Lost | ✓

Chapter 1. Stranger

🎶 Safarnama

Published on 01.04.2022

| AYANSH MEHRA |

I think I dislike travelling. I dislike visiting new places unlike most others who claim it as therapeutic or healing or calming or salvation or whatever they may call it. No offense to anyone, it's just my feelings. And I'm not saying because I hold some kind of grudge. I used to feel that travelling especially with people be it friends or family was some kind of recreation, a splash of colour in your monotonous life. That's what I assumed when I heard others talk and spill their travel diaries. For a long time, I even felt that maybe my company wasn't much interesting and hence I didn't enjoy it which I realise now was pretty insensitive. Blaming others for your situation? Not a good thing Ayansh, not a good thing.

I've been to trips with my classmates when I was in hostel, I've been to trips with my family, I've been to solo trips too a few times although the main purpose of that wasn't touring but nevermind. One might argue saying that nature are your best friends, breathe in the fresh air and feel free, let go off all your stress and just bask in the beauty but this too doesn't work for me. Right now it feels so stupid to wonder about this while I walk through this lush green valley searching for some isolated corner where I can have some alone time, where I'm actually not seen rather than being seen yet not seen but this is the only thing I can think about.

I'm in Mahabaleshwar currently in search of some cave where I can finally adapt asceticism.

Just kidding.

I'm here with my brother and his friends who might be busy chatting and relishing some delicacies or in sightseeing. I believe it's my introverted personality that makes it hard to get noticed. I really didn't want to come but my parents forced me to have some fun before I leave to Cambridge for my MBA. My brother simply shrugged to it as if my presence or absence didn't make any difference which is kinda true as well. I wanted to protest against the idea and say that I'll have more fun staying at home but gave up.

It was super awkward to be with people who didn't care about your presence. Neither did I've any inputs to give so that I could voluntarily involve myself in their conversation. I was glad that I was left alone but a part of me wished if anyone, more like my brother could actually try to involve me too but nevermind. It's kind of pathetic that I, a grownup wished for someone else to try to make me feel comfortable. Okay, no self pitying right now. I wanted to zone out and act as if nobody else was present but the fear of being watched overtook that wish and so here I'm like a wanderer trying to discover a secluded corner just for himself.

I've been pretty successful in my mission by the way. The place where I'm standing at the moment is isolated, there are no guards and security around. It feels better with nobody around. I don't feel conscious anymore. I don't have to pretend neither care if someone is watching me or not. It's just me and my loneliness comforted with my weird thoughts who are together. It's a good package in my opinion. Better than thinking about what others might be thinking about you, you let your mind wander onto random things even if they don't make sense.

Although the place where I'm standing right now is secluded and has nobody around, I really have this urge to find out where this way ends. So, I walk further. The weather is cool. The sun rays don't burn you. The breeze blowing don't make you shiver. It's like a thin, soft quilt that you just want to wrap around yourself. There's this feeling to be enveloped in such a comfort for forever. To just keep walking on this way without any worry or destination. To never want it to end. But then I see the end. And I see someone.