Chapter 1: Doomed from the Get-Go

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Two summers ago, I visited my brother that lived in fucking Oklahoma of all places. I initially wasn't going to go. At the time, I'd applied to several medical facilities over the course of a month for a job that I'd hoped could occupy my mind and my time.
Unfortunately, I was not given a position by any of the facilities that I'd applied to. I sent in one more application as a Hail Mary and put off my decision with either going to Oklahoma or staying in New York until I'd exhausted all my options. My bags were packed, but I still thought there was a small chance I'd get a job here.
I lived in the heart of New York City, and I know what you're thinking, it has a bad reputation: there are huge rats, rude people, and smelly subways, but I promise it wasn't all that bad. I mean, I'm sure it is now with all the dead people walking around, but besides that—yeah okay—but to be fair, everywhere in the world is bad right now.
How the world was versus how it is now, god, I don't even know where to begin. I went from being an easy-going, motivated woman to being a ghost of who I once was. It was like my entire personality was altered—interests, connections, and communications were totally changed. Of course, the last two years were a chaotic, heartbreaking mess, but that's to be expected when you have a storm cloud over your head, following your every move—that and the help of an apocalypse. I felt cursed.
Needless to say, I didn't get the job I waited for that summer. For my own sanity, I knew it was best to go visit my brother who'd been begging me to come rather than being unemployed, sulking on a couch for a couple of months until I went back to college for graduate school. So, I ventured off to Oklahoma to spend the hot months of June and July with my brother. Here's how that went.

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Chapter 1: Doomed from the Get-Go

When I woke up that morning, the first thing I did was check my email. I'd sent in one final application in hopes that I would be able to stay in New York before fall semester started. When I opened the mail app on my phone, I nervously waited for my new emails to load. After a couple of seconds, one new email appeared at the top of the list. It was from Regional Medical, the facility I'd been anxiously waiting to hear from. I glanced at the subject line below the company name that read, "Thanks for your interest," and immediately knew it was going to disappoint me.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and quietly sighed. I touched the screen over the email with my finger to open the rest of the message. "We regret to inform you that we have moved forward with the hiring process, and your application was not selected. Thank you for your interest in the position here at Regional Medical." I archived the email and threw my phone back down onto the end of the bed.
I knew that email meant I needed to get ready to head south, so that's what I was going to do. I slung the blankets to the right side of my lonely, queen-sized bed. I sat up on the edge and looked over at a picture propped up on my vanity. It was me and my brother, Caleb, the night of my college graduation. He had his arm around my shoulder, dressed in a button-down shirt and khakis with the biggest smile on his face, a smile that showcased his belief in me. I gently smiled at the memory of that night. Truth be told, I missed my brother. I missed him a lot, actually. So, seeing him would make Oklahoma bearable.

Eventually, I managed to make myself get up from the bed. The wood floor was like ice on the bottoms of my feet, but I knew with summer approaching the temperature would be nice despite my day already being ruined from one single email. I rubbed my eyes with my cold hands as I internally screamed at the failure of my bachelor's degree. But, as my brother would gracefully say, life goes on.
I exited the bedroom and headed downstairs to the kitchen in my empty apartment to fix a bowl of cereal before leaving to drive to my brother's house. I opened the stainless-steel refrigerator door and grabbed the milk that sat alone on the second shelf. When I unscrewed the cap, I sniffed the milk because I had trust issues, and the stench made my nose crinkle in disgust. The fucking milk was spoiled.
I looked down at the expiration date written at the top that showed a date well over a week ago, and said, "Shit." I disappointedly poured the half-gallon of milk down the drain in the sink followed by cold water from the faucet. Then, I turned and threw the jug into the trash can. I miscalculated my throw, and the jug hit the rim and fell as it ricocheted off the tile floor making a thud sound, once, twice. I sighed loudly as I walked back over to pick it up and aggressively put in into the trash can.
I'd already packed my car with enough luggage to last me the entire summer because subconsciously I lacked the ability to think anything would work out the way it should in my life. And look, I was right. I was pretty much set for Oklahoma; I just needed to shower and get dressed. So, after the disappointing cereal encounter, I walked back upstairs to my bathroom. I undressed in the chilling breeze coming from the air vent positioned above my head. I don't know why I never adjusted the thermostat—I was always cold. I shivered and turned the shower faucet on, giving it time to warm up before I stepped in. I was in there for what felt like forever, just enduring the hot water running down my body.
I could hear my phone ringing from the bed; I assumed it was Caleb calling to check in on the status of my summer plans. Sigh. He'd been calling and texting me every day wondering if I'd found anything out. I spent the entire week staring blankly at the four walls of my bedroom thinking about life and school and work—this was just stressful.
               I'd come back to reality after zoning out at the thought of everything that'd happened since I moved to this city and this quiet, lonely apartment. But this apartment hadn't always been this lonely. I used to share this space with my ex-best friend, Taylor.
Taylor and I met during college where we were both studying nursing. She was a lousy friend most of the time, but when she was a present friend, she was a great friend. I used her company when I could get access to it, but there was always a fifty-fifty chance that she'd bail anytime we made plans. It had to be convenient for her. If one of her other friends reached out, she'd conveniently have to cancel because of some crisis or emergency. Somehow, despite her flaws, she eventually moved in with me so the two of us could save on expenses. Our relationship grew stronger for a little while.
I also had a long-term boyfriend, Reece, that lived in the area and worked as an attorney for a massive firm. He had a narcissistic personality and was self-absorbed beyond belief. I stayed with him because his finances were a nice perk in our toxic relationship, and I hated the thought of starting completely over with someone else. He treated me badly for a duration of about four years, but my last straw was when I walked in on him and Taylor having theatrical, porn-like sex on the brand-new linen sectional sofa she and I shared.
When I walked in that day, I stopped in the entryway of the living room for a solid ten seconds before they even realized I was there. They were so loud that they hadn't even heard me walk in. Taylor was dressed in some role-play maid outfit with her blonde hair tied up in a ponytail. I never knew he was into that kind of thing, but then again, I rarely had sex with him due to the nature of our relationship and the lack of actual attraction to him.
In a sense, I was actually relieved to witness the two of them because it was enough to finally remove them both from my life without feeling guilty. He was a terrible boyfriend, but he was also a master manipulator. It never failed, when I tried to break up with him, he'd cry like a little fucking girl. It made me feel like the bad guy even though I was the victim to his cheating and abuse continuously throughout our relationship.
After that incident, I broke up with Reece and kicked Taylor out because her name was never officially put onto the lease which made it much easier. So, that's when the apartment became quiet, lonely, and detrimental to my mental health. I used school to keep my mind occupied, but after graduating, I didn't have classes anymore until the master's program started in August. Getting a job was my only other choice for keeping my summer busy and my mind clear. Since I hadn't gotten a job in New York, going to Oklahoma was the best decision for me. I thrived off human interactions; staying here would only damage the progress I'd made.
I digress.

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