Safe Place

25: Messiness, Labels, and Pancakes

Wanda's POV:

Pepper and Maria will not stop teasing me about Nat. It's making me uneasy, because they're essentially my closest friends, and I'm lying to them about something really big. 

Luckily, Thor has headphones in. He's watching season three of My Little Pony on one of those toddler iPads in the huge rubber case. He says he's over a thousand years old, but if I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was five.

Pepper smiles at me excitedly as she changes lanes, and I can practically feel Maria's burning, tell-me-everything stare. It's not that I don't wish my - our - lie were true. If a genie appeared and granted me three wishes, the first thing I would wish for was to have Nat as my real girlfriend.

Yes, I may have watched a few Disney movies late last night to try and impress Nat with my knowledge. Aladdin is a masterpiece.

"But, seriously, you guys are adorable!" Maria squeals. She almost never deviates from her signature low, businesslike voice, so I know she must be extremely excited.

"How long have you been dating?" Pepper asks, bouncing in her seat and making the car dance. Her ponytail swings on top of her head, and I see Maria smile at her bubbly girlfriend fondly. 

I wish that was Nat and me.

I've already figured out what our relationship would be - I'd be the crazy, innocent, sweet one, and Nat would be the one who laughs at my antics and protects me from the world. I would cook her breakfast in bed and and buy her flowers, and she would tell me secrets and loan me her hoodies and take me on amazing dates.

At our wedding, we'd have red flowers - roses, probably. I would wear a long white dress, and she'd wear a short black one. I'd have Pepper and Maria be my bridesmaids, and I'm sure Clint would be her best man. Tony would pay for it, Steve would make an embarrassing speech, and it would be a happily ever after.

But how do I know it would work? How do I know I won't turn Nat's life into a disaster, and how do I know she won't break my heart, and how do I know I won't break hers?

I'm a mess of a person, truly. And I'm messing up the lives of everyone I come across.

"Wanda?" Pepper leans across the glove compartment and raps her pink nails on my shoulder, jarring me out of my daydream. 

"Eyes on the road, Pep," I reply, still staring out the window. Maria laughs.

"No, but seriously, you have to tell us everything!" she whines. "How come we had to find out when everyone else did?" My breath catches in my throat.

Maria leans over her seat and rolls her eyes. "Come on, Pepsi. It's her life, her girl, her choice."

"You know we support you, right, Wanda?" Pepper asks anxiously.

I blink. Maria bursts out laughing. Gesturing between herself and her girlfriend, she says, "No, I think Wanda was really worried that we wouldn't accept that she was dating a girl."

"Don't joke about that, Maria," Pepper says, pulling to a stop in front of a red light. "Her emotions are valid, and there are plenty of people who aren't accepted for who they love. Wanda is lucky."

I'm feeling overwhelmed - with love from Pepper and Maria, with shock from the rest of the team, with my confusing-but-definitely-romantic feelings for Nat, and with guilt for lying to and screwing up the lives of literally all of my friends.

I start to cry.

"Pep, Pep, pull over," Maria says immediately, and her girlfriend quickly obeys. They both hurry out of the car and rush over to my side of the backseat. Breathing is getting harder.