One Last Game -Haymitch Abernathy-

Chapter 49

"You're doing great," the doctor said with a smile. "Your memory is improving." Amelia didn't like that she was doing better. Her memories may be returning, but the fear inside of her wouldn't leave. She was scared all of the time. Everything scared her. "Remember, this is a safe place. You're safe here."

"I know." They said that constantly. It didn't matter how many times Amelia heard the words. It wasn't how she felt. Nowhere felt safe. Every night when she closed her eyes, she remembered what they did to her. The way she felt. The fear. It was paralyzing. "That's what you always say."

Dr. Martin sighed and set down his clipboard. "Because it's true. You're safe here. The Capitol can't hurt you anymore."

Amelia laughed. That was a lie. The Capitol was burned into her memory. Their marks were forever painted on her skin. The scars, both physically and mentally, would never go away. Amelia would carry that forever, and that was the part she struggled with. She didn't want to live with it. It was wrong and selfish. She knew that, but it didn't matter. Amelia was so angry and so hurt. All she wanted was revenge. She wanted President Snow to pay for what he did. What he did not only to her but all of them. He destroyed Peeta. He destroyed Johanna. He destroyed all of them. 

"Look." Dr. Martin stepped closer. "You won't heal overnight. You might not even heal in a year's time, but you will. One day you'll be whole again." Amelia found that hard to believe. "One day, this will all be in the past, and you'll be smiling gratefully as you make new, happy memories."

It sounded like a dream. Amelia knew it was too good to be true. There was no happy ending for her. There never was. "How do you know?"

"It's my job."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's all it is to you. A job."

The older man crossed his arms. "That's not true. I care about your health."

"You snapped at me because I care about your health?"

"No," Haymitch waved his hand. He fidgeted in his seat. "I snapped because I care about you." Haymitch ran a hand through his long blond hair. "I lost everyone I care about. Snow made sure of that." Snow had killed her family too, for nearly the same reason. They both outsmarted their games, and Amelia refused to participate in any of his dealings. "I'm worried I'll lose you too."

Amelia pursed her lips and finally understood what Haymitch was feeling. Snow was good at ruling because he knew a person's weak spot. Love, it was a weakness. Caring for someone else made you vulnerable. "I'm not going anywhere. Not for a while, at least."

The memories came back in flashes, and they were always of Haymitch. They cared about each other. They loved each other. With every uncovered memory, Amelia felt more hollow inside. It should have been the opposite. Remembering Haymitch should bring her joy. It didn't. It hurt her inside. It hurt her to think about how different life was for them. This didn't just affect her. Haymitch had lost just as much. He opened himself back up to love, only to have it ripped from him.

Without saying a word, she stood up and walked out the door. The memories might have been returning, but her mind was still broken. Amelia knew she would never feel whole again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Amelia felt odd being at District 13. It was nothing like 12, at least not from what she remembered. There was no sunlight because it was entirely underground. But District 12 was gone. She recently learned about that. Her home was gone. It was just another thing that Amelia had lost.

It wasn't as if she could return anyway. This was her home now. "Hey," a voice said. It surprised her, and she jumped.

Amelia looked up to see Haymitch. "Hi."

He seemed apprehensive. The older man inspected the area. "What are you doing over here?"

She wasn't sure how to respond. The area she was in was hidden deep within District 13. It took her forever to get here. It was mainly by accident. She was walking around, thinking about anything and everything. "I'm not sure." She eyed the cup in his hand. "What's in there?"

"Coffee, I promise." Haymitch sat on the ground beside her. Amelia blinked a few times. She remembered constantly feeling suspicious when he was holding a mug. The only problem was she could no longer remember why she felt suspicious. "I used to drink a lot," Haymitch explained. He could see the confusion and frustration building in her eyes. All the pieces were still there. They were just foggy.

She stared at him. "You're sober now?"

He smiled faintly. "Well, I told you. If you come home, I'll get sober."

"If you come home, I'll get sober."

"How about you get sober anyway, and I fight for as long as I can? How does that sound?" Amelia wanted to see Haymitch sober more than anything, but that day would probably never come.

"I need to be in there with you," he whispered. "Help you as much as I can."

"You can do more for Katniss if you're not in the arena. Peeta is a stronger fighter, and he doesn't know how to talk to the Capitol's Sponsors like you do. My best chance at getting Katniss to the end is with you getting her sponsors. I know this isn't easy, but there is nothing we can do. I have to play, and I have to die in order for Katniss to win."

"I know," he whispered sadly.

Amelia placed a hand on his cheek. "I love you, Haymitch. I'm really sorry we didn't get more time."

A faint smile appeared on her face. She remembered that. The memories of him were becoming more common with time. Remembering her old life was challenging. Amelia knew deep down she could never be that person again. Everything was different. Everything had changed. She always knew a revolution was coming. She expected to help Katniss fight, not rebuild the damaged parts of her brain. This isn't who Amelia wanted to be. She wanted to fight.

Amelia brought her knees to her chest. They were sitting together in a deserted hallway with dim lights and a funky smell. "It kinda sucks here."

Haymitch couldn't help but laugh at her words. "Yeah, it does."

Amelia rested her head on her knees, but she was staring at Haymitch. The memories of him were returning in flashes. They were always happy. Amelia was always happy with him. "Did I like it in District 12?"

Haymitch tilts his head back, letting it rest against the wall. "For the most part." Amelia wishes she could remember. "You liked some things—the meadow being one of them." She listens carefully. "You have a thing for wildflowers."

Amelia remembered him saying that before. She grabbed the ring around her neck, letting her fingers glide over the carvings. "The white ones. I liked those the most." He smiled. There were signs of the old Amelia returning. They were few and far between, but he could see them. Her old mannerisms and attitude were breaking through the mental barriers that had been put up. "And I hate roses."

"You do." She never liked roses. Amelia rubbed at her eyes. She was exhausted. It was hard to sleep these days. "You okay?'

"I'm okay," she assured him. "Just tired."

He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Plutarch. "Haymitch." The grey-haired man addressed him. "We need you at the debriefing."

"Right," Haymitch grumbled. "Coming."

"Debriefing?"

"Yeah," he stood up. "Katniss is going to District 2 tomorrow to address the loyalist. I'm going with her." 

Haymitch was leaving. The thought terrified her for some reason. "You're leaving?"

Haymitch could see the fear in her eyes. "I'll be back in a few days, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." Amelia's nails dug into her skin. "Good luck."

"Thanks," he took a step back. However, he paused. "Just know that my door is always open if you need anything."

That caused her to smile. "Thank you."

"I'll see you soon." With that, he walked away. Amelia watched him for a moment, the memories of him returning once again.