Gangster. (Discontinued)

Chapter 19: Questions

Cold is what greeted me the moment I opened the door to my condo unit. Cold, silence, and nothing else. I usually appreciate it dahil mainit sa labas, pero ngayong nanlalamig ako dahil nawalan ako ng dugo, I'm not so sure if I like it.

"Home sweet home." Mahinang bulong ko at hinagis ang phone at bike keys ko sa sofa. I followed suit, plopping down and planting my face on the soft surface.

I'm so tired.

Medyo malayo ang biyahe mula sa private house nina Kiel kaya naman natagalan ang pagbalik ko dito para makapagpahinga. And it's not like the ride back home was relaxing, dahil pinag-uusapan ng kambal ang 'kill count' nila at kung gaano kalinis ang shot kanina ni Patrick. They were proud. Even Harris was impressed.

I can only hope na ganun din ang pakiramdam ko. Dahil sa tuwing ipipikit ko ang mata ko ay naaalala ko ang mukha ng babaeng binaril ko. Ang babaeng pinatay ko. And I'm not proud. I'm not impressed with myself. I'm horrified. There's no going back now.

I roll over to my back and stare at the ceiling. Nakapatay ako. Pumatay na ako. Wala na. I've fallen into this dark pit forever. Hindi na ako mabuting tao.

I feel something poking me, and I take out my silver dagger from my pocket.

"Rilliane... survive."

Naramdaman ko ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko nang maalala ko ang mga salita ni Lolo. Survive. I've done a great job surviving so far, didn't I? Pang ilang beses na ba 'to na nalagay ako sa panganib? This probably won't the last time either. Do I also have to kill the next time I'm in danger?

Akala ko noon matatakasan ko ang dilim ng mundong pinasukan ko, pero mukhang niloloko ko lang pala ang sarili ko. After all, walang mabuting tao ang kayang magtagal sa ganitong klase ng buhay, di ba? So if I want to live, I've got to fucking stomach this.

With a hardened resolve, I close my eyes and try to fall asleep, ignoring the screams of my conscience and the face of the woman I killed. And it worked, because soon enough this murderer is falling into slumber.

==

I wake up to the sound of door slamming shut, followed by a quiet, "Aw, fuck."

Napangiti ako nang marinig ko ang boses and don't bother opening my eyes. I hear the footsteps echo as the owner of the voice walks towards me, stopping right in front of the sofa. I can feel him staring at me.

"Alam kong gising ka."

Natawa ako ng mahina at binuksan ang mga mata ko. "Hi, Max."

"Hi ka jan. What the hell are you doing down here?" Kunot-noong tanong niya. "Bakit hindi ka man lang umakyat sa kwarto mo?"

"Eh. Tinatamad ako." Ngisi ko sa kanya at inikot lang niya ang mga mata niya sa dahilan ko.

"Ang sabihin mo, hinang-hina ka na. Tsk." He clicked his tongue, before leaning down to my form. "Come here, princess. I'll take you upstairs."

Inalalayan niya akong umupo, gathers me in his arms before carrying me to my room. I rest my head on the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent and calming myself down. He's here. With me. I'm fine now.

Naramdaman niya ang ginawa ko and I feel his arms around me tighten. Reassuring me. I sigh in comfort.

I will be eternally grateful that Maximus is here.

Nang makarating kami sa kwarto ko ay ibinaba niya agad ako sa kama. Nakaupo lang ako at pinapanood ko lang siya habang kumukuha siya ng bihisan sa cabinet ko. He didn't even take that long, in less than a minute he already has a nightgown in his hands as he sits down next to me. I guess kabisado na niya ang damitan ko. Without saying a word, he starts to takes off my clothes. Carefully.