Kiribaku Oneshots

Midnight Snack

I dunno. This'll probably be real short.

CW: mild angst I guess?, self doubt, anxious coping habits, don't worry this is gonna be fluffy too

Sometimes Kirishima gets really sad. Enough to keep him from sleeping because his brain just won't stop spinning with thoughts. Doubts, second guessing himself, questioning his worth, it doesn't matter what it is. Sometimes, it's just bad enough to keep him awake at night. He hides it well, but normally, his friends and boyfriend are able to clue into it. They can tell when he's faking his smile. Over the years, he'd learned to trust that those he loves won't shame him for expressing how he feels, and has gotten better at reaching out for help. However, in those wee hours of the morning where his brain won't shut off, he never does. He hates bothering people, and he especially doesn't want to wake someone up just to tell them he's feeling particularly worthless at that ungodly hour. So, while living in the dorms, he'd cope by sneaking down to the kitchen and making himself a midnight snack. Sometimes even a midnight meal. A bag of beef jerky, leftovers, ramen with copious amounts of cheese, hell, maybe even a mug cake if he was craving something sweet. He tried to eat relatively healthy for the most part, but in these hours of his personal demons' rule, he indulged. It didn't happen too much, and it happened less and less over his years there, but it was a habit nonetheless, and bad habits are tough to break.

Especially when, in the first official year of your hero career, you and your boyfriend have to work extra hard to make it anywhere in the hero ranks, as well as to bring enough money home to your first shared apartment so that you can pay rent and buy groceries. They lived comfortably, but it was a lot of work for what seemed like a snail's pace worth of progress. Even after all they had been through, after all that they had achieved and all the affirmation he'd been told, he still found himself staring at the ceiling at two in the morning, questioning if he was worthy of being a hero. Was he good enough? Is he not doing enough? Why does it seem like all his hard work is amounting to nothing? He's lost in his head, and he doesn't want to wake up the amazing man sleeping next to him, curled up so close to his chest, to tell him that he doesn't feel like he's enough. He works so hard as well. Is he holding him back? Does he deserve to be with him? He can't take it. His head is spinning, and the only clear path is to the kitchen. Bakugou his a heavy sleeper, but Kirishima is still careful and slow in his movements to escape his grasp and slip out of bed without waking him. He plucks his phone off their nightstand and shuffles to the kitchen, not bothering to put a shirt on as he goes. He flicks on the light above the oven as he scrolls through recipes he'd saved online. He finds one for those super fluffy soufflé pancakes. Sure. He could go for something sweet. He tries to be as quiet as he can, using only his phone's flashlight and the stove light to guide him.

Following a recipe was supposed to distract him from his swirling thoughts, but all that stress was overwhelming, and his grogginess didn't help. There were shells in the eggs, salt where sugar should be, he couldn't even find cream of tartar, and every mistake made him more and more frustrated. He found himself staring at the mess he made and the unheated pan he was supposed to be cooking his disaster of a concoction in, brows furrowed, tears beading his eyes, and knuckles pearly white in their grip on the kitchen counter.
'Pathetic,' his thoughts whisper to him. 'What kind of fuck up can't even make pancakes? You can't do anything right. No wonder you're not making any progress. You don't deserve to be a hero. You're holding him back. You don't deserve him. Who would want such a shitty hero for a boyfrien-'
"You keep gripping the counter like that, it'll break," Bakugou's voice cuts through the fog. Kirishima's heart nearly jumps out of his chest as his head whips towards the sound of his boyfriend. He finds the blonde leaning against the frame of the kitchen door, a tired, but not annoyed look on his face. It's only now that Kirishima realizes he's been crying. He quickly wipes away his tears.
"K-katsuki, Jesus, you scared me. I'm sorry, did I wake you- well- obviously I woke you. I can stop if you want-"
"Eijiro," Bakugou interrupts him.