Lost | ✓

Chapter 12. Conflicted

🎶 Shikayatein

Published on 25.05.2022

| AUTHOR'S POV |

Ayansh,

Let me start the letter by confessing something. I really, really envy your handwriting. It's actually so pretty! Whereas my handwriting has just downgraded over the years. I know this isn't something you write in a letter but then I really want to write a letter even though I don't know what do I write. There's so much I want to say but I don't know how to put it down. Thank you for your letter by the way. It helped me. I don't want to go into details but just know it did so yeah, thanks.

Much to your disappointment, I'm still proud of you. And to me, it doesn't matter if you believe it or not. I know it must have taken enormous strength and courage to step out of your boundaries and take a leap over your fears. You don't need to be some superficial hero, invincible and unshakeable or confident with a tinge of arrogance. You just need to be you, competing with yourself, trying to be better than you were yesterday. And you did exactly that. The man for whom we spoke up, will speak up for himself the next time and you see it's something to be proud of. It's the power of words. If used wisely, they inspire, they influence, they heal and if not, they hurt, they stab, they break you.

I don't like nights. Neither do I like to to lose myself in my thoughts. It's scary because my thoughts have a way to go down on the road which leads you to no destination. It leads you to destruction. It drags you to a scary place and traps you. It suffocates you. I dread it and I hate it so much. So, I prefer to sleep. Blank, dreamless sleep. A perfect escape. But there are days when sleep too don't provide any respite. The dreams get disguised as nightmares and haunt you, strangle you. It's in such days when you need a ray of hope. You're so disoriented that you don't even look for it but you need it. And if Ayansh, you're the moon then I'm the lost traveller aimlessly walking and your liquid light spilling from the spaces between the clouds is my ray of hope. Your letter, your words were my ray of hope in disguise.

Thank you for reminding me of hope.

Never thought there would come a day where we would be writing letters and reminding each other of something that we seemed to be forgetting. Life works in weird ways truly. It never goes as per our plan but I would like to hope that wherever it leads us, it's better than what we had imagined.

You too forget that I ever wrote this letter. I'm just in a sentimental mood. And don't you dare bring this letter up ever if you love your life!

Hope there comes a day when you're able to express everything that you want to without any hesitation, without needing the help of a paper and a pen to someone who deserves it.

Defectively effective,
Inaaya Rai.

🥀

Ayansh folds the paper and throws his head back, closing his eyes. He read the letter thrice and everytime he reads it, it makes his heart ache more than before. It disturbs him more than before. It's like every positive thing from the letter is dissipating and all that remains is questions and doubts.

He smiles when he reads how his confession about the cafe incident didn't change her opinion of him. She didn't want to convince him to believe her words and accept that he was brave and not a coward. She simply was stubborn to convince him that she stands by what she said and she'll always do no matter if someone else believes them or not. It's the way she is; stubborn, firm and unwavering. All the things that he isn't.