Lost | ✓

Chapter 8. Overthinking

🎶 Locha-E-Ulfat

Published on 09.05.2022

| AUTHOR'S POV |

Ayansh wasn't an ardent nature lover but he loved rains. He was a pluviophile. Maybe it was the soothing sound of the drizzle or the splatter of downpour or maybe it was the way the whole world would appear blur, the people would seem alike when you gaze at them through the droplets. It was the way how these uncountable tiny drops encompassed the ability to bring so many people, so many places under their wrap. It made everything look so insignificant. Him, his problems, his insecurities, his worries everything seemed like a tiny droplet amongst many others; so small that you can't even make it out, so tangled that you can't even separate.

Rains were a perfect distraction for him, a perfect escape. It was perfect because when it was gone, it would take away most of the hurricane of emotions that he would be feeling. It would make him feel better, so much calmer.

"So how's it going in the office?" His Dad asked him while having dinner.

Ayansh looked up from his plate. "It's good. It's a nice learning experience." He replied in a small voice.

"You should talk and interact with people more. Come out of your shell." His Dad said in a monotone since he was repeating the same thing for the millionth time and he knew that it was futile.

"I'm trying." Ayansh answered with his patent response. It was true though. He did try but it was never enough.

"That's what you always say Ayansh." His Mom said disappointedly.

Ayansh's grip tightened around the fork.

"Mom Dad," Rahul intervened, putting an arm around Ayansh's shoulders. "Calm down. He's trying. He's just a little introvert and takes time to mingle with all. Y'all need to stop worrying about him. He's gonna slay." He said confidently.

Ayansh didn't know what his parents reactions were. He didn't look up to meet his brothers gaze either. He simply carried on having his dinner and spaced out. It was probably the first time ever that someone, his brother defended him, supported him. It felt good. It felt lighter to have someone on your side to share the weight. He had craved for this his entire life and he would like to believe that it was genuine and not conditional, that his brother being on his side wasn't just a result of Ayansh agreeing to him and even if it was then he would like to believe that there's nothing wrong in it. It was justified, it was fine and it was normal.

Later that night, his thoughts drifted off to the incidents that happened earlier. It's not new when he feels embarassed of himself. He can't even take a stand for himself so doing it for others doesn't even stand a chance. He can't bring himself to think about what Inaaya must be thinking about him. First, he tried to stop her, urged her to leave and then left as if two seconds more did he spend surrounded by people, he might get an attack.

He doesn't even know how did he even manage to speak those few words. It just happened in the spur of the moment. He couldn't see any way the argument would end soon and he wanted to leave, desperately. He also felt scared for Inaaya. The man was threatening her and although now when he thinks he knows that he couldn't have done anything to her but in that situation, he did feel scared. Also awful because she was alone taking a stand for a completely unknown person and the least he could've done was atleast stand beside her but he couldn't even do that at first. Maybe it was reckless, impulsive what he said later because the Ayansh he's familiar with isn't gutsy. He's far from that.