In the weeks that followed my unwilling return from Japan, I was lost.
Where my first few days with Taishiro had been nothing but wishing to escape, I now wanted nothing more than to go back but he’d taken all of that into account.
When I’d tried to book a flight almost immediately upon landing, I was on a no fly list. He had been meticulous and I wondered how long he’d planned this. Was it before or after he’d started fucking me?
My heart and I were broken.
I felt used, rejected and unwanted.
How had he kissed me and let me go with the thought that I’d be coming right back? He hadn’t even given me the slightest hint that I’d never see him again.
This fucking man who had turned my world upside down, had ruined me.
I’d tried to piece myself together but it was a hack job. I feel loose within my own skin, uncomfortable in my old house.
Japan was never meant to be permanent but it was also not meant to be so fleeting; I just wasn’t ready to leave yet.
There were a million things I wanted to say to him but as I went through the motions, reapplying to school, trying to fit in with my old friends again; all I wanted to do was yell at him.
I wanted to scream until my throat was raw then scream some more. It felt like I was living in a haze.
I was apart from everyone around me and I didn’t know how I was going to find my way back to who I had been before crossing the ocean.
After three months, I’m still not completely whole; I doubt I’ll ever be. A man like Taishiro doesn’t barrel into your life and not leave a mark on you… but I’m trying.
I think I also might have some kind of PTSD but speaking to a therapist makes me uncomfortable. How would I start that conversation?
Uh… I was kidnapped by a mob boss in Japan, shit happened and now I think I’m being stalked half a world away.
Was that the way to go?
Tetsu jostles my shoulder.
“Hey, you’ve zoned out again.”
I gaze up from the textbook I forgot I was supposed to be reading. Sorry,” I say sheepishly, because he’s taken time out of his day to help me cram for exams.
He’d started on campus not long after me and as newbies do, we stuck together. The fact that we managed to get along was just a happy accident and we’d started hanging out off campus too.
He’s an absolute egghead but fuck if he doesn’t remind me of Kiri. I squeeze my eyes shut. All that reminder ever does is make me think of he who must be forgotten.
“Wanna call it a day?”
I nod. Studying is useless when my head is this foggy. “Yeah, I’m sorry for wasting your time, Tetsu.”
He slings his backpack over his shoulder, “It’s not a waste but are you okay?”
“Peachy,” I say with a shrug then look up at the newcomer to our table.
He introduces himself as Chad and I have to stop my eyes from rolling so far back in my head I could see the inside of my skull.
Great, a fucking Chad named Chad.
Tetsu hovers and I don’t know if I should be grateful or annoyed. I think I might like some privacy while being hit on in a public library.
Turns out we share a physics class, he’s also on the football team and he’s… cute? I think. It’s hard to tell when my type is whatever the fuck Fatgum is.
I’m so dumbstruck when he asks me out, it takes me a moment to process his question.
I smile up at the blonde even as Tetsu stiffens beside me, looking extremely uncomfortable.
“Yeah… yeah, I think I’d like that.”
You know what they say… in order to get over someone, you have to get under someone.
Is it drastic? Sure. But, I can’t keep moping over a lie.
We set a time and Tetsu and I leave, walking together in silence though I can see something’s bothering him. Please don’t let him have a crush or some shit.
I need his friendship more than I need anything else from him.
“Are you sure you want to do that?”
“Mhm, he seems okay. I can always mace him if he gets handsy with me,” I joke.
He doesn’t laugh. In fact, he looks almost ill.
Before I’m able to ask what’s wrong, he looks at me. “Are you really sure?”
“It’ll do me good, I think… leaving my house for something other than school or gaming at your place.”
He seems unconvinced and I’m not sure if asking why would ruin our friendship.
“Just think it over carefully,”he says as we stop at my place.
Yeah… that doesn’t sound fucking ominous at all…
“I’ll be fine, Tetsu.”
“I don’t think this is a good idea,Y/n.”
—------------------------
I check myself out in the bar mirror as I wait for my date, more nervous than I thought I’d be considering that this isn’t something that I’m serious about seeing through.
All I want is a distraction.
I need to keep my mind occupied outside of studying and sleeping which is what my life has been condensed to.
A kiss on my cheek startles me and I turn around to see Chad behind me, his hand resting in the centre of my back.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, traffic was a little nuts from my side of town.”
I smile up at him, “I haven’t been waiting all that long,” I assure him and motion to the stool beside me. “Wanna have a drink before grabbing a table?”
My palms are slightly sweaty and I grip my glass tightly. Shit, maybe Tetsu was right and this is a bad idea.
My date notices and stills my fingers as I fidget. His smile is warm and comforting and for a moment I just soak it in.
“First date in a while?”
I laugh. “Is it that obvious that I’m completely out of my depth?”
“Honestly?” he asks and I nod. “Then yeah, you look like you’re about to faint.”
The rest of the night passes without a hitch. I learned that he’d gone home for the summer and I shared the cliff notes version of my time in Japan.
He’s polite and funny, his occasional touch of my hand not at all pushy or assuming and his company is far superior to another night at home in my pyjamas, eating pizza rolls and watching reality TV.
I let him drive me home, my hand enveloped in his, his fingers cool against my warm skin.
It’s different. It’s… nice?
I could get used to it. I think.
His grip tightens slightly when we stop outside my house.
“I had a good time tonight,” he says, smiling warmly. “I’d like to do this again sometime, if you’re up for it.”
“Yea, I say softly, “I’d like that.”
Leaning across the centre console, he presses a chaste kiss to my lips.
Nothing. I don’t even feel a flutter and barely manage to hide my disappointment as he pulls away slowly.
Not even the slightest uptick in my heart rate.
I’m fucking doomed.
He waits until I’m sliding my key into the lock before driving off.
Turns out Chad is a gentleman, didn’t even push to come in for ‘coffee’.
“Y/n.”
I scream and drop my keys, turning to the voice that startled me, trying to decide whether to run or risk a physical fight. Tetsu, I’m not gonna lie, this is fucking creepy.”
A guilty flush colours his neck and my instincts start screaming at me. Shit. Fuck. Something is so off here and I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is.
“I really just wanted to be sure you got home alone.”
What the fuck?
“You should go. Right now,” I say, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice when someone else enters the conversation.
“You let him kiss her, that’s not very manly, bro. Fat is going to be pissed.”
A/n:
I take no criticism on our Chad named Chad.
May he live a long and happy life.
