Two Summers Ago, the World Went to Shit

Chapter 16: Out in the Open

Chapter 16: Out in the Open

The four of us exited the house and made our way through the wooded area following almost our exact trail from last night. Caleb led the way in the direction of the van as Sophie followed behind him and Jackson and I behind her. Everyone seemed fine, just walking silently, but I really wanted to talk to Jackson. With everything Sophie laid on me last night, I needed some answers, closure, something. Too bad we couldn't really go anywhere privately. It was like, when I got the courage to say something, no words came out; I was too worried about what Caleb or Sophie would think if they heard what I wanted to talk to him about.
So, instead, I continued to walk in silence, so close to Jackson I could feel his energy. I'd been glancing over at him the entire time, looking at the khaki pants he'd been wearing with an olive green tee that suited him so well. He had his hands slightly tucked in his front pockets as he took each step. I kept thinking he'd catch me, but he was preoccupied with something else.
It was like I knew he was battling the same demons in his head; it was radiating around us—this absolute need to get some things off of our chest. I almost reached for his hand out of habit, but I clenched my fist and kept moving forward. It would only complicate matters to let all of my deep feelings for him resurface. God, I almost wished Sophie had never told me any of this. I was perfectly content with my life with Bailey, I think? Now I was questioning everything.
I mean, the love I had for Jackson and Bailey was the same, yet it was so different. Bailey was... perfect. He was handsome, kind, gentle, loving, and extremely attractive. He had never once hurt me, and he was the best father Grace could ever have. He'd once been the guy that allowed me to be brave and vulnerable all at once. He'd created this sexy Prince Charming persona that night at the bar, but unfortunately an apocalypse can be the biggest barrier for romance and exciting aspects for couples who were involved with each other on that level. It's hard to compete with that when your options were so limited. You couldn't exactly go to a bar or a nice restaurant; this was what we had to work with now.
     Jackson was exciting and adventurous. He was sexy, flirtatious, and still, a sweetheart. We had history that made our relationship seem clear and confusing, which was confusing. But, my heart beat faster just by touching him, feeling his breath on my neck—it sent tingles down my spine, every single time. It was seriously thrilling to be with him. We hadn't been a couple really until things went to hell, so I didn't know if he could offer me the same feeling and happiness I felt that night with Bailey. But this love I had for Jackson, it was the feeling you get with your first love. It's joyful and beautiful—it's a love you never forget. It was certainly one I never wanted to forget.
     I just didn't know what to do. My feelings were so conflicted, and I knew as soon as I was in Bailey's presence again, I'd need to make a conscious effort to figure out what was best for me and Grace. I needed to figure out what it would mean to choose; would I lose the guy I didn't pick? This was all too overwhelming.
As I was walking and organizing the jumbled thoughts swarming in my mind like angry hornets, something happened, and I don't know how to explain it without sounding crazy. It was almost like I was dissociating from myself, from reality. For several long minutes I could see myself in a parallel universe or something. Everything was the same but duller, colder, and darker. I was... alone. I couldn't see Jackson, Caleb, or Sophie. I remembered looking around, almost in a panic, turning circles trying to figure out where everyone went. Where were they? Where was I?
"Caleb," I called out in confusion as my vision went blurry for a brief second.
I began walking for a couple of minutes trying to see if I could find everyone else. Had I zoned out and somehow fallen behind the rest of the group? I kept checking my surroundings when I saw someone in the distance; I didn't recognize them. My eyes had finally fully refocused, and I could see that it was a young woman wearing jeans and a dirty white tee. She was—stumbling, hurrying to me, almost a run. Her dark hair was messy, and her eyes looked glossy. I stopped walking as she got closer and closer to me. Did she need help?
"You need to leave. It's not safe here, it's not safe, it's not s," she begged as I interrupted.
"What? Where am I," I asked but when she started to answer, she was muted by the overwhelming sound of what sounded like Jackson.
I kept looking around, but I couldn't see him. I could only distinctly hear his voice echoing around me. It felt like he was so close, but I couldn't find him. My head was spinning, and my heart was racing. What the fuck was going on? I was turning circles trying to figure out where his voice was coming from, but the only person I saw was the woman who shared the same fear and confusion as me. She just kept standing there repeating the same thing over and over, but I didn't understand what she meant or what any of this meant, not in that moment anyways. Then suddenly, I could make out Jackson's voice again, and it didn't sound drowned out like before. It sounded like he was so close I could touch him.
"Sammi! Sammi, look out," he shouted.
     And then just like that, I was in the same place now back with Caleb, Jackson, and Sophie. When I looked over, the woman was still there, but she was a zombie. She was clothed in the same outfit, but instead of telling me to leave, she was dead and growling inches from my face. I had no clue how she hadn't already bitten me considering I'd seen her way before, somewhere... else?
Jackson was yelling my name because he was trying to warn me that the zombie was there. I panicked, reaching for the gun I'd been given the night before. I pointed it at her—it and pulled the trigger even though she didn't seem interested in coming any closer or even harming me for that matter. The body collapsed to the ground, and I found myself gasping for air, almost as if I were having a panic attack. I was... I was freaking out.
My eyes were wide as I put my hands on my chest reminding myself to inhale and exhale. I needed to breathe and calm myself down, but I was so disoriented. I had no idea what'd just happened; I was almost scared to know. Jackson and Caleb rushed over to me as they expressed their concern, showing the same uncertainty as me.
"Sammi, what's wrong," Caleb asked.
I looked around once again still preoccupied by my mind and the vivid encounter I just had, gradually overcoming my breathlessness.
"Sammi," Jackson said grabbing my arm gently.
     When I felt the warmth from his palm, it brought me back completely. It made me reconnect to what was real because I was seriously confused and unsure of everything. I looked over at him, Caleb standing close by. Just having him there calmed me down and allowed me to gradually control my breathing.
"I—I'm sorry," was all I managed to mutter out.
"What happened? Did you not see that zombie," Jackson asked.
"I don't know, I, I, I'm dying. We need to get back on the road and find a cure," I said dryly and abruptly.
     Caleb and Jackson looked at each other with worried expressions, but they wouldn't even begin to know what I just experienced. I broke away from the huddle they'd made in front of me and continued walking again. I needed time to think before I explained this to anyone. So, I began replaying it in my head, considering all possibilities, and knowing that nothing was off the table. Whoever created this virus was intelligent, intentional, and engineered it to kill off the human race, but we already knew it was flawed. It didn't kill at the rate it was intended to, so if it was possible for them to miss perfecting that, it was possible they left some room for loopholes, ways around death or the introduction of a cure.
     After continuing our walk through the trees, I could tell we were getting close to the van. I could vaguely hear Lola and Bailey having a conversation in the distance, but their words were mixed with the wind. I wasn't sure what to expect once I got up there, but I was worried about how Bailey would react to Ryan being dead. Honestly, I'd kind of forgotten about it, but it didn't make it hurt any less once now that I refreshed my mind of the horrific death he had. With everything we'd survived, I didn't expect his ending to be that way, some dumb decision to stay on the road because Bailey wanted to keep—shit. Bailey... he was going to blame himself for this.
Now I wanted to turn around and deflect this encounter entirely. Was it too late for that?
With each step, I could see the van get closer and closer. Eventually, I was past the last of the trees and approaching Lola, Bailey, and Grace who he had lying in his arms, gently rocking her. I smiled when I saw them together. I never would've imagined the night at the bar would've led to this beautiful thing I had with Bailey and now with Grace. It was still one of the best nights I'd ever had, and it will probably be one of the best I ever will.
     Bailey still looked the same as he did when I'd first met him with his dark brown hair and facial hair, both of which were now longer than they once were. He still had piercing blue eyes that drew me in when I looked at him. He had this country accent that was so attractive when he spoke, just so silky and smooth; sometimes I noticed it more than others. And his presence—it was enough to warm my body for all of eternity, to keep my heart beating for as long as I lived.
     I slowly moved to Bailey's side, gazing down at Grace and all of her beauty. She had her father's eyes and the softest, smoothest skin when I drug my fingertips across her arms. My shoulder rubbed against Bailey's, and I felt at home again. I felt like I was back at the hospital, safe, playing house while the world continued to die around us.
"Hey! You're okay," he said happily as he leaned over to kiss me.
     I gave him my cheek rather than my lips, and it seemed like everyone else noticed by the awkward silence we'd found ourselves in. It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss him, I did. I just felt the need to distance myself until I had the chance to talk to Jackson. I felt like that's what I needed. Bailey awkwardly withdrew himself before looking around at the remaining members of our group. He noticed one of us was missing which was to be expected.
"Where's Ryan," he asked.
I was surprised Caleb or Jackson hadn't asked prior to this when they discovered only me and Sophie in the abandoned house. I was avoiding the topic. I didn't want to blame Sophie because we still had to live with her, but then again, we had one good night—that didn't make us friends. I didn't owe her loyalty, but I felt like my options for relationships were limited. We were all we had; there was no room for isolating those who were surviving alongside us. So, was I supposed to trust her until she gave me anymore reason not to? What other choice did I have?
I looked around at everyone and then back down to the ground before anyone else had the chance to say something.
"He didn't make it Bailey; I'm so sorry. I couldn't save him," I admitted.
His expression dropped. He wasn't a crier, but I could tell that he wanted to. Ryan was his best friend after all; he'd saved the two most important girls in his life. Now all he really had was me and Grace because in reality, Caleb and Jackson were in their bubble and Bailey was not a part of that. He'd been my best friend since we'd found each other again. I couldn't abandon him now especially since he lost his closest friend.
     I sympathetically grabbed his hand that wasn't cradling Grace, interlocking my fingers with his. I fake smiled knowing there was nothing I could do to change this situation, but I could be there for him. I wanted to let him have his time to grieve, but I needed to talk to someone about what happened in the woods. I didn't necessarily want to share with the group, but I didn't have many options like pulling someone to the side without everyone else wondering what we were talking about. I guess I'd just have to tell everyone and rip the bandaid.
     We all quietly loaded back up into the van, but this time Sophie didn't sit with Jackson. She sat across from Grace in Ryan's seat. Jackson sat down alone in the backseat with a slightly confused look on his face. Was that Sophie's hint to him that she was done and had told me everything? Was he upset or relieved?
Bailey was busy buckling Grace in when Jackson looked around and spoke out.
"Uh guys, all of our stuff is gone from back here."
"What? The duffel bag and everything," Bailey asked abruptly as he stood in the open doorway beside Grace's car seat.
"It's all gone," he said.
"Sammi, how much ammo did you have to use while we were separated," Caleb asked.
"Just the bullet in the woods, why?"
"Sophie, what about you?"
"I didn't have to use mine," she said.
"Caleb," I persisted.
"We used up all we had. We got into some pretty deep shit while we were trying to find somewhere to stay for the night. We were kind of relying on reloading from what was left in the duffel bag. So, we are not in a great position if something else goes down. We need to be really smart about our next moves until we can stock back up somehow," he suggested.
Sophie offered up her gun to Caleb who willing accepted.
     I sat there in deep thought, wondering who would feel the need to steal from an abandoned van when there were stores with unlimited options in the radius around us. It was almost like we were followed. I initially thought our ammo was the only problem until I realized my backpack with all of my important items was left in here as well.
My heart dropped.
     I swung open the passenger door of the van where I'd been sitting and ran to the back. I opened the two back doors looking in the small area between the back of Jackson's seat and the doors. There was nothing. Then, I climbed in through the third row doors until I was in the far back next to Jackson. I reached under the seat I'd sat down on and leaned over Jackson's lap fumbling in the emptiness. I finally stopped and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.
"It's gone, my backpack, it's gone."
"It's okay," Lola said, trying to sound encouraging.
"It's not. They took the last of my medication, diapers, formula, everything," I said, my voice low, slumping down on the seat in defeat.
     I saw the look on Jackson's face; he knew what was coming with missing my medicine. Bailey on the other hand, he'd never experienced me go into a full blown manic episode; he'd only ever seen hints of it without probably realizing that's what it was. He'd run for the hills for sure if he got the chance to see that side of me. Maybe that's what I wanted? I don't know, don't listen to me, I'm all messed up right now.
"We'll find a pharmacy or a grocery store while we're on the road. It will be fine," Jackson pitched in trying to sound reassuring.
     I half smiled, but subconsciously I was almost relieved the more I thought about losing the pills. Maybe I needed to just withdraw myself from this structured mental state and crazy love triangle I was in. I felt like it'd be nice to not feel an obligation towards choosing or acting how someone wanted me to. Maybe it would help me make a decision on who I wanted to be with. A manic episode scared me a lot less than whatever that episode was in the woods. I inhaled deeply before saying anything.
"I'm afraid we have bigger problems," I admitted as I finally plopped down beside Jackson in the backseat.
Everyone turned to face me as I groaned hopelessly.
"I'm not sure how much longer I have before the injection kills me because when we were in the woods, I was in the woods, but Caleb, Jackson, Sophie—you guys weren't there," I said, gesturing towards me and then to them.
They all had similar expressions on their faces as I rubbed my eyes in frustration with the palms of my hands.
"Everything was the same except I was alone until the woman appeared," I began.
"The zombie," Sophie asked as if confirming that I saw the same zombie, woman, whatever as they did.
I nodded.
"Yes, but she wasn't a zombie when I saw her; she was a person, like us. She was scared and panicked. She was coming to me to warn me to leave the weird alternate universe I'd found myself in. I asked her where I was, but when I heard Jackson calling my name it was almost like I woke up from a dream or something."
     I squinted my eyes and was thinking intently. Then, I found myself making eye contact with Lola who looked guilty almost. I could see her eyes dim behind a secret she was keeping. She looked down and then away because she was guilty.
"Lola, you know something," I said as Bailey cranked the van.
Her eyes widened as she looked back up at me.
"What is it," I asked aggressively.
"Um," she responded as if trying to stall.
"Well, um, Rudy, he—he told me about that happening to him before he died. While we were on the road before you guys found the hospital, he'd had it happen a few times. The zombies we'd come in contact with during his visions or whatever told him the same thing. It was a lot for him. He felt afraid and alone especially when we were back at the hospital and there weren't any zombies there with him. The duration of these visions got longer and longer as his condition progressed. He'd be there for hours and towards the end, he was there almost an entire day. He was so lonely until," she stopped.
"Until what," Jackson asked.
"Until I showed up. Right?"
She pursed her lips.
"He saw me there with him that day in the cafeteria right? That's why you two gave me those looks. That's why he let us stay, isn't it," I asked angrily.
"God, you've known this entire time," I said with hurt and betrayal accompanying each word.
Everyone grew silent.
"You came to us after Rudy died and gave this big story about when you thought he was given the injection, but you knew from the start that he'd been given the injection that day. You told us the story because you knew I'd go searching for answers and figure out that I'd received it too. You just wanted me to be the one to figure it out. Jesus, I can believe you," I said painfully.
She held a mask of regret over her face and slowly turned back around towards the front of the van.
     Jackson grabbed my hand and held on to it securely as I tried to wrap my head around this. Bailey had seen Jackson's gesture, and I could tell it pained him more than it made him jealous. I was just over this day; I was ready to crawl into bed somewhere and just wallow in my self pity and manifest a manic episode to get me away from all of this.
"Let's just drive please. I need to feel like there's hope for me somewhere out there," I said.
     Bailey nodded and began to drive. We still had a long way to go for this journey, so we needed to start covering some ground. The road we were on was the same but totally different than last night. In the sunlight, you could see much more detail with faded road signs and dry plants. There were maybe two or three straggler zombies roaming in the distances but nothing compared to last night.
     A part of me felt weird sitting next to Jackson, but I felt like this was the perfect opportunity to talk, especially since Bailey had stuck an old CD into the radio, playing music in the background. For several hours, I didn't say anything. I sat my elbow on the side of the car and propped my head on my hand, looking out the window. Grace had fallen asleep, and Bailey was driving towards some place up north. I'd lost track of where we were, but the roads seemed familiar. I knew we were out of Oklahoma a while ago considering Pocola was not too far from Arkansas. I was almost certain we were headed towards Nashville, and that would definitely bring up some feelings and memories.
After a while, Jackson nudged my thigh. I looked over at him as he embarrassingly smiled.
"Hey," he whispered.
"Hey," I replied with a smile.
"What happened with you and Sophie at the house? Why didn't she sit with me?"
I lost the smile and responded.
"We just talked," I said vaguely.
"About?"
"You," I admitted.
"And?"
"We talked about all the times you broke up. She said you were in love with me long before we actually got together," I said almost as if I wanted him to think I didn't believe it, that I thought it was a joke, but he didn't laugh.
"What else did she tell you," he asked.
"Nothing much. It's more so what I told her."
"Sammi," he pleaded.
"Lucy. We've never talked about Lucy. You know, the naked. supermodel blonde you were gawking at while you're pregnant girlfriend needed you and while Greyson was being murdered," I said angrily, my volume still low enough for the rest of the group not to hear behind the music.
When I looked into his eyes, I could see immediate hurt and sadness.
"Sammi, I will be sorry forever, as long as I live for what you saw in that room and what happened to Greyson, but what you saw, that's the extent of what happened. I never slept with her," he said convincingly.
My heart dropped.
"But would you have if I hadn't walked in?"
"I-I thought I was protecting you."
"Protecting me," I choked out.