Lost | ✓

Chapter 5. Library

Published on 26.04.2022

| AUTHOR'S POV |

Inaaya skipped her piano classes and went back home. She was frustrated, angry but more than that she felt hurt, she felt pain.

"And this time, the challenge is you and he's going to win it."

The words kept echoing in her mind, haunting her, taunting her. Maybe she was overthinking, overreacting - hell yeah, she was overreacting! But how can one control their thoughts when all it wants is to run away from your reach? That's the reason she despises being alone. Her thoughts always find a way to wander off to places where she never wants to visit.

Her mother was surprised to see her back home. "Did your class get cancelled?" She asked although she was certain that wasn't the reason. Even if her class had gotten cancelled, she would've been anywhere but home.

"I just didn't feel like going today." Inaaya answered while taking a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Are you okay? Did something happen?" She asked softly watching her daughter take two gulps of water.

"Nothing. Don't worry." Inaaya answered and turned back to leave.

"Do you want me to make you something?"

"No, thanks."

"You can tell me if something is bothering you. Maybe that will make you feel better." Her mother said wanting to help her.

Inaaya turned around to face her. "I'm just overreacting. Fine!?" She said bluntly and without an ounce of regret for being rude to her mother, she left.

Her mother gripped the counter and sighed. It wasn't unusual. She trying to reach her, wanting to hold her hand and her pushing her mother away or running away from her. Most of the times, she convinced herself saying that this behaviour was just because her daughter was a grownup now. She likes to have her own space and doesn't want mollycoddling. But a small part of her knew that wasn't the reason. That was never the reason.

Inaaya laid down on her bed. Her legs hanging from the edge, her hands intertwined and placed on her stomach and her eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. She started taking steady breaths and then she clenched her jaw when she felt her eyes brimmed with tears. She tried to blink them back but it didn't help. So she closed her eyes and tried to just focus on her breathing as the teardrops slipped through the corners of the eyes leaving streaks.

She hates being angry. She hates how she ends up hurting others when she's hurting. She hates how suffocating she feels when she's at home. She hates when she finds herself entangled in the web of her thoughts. That's the reason she doesn't like to be left alone. After college, she goes for piano and singing classes. And on days where she doesn't have classes, she spends her time with Alisha before coming to her house around dinner time. She knows her mother craves to shower her with her love. She too wants to feel loved. But she doesn't want to be at home. She feels too fragile, too helpless to face him everyday, to be in his shadow and act as if nothing had happened, nothing had went wrong. And she's too weak to let it go, to forgive, to move past it.

Inaaya didn't know when she drifted off to a light sleep. It was broken by the continuous knocking on her door. Instantly, she knew it was her brother. She sat on her bed rubbing the sleep off her eyes. She didn't answer. She didn't want to. She just wanted to go back to sleep and avoid everything, be ignorant, be oblivious. It feels better that way.