Don't Kill People Dammit!

Oh sh*t

After school the next day, I go to the local burger joint, which will never ever be named. I see Mexico sitting at a table, nomming on the taco burger, which is just a burger but with more taco-ish things within it. I order some food and sit with him.

"Hi," Mexico says awkwardly.

"I still don't forgive you for kidnapping me," I say. Mexico frowned.

"That's reasonable.... why'd you invite me to lunch-dinner then?" Mexico asked. I sigh.

"Look, if you really love my brother... I'll help you win his heart in the most legal way possible. And, alternatively, if I'm helping you, then I will be able to turn you in to the police should things go awry," I say. Mexico stared at me blankly.

"What's stopping me from just killing you and doing things my way?" Mexico asked.

"Because for as stupid my brother may seem, he's not that stupid.... besides, if you did kill me, America and Britain would stop at nothing to figure out who did and once they find out it was you they would 100% kill you too," I say. "America Can be a stone-cold b*tch if he needs to be," I add. Mexico nodded.

"Ok... well, I won't kill you at all then... but... how do we get Philipa out of the way? Let alone convince Ame to come out as gay?" Mexico said.

"How do you know he's gay?" I ask. Mexico smiled.

"I've got sources... but that's besides the point. I think having Philipa confront America about his sexuality might help," Mexico said. I sigh.

"No... I don't wanna out my brother if he's not ready... Maybe I'll talk to America and see what's really the issue... what if Ame isn't actually gay...?" I say. Mexico sighed.

"That'd suck.... I don't know what I'd do...," Mexico said, apparently planning exactly what he would do.

"No," I say.

"But-," 

"No," I say. Mexico sighs and nods. 

That night, me and America are doing our homework at our desks, when I let out a loud sigh. When that doesn't catch his attention, I let out an even louder sigh. I continue sighing louder and louder until America groans and puts his pencil down.

"What do you want?" He asks. I smile.

"Nothin much... just to talk a bit... about Philipa," I say.

"What about her?" America asked.

"I dunno... why are you dating her? y'know, since you're gay and stuff...," I say. Suddenly, Americas demeanor changes from annoyed to surprised- angry, even.

"Who told you?! Did Britain tell you?! I swear I will kill that bastard-,"

"Calm down, calm down... I just kinda guessed... Philipa is your cover up... isn't she?" I ask. America sighed.

"So what? She's probably gonna dump me after the Winter Formal," America said.

"Yeah... but don't you think it's a bit... crappy to use her? I mean, I understand, but it's better to stay single and closeted rather than date someone you aren't even attracted to and closeted," I say. America sighed.

"Look... I never really wanted to date her... It just... seemed like everyone wanted us to date... And I feel bad just cutting it off...She doesn't deserve to be hurt," America said.

"But don't you think she deserves someone who actually wants to be romantically involved with her?" I ask. America stays silent for a moment.

"I'll... I'll break up with her tomorrow.... I don't think I'm ready to fully come out yet but... I can't keep lying to her," America said. I nod.

"I'm here for you, and when you're ready to come out, I'll 100% be by your side," I say. America sighed.

"Lord knows I'll need it... there's a loooot of homophobes in our school," America said. I nod.

The next day, at lunch, America sits with us, which is unusual.

"Hey Ame! where's Philipa? you two are always sitting together," Spain said. America took a deep breath.

"I broke up with her... for reasons.... and I don't want to talk about it," America said. Britain rushed to Americas side and slightly pulled him away, but America assured him he was ok and they didn't need to talk about it. Regardless, Britain had his arm around Americas shoulder the whole time. We proceeded to talk about whatever, but I noticed Mexico staring at us from his group. I motioned for him to meet me by the restrooms, which he did.

"Ok, he's single, now's your chance," I say.

"U-um... no... it's too soon... besides, I gotta make sure the competition is dealt with...," Mexico said, pointing at Nekomi who was very clearly flirting with America. I sigh.

"No murder-,"

"I'll do you one better...," Mexico said, while pointing at Philipa and her group. Philipa was crying while her friends were trying their best to comfort her. "Philipa is bisexual, and Nekomi is Pan... I think we can cupid this out," Mexico said. I sigh.

"You always have the vocal vernacular of a criminal mastermind and-or mob boss... but yeah, that's a good non-lethal plan. How are we gonna pull it off though?" I ask. 

"Simple, I convince Philipa to pursue Nekomi, and you start getting the idea of dating Philipa in Nekomi's head. Besides, their older brothers are friends as well, so they can't help but be around eachother," Mexico said. I shrug.

"Sounds good to me," I say, before walking back to my group and pulling Nekomi to the side.

"heyyyyyyy so, Philipa is newly single, huh?" I say. Nekomi nodded.

"Yeah... I feel bad for her... Ame dumping her was kinda out of nowhere... and I... I feel guilty...," Nekomi said.

"Why's that?" I ask. Nekomi sighed.

"I started flirting with him... I didn't even realize until Ame told me he wasn't interested... I felt so stupid...," Nekomi said.

"Well, I got an idea, why don't you start talking to Philipa more? It'll get your mind off America and his newly singleness, plus, Philipa really seems to need her bestie," I say, motioning to Philipa, who was crying into Mexico's shirt as he looked very confused on how to comfort her. Nekomi nodded.

"Yeah... she really does... especially since she seemed so excited for the Winter Formal... and now she doesn't even have a date...," Nekomi said. I hum, pretending to be deep in thought.

"Hey... why don't you be her date?" I ask. Nekomi paused.

"Huh... w-well... platonically I guess... unless...," Nekomi said. I smile. Nekomi is very rapid when it comes to attraction, and will latch onto anyone given the correct circumstances.

"Go get her," I say, shoving her towards Philipa. The two of them began awkwardly conversing in an endearingly loving way. Mexico walks up to me.

"... Did that just work?" He asked. I smile.

"Sure did... now, c'mon... let's see if you can land a certain someone as your winter formal date,"