Indecipherable Looks

Chapter 16

Being all alone again was even worse than she'd imagined.

Maxi stayed in her room all day, unable to go anywhere without painful memories being brought into her mind. She was sure in the library she might see him turning a corner, or in their spot waiting for her out in the forest. But he wouldn't be there, and painful denial stopped her from wanting to go anywhere. With no knights or dinners left, there was no need for her nanny to dress her, do her hair, or bring her food, and she had no energy to go to the kitchen anymore. Two days since she had cut him off, one day since he was truly gone from her life, and she was painfully aware of it all.

About an hour ago father had called for her, but for the first time ever, Maxi refused. It didn't matter if she followed his instructions to the T, if she did everything he wanted succinctly, to the best of her ability, even perfectly. He would never, ever, ever be happy with what she did, never look at her with pride like Rosetta. It would always be disgust.

And that she had to give up all she ever wanted; the only person that really, truly cared for her, and he was calling her once again- with all her fear Maxi felt this undeniable, righteous rage coursing through her body, consuming her mind and thoughts. How dare he strip her of the only happiness she had found, only for punishment to be laid on her frail body?

So she was rebelling in some small way, not really caring if the punishment was worse for it. She had her suspicions he would beat her to death eventually, and if that day was today... it wasn't that she welcomed it. But she couldn't bear to go on anymore, either. The last shining light had been dimmed for Maxi, and she no longer cared to stumble around in darkness, no matter how cowardly it was to resign at this point. All she ever wanted was escape and peace, and maybe she could find both at last, if not with Riftan, in death.

Maxi pulled the thin blanket over her head, trying to drown out the sorrow, heartache, and impending doom she felt, but it wasn't working. If only Riftan were here, a quick kiss could melt away her anxieties for the moment. But she would never see him again; the kisses felt like part of a dream. She couldn't believe any of it had happened; there was no trace of him, no trace of the past month.

Except for the necklace she wore close to her heart. When she held it and looked at it in the light, Maxi knew what had happened was real, even if she sometimes couldn't believe it. Whatever came about, she was glad for their time together, for that pocket of bliss. None of the pain inflicted upon her could take that experience of real love away after all.

At least, that was what she tried to tell herself. As the tears flowed down her pale cheeks, she felt the farthest from being loved of anyone in the whole wide world. Abundant loneliness and apprehension for what was to come seeped through her skin and set deep into her bones, almost like seasoning. Maxi felt like she was being prepared for the Duke's greedy meal as she laid there wallowing in all her pent up fury.

If she could call hellfire to destroy her and this wretched place, it would come hurling down in a heartbeat.

Suddenly the door to her room burst open, and Maxi shrieked, scrambling up and pushing her body against the hard wood of the headboard at the sight of the two guards. At first she thought it was her father- but of course he would send his lackeys to retrieve her instead of making the trip.

One of them gestured for her to get up, but Maxi didn't move. She looked at the man with squinted eyes and a stubborn jaw almost daring him to do something. With little amusement she thought she saw him flinch at her near crazed expression- no, not crazed, but for once defiant.

When Riftan held her, it was always so gentle and soft, caring and attentive always. She had grown too used to him, not wanting to feel the crass, harsh hands of these mindless goons. Maxi could see it in their vacant eyes; however they wronged her, it was someone else's fault. That seemed to be the attitude around here.