Kiribaku Oneshots

The List

Good evening/morning/afternoon/whatever. Have some nsfw bakusquad crack.

They're playing games or something on discord vc when:

Pikachu: Ok, squad physical dick size, largest to smallest-

*laughter*

KingExplosionMurder: The fuck do you mean "physical dick size?" What other kind is there?

Pikachu: There's physical dick size, and then there's the dick size energy you give off at a given moment.

BassBaddie: Why can you sound professional when explaining this but you have to use memes when explaining your assignments in class-

Pikachu: Anyway, let's get back to the main assignment! Dick size! Biggest to smallest! Go!

Spider-Tape: Kiri, me, Bakugou and Ashido are tied, Kami, then Jiro.

*Mina and Denki cracking up*

BassBaddie: Why are Mina and I on the list?

AcidHoe: He's counting our clits.

BassBaddie: Why are you so high up then?

*...*

RedTheRockRiot: Have you not seen hers?

BassBaddie: No????? What kind of lesbian do you take me for?!

*laughter*

AcidHoe: Ah, that's right, I haven't fucked you yet.~

BassBaddie: *WJAVSHDJFF* EXCUSE ME???

*Denki, Hanta, and Eijiro cackling*

KingExplosionMurder: Bigger question, why the fuck are we tied? I'm obviously bigger-

AcidHoe: BITCH- ain't no way!

Spider-Tape: That delegation was purely because I can't remember who's bigger.

BassBaddie: I still have no context. Mina, can you explain?

AcidHoe: One sec...'kay, look at the picture I sent you.

BassBaddie: Wh- *sighs in gay panic* fine...............

*...*

RedTheRockRiot: ...Kyoka?

BassBaddie: ...oh.

*laughter*

AcidHoe: Like what you see?~

*more laughter*

RedTheRockRiot: *wheezing* I CANT FUCKIN BREATHE-

Pikachu: KYOKA.EXE HAS CRASHED *cackling*

KingExplosionMurder: Can we get back to the subject of how my dick is bigger than Raccoon Eyes's tentaclit?

AcidHoe: Nah, cause my tentaclit is bigger than your dick. Whip out a ruler if you think I'm wrong, bitch!

KingExplosionMurder: I ain't getting hard for this shit!

*Kiri dying in the distance.*

Spider-Tape: Y'all better chill. Ei's finna leave us behind if he keeps laughing.

KingExplosionMurder: I can hear my own boyfriend's demise, thank you. 'Sides, if anyone's gonna kill him it's me. *ping* The fuck?

Pikachu: What?

AcidHoe: I sent him a picture of me measuring my clit.

*laughter*

KingExplosionMurder: Oh it's on, bitch. Let me find mine.

Spider-Tape: Let's take some time to check in with our local DJ. You there, amiga?

BassBaddie: *Windows boot up sound effect*

*laughter*

Pikachu: WHAT THE FUCK- IS THAT YOUR SOUND BOARD?!

BassBaddie: *Snoop Dogg "YEEAAAH"*

*laughter intensifies*

RedTheRockRiot: *distant scream* STAAAHHHP!!! *crashing sounds*

*laughter intensifies again*

Spider-Tape: I believe that was the sound of our dear shark boy falling out of his chair and tossing his headset.

KingExplosionMurder: Found it!

Pikachu: *catching his breath* What's the verdict, chief?

KingExplosionMurder: ...GODDAMMIT-🔇

*laughter starts back up*

AcidHoe: Aaaand that's the sound of him having a smaller dick than me. Kyoka, honey, do you have some applause?

BassBaddie: *audience applause sounds*

AcidHoe: Ah, yes, thank you! Thank you! I'd like to thank the academy, my mom, and of course, my six and a half inch tentaclit!

RedTheRockRiot: *climbing back into his chair, caught his breath* I'm back, what did I miss?

KingExplosionMurder: *unmutes* Yours may be longer by a quarter fucking inch but MINE is prettier!

AcidHoe: *long gasp* Ex-fucking-scuse me?!

RedTheRockRiot: Ah, so this is what I missed.

KingExplosionMurder: Shitty Hair, tell her my dick is prettier!

AcidHoe: Eiji, honey, tell him mine's prettier.

RedTheRockRiot: I came back at the wrong time.

*laughter*

RedTheRockRiot: Guys please don't make me choose between my boyfriend and best friend's dicks.

KingExplosionMurder: What choice is there to make?! I'm your boyfriend! You're stuck with this dick forever!

Pikachu: *AISBDUDOEJSCWHDIID*

Spider-Tape: Was that...was that a proposal, hombre?

KingExplosionMurder: ...*leaves*

*laughter*

RedTheRockRiot: Y'all, we may or may not be back but Imma bounce, I got a fiancé to smooch. *leaves*

Spider-Tape: Well, does that answer your question, Denks?

Pikachu: Dude, that was better than anything I expected to come from that!

Spider-Tape: Even though you have the second smallest dick?

Pikachu: Alright-

Yeah that's all I've got. Go check out my other book where I write more stuff like this and other ships.