Gangster. (Discontinued)

Chapter 23: Legacy

"You've got too many Milkis in your fridge."

"Mm-hmm."

"It's not healthy. Kailangan mo ng healthier drinks, Rilliane."

"Mm-hmm."

"Like fruit juices - proper fruit juices. Not the overly sweet ones."

"'Mm-hmm."

"...Are you even listening?"

Napilitan akong i-angat ang tingin ko mula sa libro ko nang kunin ito ni Ezekiel. His frown greets my gaze and I sigh.

"Kiel, you know wala akong oras mag-grocery, right?" Sabi ko, stretching and leaning forward on the kitchen table. We're currently in my condo, and it's 8:30 in the morning and I am not in the mood to listen to his rants about my food choices.

"Kahit naman mag-grocery ka, you still buy junk foods." He grumbles. "Gusto mo bang magka-diabetes or UTI?"

I snatch my book back from his hands. "Obviously not."

Ezekiel let out a noise of complaint but didn't take it from me again. Nagpatuloy ako sa pag-babasa. Halos dalawang pages na rin ang matatapos ko nang magsalita uli siya.

"What are you even doing?"

"Homework." I reply. "I have to submit a book review in two days."

Ilang segundo uli siyang natahimik bago niya sinabing, "You're really serious about your studies, huh?"

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, but it sounded like a loaded question. Like there's something beneath the surface that he actually wants to say, like he's insinuating something. But instead of answering, I question him back.

"And you?" I ask. "You're serious about criticizing every corner of my kitchen?"

Ezekiel freezes, realizing what he's been doing. Isinara ko ang libro ko at humarap sa kanya. He puts my pepper grinder back on its shelf before clearing his throat and awkwardly shoving his hands in his pockets. I stare at him.

It's normal for Kiel to be in my condo, he's one of my closest friends and we hang out here all the time - well, at least before Axcel. Siya ang may kasalanan kaya nagkaroon ng blackmail material si Axcel laban sa'kin noon, kaya naman napagalitan namin siya ng husto, and I guess, he sulked and his visits became less frequent. But he completely stopped coming when I started befriending the guy. Hindi niya lang talaga siguro kayang magustuhan si Axcel Villaramos, which is understandable. Ezekiel isn't the friendliest guy and neither is Axcel.

But since nawala na siya sa buhay naming lahat, it's back to old times. Ezekiel comes to hang out in the mornings, sometimes the whole gang, and sometimes, when they all leave, Maximus sneaks back in and stays for the night.

There's a dull feeling in my chest nang maalala ko si Max. It's not the overwhelming guilt that washes over me every time I remember him, the one na halos gusto kong magcollapse sa bigat, no - this one is mellow, almost unrecognizable with how vague it is. But if I were to guess, it's probably a mix of "I miss him" and "I wish I never see him again".

I realize the numbness from yesterday bled to the next day, today. I still feel like I'm covered in a bubble wrap, and I can barely - if not at all - feel anything. It's like all the guilt, the fears, has been toned down significantly.