Safe Place

16: The Needs of the Wanda

Natasha's POV:

*THE NEXT MORNING*

I wake to the smell of burnt pancakes and too-bright sunlight streaming across my face. Groaning, I roll over on my side and drape a hand over my eyes. They're still red and puffy from last night.

I will never admit to crying, much less crying myself to sleep, but that's exactly what I did.

Everything Wanda said, all those soft, sad words - they broke me. All my feelings for her were already a flaming ball of fire inside me. But when I heard her say that everything would be so much easier if she'd never met me, well, that lit the fuse.

And now I feel like I've been shattered. My whole head hurts.

My whole heart hurts.

There's a knock on my door. I don't bother to answer, but Steve barges in anyway, breathing heavily and dressed in only a pair of sweatpants.

"Nat!" he yelps, face red. "Tasha, Tasha, Tasha, you have to help me."

"Steve, Steve, Steve, hang on," I grumble, pushing myself up. 

Steve stops mid-panic attack, freezes, and drops down on my bed. "Natasha?"

He says my name like he doesn't recognize me. 

"Yes?" I grunt.

"What happened?"

That's when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror across the room. My entire face is red, with prominent tear stains, and eyes so pink and puffy they look like green slits in balls of cotton candy. Yikes.

"Uh," I say, rubbing my face. "Nothing."

"Yeah, right."

"No, seriously, I'm fine," I persist. "You're the one who came in here hyperventilating and begging for help. What's causing all this?"

"A best friend-slash-love-of-my-life who died in front of me, came back to life, got turned into an evil assassin by my mortal enemy, forgot about me and his entire life, tried to kill me, got cured by futuristic technology from a hidden kingdom in Africa, and is now coming to live with me and all my friends in ten days," he says in a breath. "But you never cry, Tash. What's up?"

I stare at him. "You mean Bucky? Bucky's coming in ten days?"

"No," Steve replies. "I'm talking about my other best friend who fell off a train and became an emotionless killer for HYDRA."

My brain is still fuzzy from last night, so I can only blink at him.

"Yes, Bucky," he groans. "Not the point."

"Yes, the point! That is literally the point!"

Steve folds his arms. "I'm fine. The point is that the Black Widow was crying." He raises his eyebrows at me, but I just scoff.

"Nat," he says, voice softening, "are you okay?"

Something inside of me just breaks.

"No," I sob, fresh tears blooming in my eyes. "I'm not okay. I fell in love with Wanda, but now she's in love with Vision, and I'm messing everything up for her. She said so! And - and - she's been through so much, and she's fully freaking straight, of course, and I just want her to be happy, but I like her. I really, really like her, Steve."

Steve's eyes, which have been steadily widening as I speak, look like they're about to pop out of his head. "What?" he cries. "Natasha!"

"What?" I ask quietly, shrinking into myself a little bit.