rummage through my nightstand to find earbuds.

I listen to slow song after slow song, Wanda never leaving my thoughts. I think of her crying in my arms, laughing at my jokes, tossing Todd the Jerk Server across the room, squealing in delight as we drive top-down. 

I picture the way she looks after crying, with pale skin and red cheeks and black makeup splattered around her eyes like ink. How she looks when she's just showered, with a dark, wet braid and a glowing face. 

How she looks when she's excited or happy, her eyes sparkling, her laugh lingering in the air, her loose hair framing her giddy smile. When she looks at me like that, everything in me melts. It's all I can do to stay upright.

I never felt this way about Bruce, or about anyone, for that matter. I'd had crushes, some stronger than others. He was one of the deepest. But Wanda - she's on a whole other level. 

Everything I had with Bruce was real and good and beautiful. But then he left, and everything crumbled to ash, like a fire had burnt it down and nothing remained. I didn't think I could ever build anything on that wobbly, charred excuse for a foundation ever again.

And then out spun Wanda. Wan and her flowing brown waves and her perfect-pale skin and the red fire that burns inside her. Her fire, unlike Bruce's, had the power to create instead of destroy. She built me up again, in a couple week's time, and left a tiny piece of her fire within me.

It burns. Every time I see her, that fire sparks and spits and tingles and glows. You love Wanda, it hisses, embers edging its words. You're in love with Wanda Maximoff.

I tried to shove it down and snuff it out with all the emotionless coldness I'd learned in the Red Room. But her fire was too bright, too warm, too strong. And here I am now, blushing, flaming, finally admitting to myself that I am head-over-heels for the Scarlet Witch.

And maybe, just maybe, she might like me back.

I'm too bouncy to just lie here and listen to romantic music, so I jump to my feet and leave my room. I almost trip over Steve, who's sitting with his head in his hands in the middle of the hallway. 

I plop down next to him. "Something the matter, Rogers?"

He looks up, stone-faced as ever, but something in his blue eyes looks shattered. "If I told you, it'd take all day and most of the night."

"Good thing I'm not busy, then."

He takes a breath. "Fine," he relents. "But no questions until the end."

I nod.

"Do you remember the Winter Soldier, Tasha?" he asks me. "You remember how he got away from us, and I told you I didn't think he'd be a threat anymore?" His voice shakes.

I nod again, scooting closer to him. What else can I do?

"You asked me why, and I wouldn't tell you. But I think it's time to. Nat, before I was frozen in ice, before I even became Captain America, I was a skinny little kid from Brooklyn. I had one friend, a best friend. His name was Bucky."

"We did everything together. When we got older, Bucky enlisted in the war. Even though I was tiny and slow and a freaking asthmatic, I eventually followed him. I missed him too much, and I felt terrible that I was doing nothing as our country fought this terrible war."

"I got the super-soldier procedure done. Then I found Bucky again, and we fought side by side. Until - " Steve's eyes fill with tears. "There was one mission. On a train, in a snowy forest. He fell. I couldn't save him. My best friend, my Buck, he was gone." 

"And then he wasn't. See, the Winter Soldier - that was him. I didn't understand. When we fought, he didn't remember me, or his past, or even his own name. I couldn't comprehend why the beautiful and kindhearted man I knew had somehow turned himself into an assassin."

"So I figured that it must have been someone else. And where he fell...it was right next to the biggest HYDRA base on the globe. Dr. Zola - you remember him, the guy in the computer - he lived there. And I'd been hearing for a while that he wanted to experiment with brainwashing techniques to make a 'newer, better, deadlier' super-soldier. The only person who could destroy me, and he made it out of my best friend."

"I pushed all this down. I didn't want to think about it. I mean, he'd been gone so long, I'd come to terms with it. But..." He trails off and picks up his phone. "I just got off a call with a woman who called herself Shuri. She said that she was the princess of a place called Wakanda, and just when I was about to hang up, she told me that she had a man named Bucky here that was asking for me."

I grip his arm.

"Shuri said that he crashed a plane outside of Wakanda. Wakandans rescued him and brought him to her to be healed. Bucky said he was trying to get as far away from people as he could, because he was dangerous. He said that he had been brainwashed and turned into an assassin by HYDRA, and that his memories were finally coming back to him."

"She did a scan and then a complex surgery. Apparently, she's a genius or something. Shuri started spewing a bunch of scientific nonsense that only Tony would understand, but then at the end, she said that he was back. That he could no longer be controlled by HYDRA, and that he would be like himself again. But she also said that he remembered the details of every mission he was sent on."

"He had a lot of trouble, a lot of really bad PTSD, and some severe depression and anxiety. But it's been a year, and Shuri says that he's stable and doing a lot better. And -" He falters, fiddling with his fingers. "She said that when he was first brought in, he told her to call me once he was mostly back to himself. And then he told her to do whatever she had to do to make it so that he wasn't a HYDRA weapon anymore."

"Shuri said that he wanted to see me. And I want to see him so badly. But I'm scared, Nat. I'm scared that he'll try to hurt me again, and I'll have to fight him. I'm scared he won't be the Bucky I knew. I'm scared he will be the Bucky I knew. I don't know what to do," he sobs. 

"Because he wasn't just my best friend. I was in love with him."

"Oh my god," I whisper. "Steve. Oh my god."

Steve nods, tears still dripping down his face. "I know. It's crazy, right? Shuri said to think about letting him come live in the compound. No one knows who he was or what he did, so it should be fine in that respect. I'll just say he's an old friend. But I - I just - " He can't finish. He just dissolves into tears.

I push away every other thought, even the giddiness that I was feeling about Wanda such a short while ago. I need to focus on my friend right now. He needs me.

I wrap my arms around him and hold him tightly, letting Captain America sob in my arms.

Hiiiii,

So yeah. That was kind of a summary chapter, and I'm sorry that it was so boring. But things will heat up soon!

Nat's still oblivious to the whole Wanda-Vision relationship, but she seems pretty in love with Wanda. Should be an interesting next few chapters :)

I'm so grateful for all you guys and all the votes and reads! I really hope you like the story!

How is everyone's morning/day/afternoon/evening/night going?

Treat yourself today. Do something you really love - watch your favorite movie or show, eat your favorite snack, read your favorite book, hang out with your favorite people - do what makes you happy!

I just found this really cute stuffed monkey I forgot I owned,

Sunny :O