Iris Potter Watching the Movies {ON HOLD TILL 2027}

Letters from No One

[Back at the Dursleys'. Petunia and a bundled up Dudley come in.]

Petunia: [assuring a distressed Dudley] It's all right, sweetheart. It's all right.

[They walk in the living room. Iris and Vernon enter. Vernon slams the door and shoves Iris against a wall, taking her hair.]

"Hey!"

"Leave my Iris alone!"

Iris: Ow!

Vernon: What happened?!

Iris: I swear I don't know! [Vernon snarls] One minute, the glass was there and then it was gone! It was like magic!

[Vernon scoffs at this, shoves Iris in the cupboard under the stairs and slams the door]

Vernon: There's no such thing as magic! [he blackens out the vent on the door]

"Yes there is, you pathetic excuse is a whale!"

[An owl flies into view and lands itself on a TV aerial on one of the houses' roof]

[The camera slowly pans up to reveal Dudley in his smartest school uniform, posing and smiling grandly.]

Petunia: Awww, smile. [She takes a photograph of him. She gasps in joy.] Vernon, just look at him. I can't believe it. In just a week you'll be off to Smeltings.

Lavender and Parvati cringe at the balant disrespect of fashion.

Vernon: Caveat Smeltona. Proudest moment of my life.

Iris: Will I have to wear that, too?

[They draw their attention to Iris]

Petunia: What, you? Go to Smeltings? [Iris nods, questionably]

Vernon: Ha!

[They laugh in amusement]

Petunia: Oh, don't be so stupid, you're going to the state school where you belong. [Goes to the kitchen and fishes out a grey shirt in a boiler.] And this is what you're gonna be wearing when I've finished dyeing it.

Iris: But that's Dudley's old uniform. It'll fit me like bits of old Elephant skin.

"Didn't know you were sassy, Iris."

Petunia: It'll fit you well enough. Go get the post. [Iris then heads to the hallway] Go!

[Iris leaves the living room area into the hallway and picks up some letters, one of which had her name on it with his address of where she slept. Uncle Vernon and Dudley sit at the table while Aunt Petunia is busy fixing breakfast. Iris walks in with the mail and hands it to Uncle Vernon, then walks to his seat with his letter.]

"Why not slide it under the cupboard?"

Iris shrugs. She knows why she didn't do it. It was because of the stupid compulsions that Dumbledore put on her. It was because of Aries that she is what she is now. A carefree girl who can be cold within milliseconds.

Vernon: [after reading a postcard] Oh, Marge is ill! Ate a funny whelk.

[Dudley suddenly notices Iris's letter and runs to grab it from her and give it to his father.]

Dudley: Dad! Look! Iris's got a letter!

"Snitch"

Iris: Hey, give it back! It's mine!

Vernon: Yours? Who'd be writing to you?

"US!", Everybody says, heartwarming Iris.

[The family gathers to look at the address. There is a broken seal on the letter. The family looks up and Iris gulps. Much later, another owl flies by with a letter and drops it off. Inside, Vernon grabs a handful of letters and rips them up. In the closet, Iris hears a whirring noise. She looks out at Vernon drilling wood over the letterbox opening.]

"How about I drill it in his head? Oh Iris, can we torture him later?", Aries asks, his Black madness showing through.

Iris smiles but says nothing. Aries gets the answer and he pouts, but smiles again after Iris kisses his cheek.

Vernon: No more mail through this letterbox.

[Iris quietly closes the cupboard door. The next day, Vernon and Petunia are outside the door. Vernon is about to head off to work. Petunia kisses his cheek.]

"My eyes! Remmy my eyes!"

Remus rolls his eyes.

Petunia: Have a lovely day at the office, dear.

[She stops, looks and sees a bunch of owls.]

Vernon: Shoo! Go on!

[She notices something and pats Vernon on the shoulder to get his attention, and what they see is more letters addressed to Iris.]

[Later, Petunia is cracking a egg into a bowl, and what instead comes out is a folded-up letter. She cracks another one, but another letter comes out as well. She then cracks yet another one, but the same happens again. She stares at the letter, and then she hears the owls screeching. She draws her attention to the outside of the window, and what she sees is four owls sitting on some garden chairs. Petunia then screams and runs off.]

All the pranksters make a note of this.

[Much later, Vernon is tossing letters into the fireplace.Iris comes around the corner. Vernon grins evilly and tosses more in. The scene fades to the next day, the family is sitting around, Iris is serving cookies.]

"She's not a house elf!", shouts Aries angrily.

Vernon: Fine day Sunday. In my opinion, best day of the week. Why is that, Dudley?

Iris: [when Dudley shrugs and didn't answer, as Iris hands a cookie to Vernon] Because there's no post on Sunday?

Vernon: Ah, right you are, Iris. No post on Sunday. Ha! No blasted letters today. No, sir. Not one single bloody letter, not one. [Iris sees a shadow outside the window. Outside, millions of owls are perched.] No, sir, not one blasted, miserable-

"Like that will stop Minnie."

[As Vernon was talking, a letter shoots out of the fireplace and zips across Vernon's face, cutting him off. There is a rumbling and then millions of letters come shooting out of the fireplace. The family shrieks in horror as Iris watches in amazement.]

Dudley: AHH! Make it stop! Please make it stop! [He jumps on Petunia's lap as she and Vernon continue screaming]

Vernon: Go away, ahh!

Dudley: What is it? Please tell me what's happening!

[Iris jumps onto the coffee table to grab a letter. She gets one and starts to run away. Vernon jumps up as well.]

"Why not take it from the ground?", a Ravenclaw asked.

"It adds to the dramatic effect.", Iris answered.

Vernon: Give me that! Give me that letter!

[He chases Iris and grabs her before Iris gets into her closet.]

Iris: Get off! Ahh!

[Vernon restrains Iris as several letters begin to shoot everywhere around the house.]

"Let go off her, you fat walrus!", Aries curses him.

Vernon: Ahh!

Iris: They're my letters! Let go of me!

[The wood plank nailed in front of the letterbox finally breaks from the excess pressure of the letters shooting through the letter.]

Vernon: That's it! We're going away! Far away! Where they can't find us!

Dudley: Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?!

"You think he wasn't mad before?"

[Petunia watches with a horrified look on her face, knowing that Dudley may be right.]