Safe Place

13: Those Feelings, Green, and Scarlet Red

Wanda's POV:

*THE NEXT DAY, AT DINNERTIME*

It's dinner, and Vision's sitting next to me, and he's holding my hand. And he's my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend is holding my hand.

I glance over at Nat, sitting directly across from me - why, I don't know - and try to catch her eye, but she looks out of it. Her face is set into a deep, heavy expression, and she keeps squeezing Captain America's shoulder. 

Huh. I hope everything's okay.

"Nat," I call across the table. Her head jerks upward in surprise. Feeling completely and utterly stupid, I wave at her. She waves back.

"Hi, Wanda," she says, her tone oozing with you're-so-sweet-and-childish-that-I-can't-not-humor-you. But she grins at me, so I know she's kidding, and I can't help but smile back. 

The only problem is that I might be having a heart attack, because my entire chest is fizzling and crackling, and I feel all hot and flushed, and I can't breathe right.

Vision gives my hand a squeeze, and just like that, all the warm and sparkling feelings fade. I'm left with just regular Wanda, with the air of the compound settled coolly around me, and my heart beating at a normal speed.

But I kind of miss the old feeling.

I shake myself. As in, physically shake myself, wagging my head back and forth so hard my neck creaks. Vision gives me an odd look.

"Are you alright, Wanda?" he asks in his ever-proper tone. My stomach grows cold and heavy with that dread-like feeling, and something inside me twists.

It's nerves, I remind myself. Just nerves. You like him, you're just nervous. This is what liking someone feels like.

Really? a voice at the back of my mind nags. Liking someone feels like a deep, wet pit inside your stomach? A heavy weight pressing down on you? 

In every romance movie I've ever seen - which, to be fair, is very few - liking someone doesn't feel heavy, or cold. It's never calm. It's a wild storm. A hot, raging, glittering storm.

Electricity everywhere, breath short and shallow, shooting sparks, searing heat, whirling minds and thoughts, whirls of butterflies in stomachs.

I want to feel like that. I want that feeling. And maybe I've watched more romance movies than I think, because it feels almost achingly familiar. 

When I look at my boyfriend, though, there's none of that. But maybe it comes with time. All I know is that right now, there's Vision. Vision is soothing, logical, and smart. He cares about me. And if I'm being honest, we're supposed to be together - the stone in his head is what made both of us into who we are now. We're soulmates, I guess. We should be together.

Right?

"Wanda?" he asks again, and I realize with a start that I've been staring right across the table. 

Right into Nat's eyes.

I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy, because everything inside me feels like it's short-circuiting. It reminds me of something, this feeling, but I can't think what. I push it back, almost subconsciously. 

Nat blinks at me, then turns to Sam on her other side and starts talking loudly. I stay there, frozen, my hand limp in Vision's.

"Wanda!" he repeats, and this time, there's a bit of a sharp edge to his words. 

"Sorry, Vis, I'm sorry," I say, squeezing his arm. "I zoned out for a bit."

He smiles down at me. Something deep inside me flinches.