Gangster. (Discontinued)

Chapter 22: Hands of Blood

Rilliane

I can barely keep my eyes open.

Good god, I'm so sleepy.

Sinusubukan kong bigyan ng atensyon si Bhea habang nagkukwento siya sa harapan ko - nagsasalita siya, that much I know, hindi ko lang sure kung anong sinasabi niya - pero hindi ko magawang mag-focus and her voice are starting to sound muffled in my ears, along with the clinking sounds of drinks and utensils here in the cafe. The aroma of coffee in the air doesn't help either, the smell just relaxes me more and makes me want to sleep.

"-akala raw niya, absent ako ng isang linggo! Hindi ak- Rilliane?"

Fingers are snapping in front of my face, but it takes me a few seconds before I realize na tinatawag pala ako ni Bhea from across the table.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry." I blink a few times, trying to keep myself awake. "I'm listening."

She throws me a look. "Talaga lang ha."

Napabuntong-hininga ako. "Sorry, medyo inaantok lang ako. Anyway, what were you saying?"

"Sabi ko ang galing ko na yatang magtago dahil akala ng isa sa mga kaklase ko absent ako ng isang buong linggo." Paliwanag niya. I just nod, slowly fading away again.

The barista comes and places our drinks on the table, the sudden appearance alerting me out of the haziness. Anne smiles at me, then turns around to serve the other customers their orders.

My gaze follows the green drink she places on their table.

I can't help but think of him.

"Speaking of absent ng matagal," Bhea starts, and my chest tightens, already knowing kung anong sunod niyang sasabihin. "Axcel."

"What about him?" I say, sipping my drink as I try to act casual at the mention of his name.

"Parang may nagbago sa kanya, no?" Sabi niya. "Hindi ko alam kung ano exactly, dahil gano'n pa rin naman ang mga kilos at gawi niya, pero may iba."

"That's not surprising, considering he almost died recently." Komento ko.

"Sabagay... Nga pala!" Bhea suddenly perks up, pointing the straw of her drink at me. "Hindi na talaga siya lumalapit sa'tin, buti na lang. Kahit na malakas pa rin ang usap-usapan na may kinalaman ka sa pagkawala niya, at least hindi na kayo nakikitang magkasama. Paano mo nagawa 'yon? Dati talagang dikit siya ng dikit eh."

"Mm-hmm."

Bhea pauses at my nonchalant response. "...So paano mo nga nagawa? Anong sinabi mo?"

I slightly grimace at the insistent question.

Well, hindi nga naman alam ni Bhea ang buong kwento, so I can't blame her for asking. Wala siyang alam kung anong mga sinabi namin sa isa't-isa nung araw na yun. Wala din naman akong balak sabihin sa kanya.

I don't think about it. I don't even attempt thinking about it.

Pakiramdam ko ay napakaduwag ko, dahil imbes na harapin ang mga consequences ng mga ginawa ko at emosyon na dapat na nararamdaman ko, I'm just hiding and running away from them.

"Rilliane?"

I snap out of my thoughts when Bhea calls my name. Naalala ko ang tanong niya. I just shrug, choosing to not answer. Halata sa mukha niya na she was expecting a response, but she drops it and changes the topic instead. I don't tell her, but I'm grateful.

"Eh, basta masaya lang ako at nakabalik na siya at hindi na siya lumalapit sa'tin. Nakakatakot si Charles nung wala pa siya." Bhea shivers a bit at the memory. She's still shocked about our encounter with Charles.