What if i told you i love you?

eighteen

Week 1
Five weeks until the game

The first week was boring. I spent most of my days in the gym and the physio. I wasn't to kick a ball, so i didn't even though it took a lot not to start juggling with the ball. All i done for the first week was weights. They wouldn't even let me run.

It was strange, the first week. Throughout my so far short career i've never been 'injured' as such. I've had small niggles but i've never been stuck in the team gym, advised against running or kicking a football. So, in that sense it's different and difficult.

The first week i got to know myself better, that sounds weird, i know. But my life has been football this, football that. In reality i don't know myself the way i should. There's a lot about myself that i don't know.

I've got five weeks until the game. That's all. Five weeks.

Week two
Four weeks until the game

It's been two weeks since my recovery started.

This whole situation is testing me. It's mentally exhausting knowing that you can't do what you love. Everyday i come into training, i get changed in the locker room with the girls but as they put on their boots i put on trainers and as they go out onto the pitch i go into the gym.

This week i started running again, but not much. I started running two days ago, they put me on the underwater treadmill. It's quite tough but i need it.

The doctors opinion hasn't changed, he doesn't think i'll make it in time, but i do and my team do. They believe in me and i won't let them down.

This week i learned that without football i'd be broken. My life hasn't been pretty, it's been messy to say the least. Deep down i want my parents to love me, and deep down i miss their love, whatever that may feel like. I don't know anything about my parents really, and i know very little about myself.

The things i know about myself are the things i want to know. I want to be a happy girl. But am i?

I don't know. I don't know, not yet.

Week three
Three weeks until the game

I've been running for over a week now, on the treadmill that is. Next week i'm going to start running outside and kicking the ball again and HOPEFULLY the next week, the final week before the game, i will return to full team training.

I feel better, body wise. I feel stronger.

Mentally, i'm not so sure. I've thought about it, the happiness thing and it hit me, maybe i'm not as happy as i make everyone, including myself think i am. Perhaps i'm a good actor.

Football is my happy place, i feel safe playing football, so without it i don't know what i would be like and i'm not sure i want to know.

Week four
Two weeks until the game

This week was my week.

I started running outside again, kicking the ball and i even took part in a couple of training sessions.

I surprised a lot of people this week, including myself.

The doctors and physios told me i wouldn't train again until next week and next week it would probably be too late, but when i started kicking the ball again they said i was ready, i was confused and so were they.

They said i kicked the ball better than i did before. My shooting was better, fiercer. My passing too. My vision had increased and my running too, i was faster. No one knows how or why i recovered so quickly but they're happy and i'm happy too.