A/N:
Holy shit, okay I’m alive… barely. My fully vaccinated ass is still struggling to get over covid… coughing like a middle aged man while writing smut is not the vibes
*seductively sips effervescents*
Anyhoo, I’m off my tiddies on meds, forgive my spelling
& I’m sooooooooooooooooo sorry that I’m late posting
{again}
{as usual}
{what’s new?}
~ yiyi
//
I'm a wreck.
Why did I let him touch me? I should have kicked him the moment he kneeled.
Instead, I'd left him and my panties on the floor and screamed to be let out of the room.
To his credit, he'd unlocked the door and let me go. To his discredit, he'd had a key the entire time.
I stare unseeingly into my mug. There's no way I'm leaving this house today.
I wouldn't be able to function in any of my classes anyway. A day to clear my head was necessary but getting Taishiro out from under my skin was not going to be easy.
Every bit of progress I'd deluded myself about making had come completely undone and I'd let it.
Sighing, I rest my head on the kitchen counter.
How much of a liar would I be if I said that I wasn't in control of myself last night?
"The biggest liar, you stupid bitch," I tell myself aloud.
There was no part of me that hadn't been completely present and willing. There was no part of me that didn’t want Taishiro to do whatever the hell he wanted to me, consequences be damned and then there’s the part of me that remembers exactly what it felt like to be abandoned by him.
“ Not doing that again,” I say into the empty kitchen and reach for the coffee pot. I should save myself the trouble and just por cream and sugar straight into it.
Not that I was surprised, Chad had left me behind. Who could blame the boy? I don’t think that being confronted by three yakuza made anyone think they were in for a friendly chat,
Unlike me, he definitely had a sense of self-preservation and didn’t let his genitals do the thinking for him.
A knock at the door makes me groan, whoever it is needs to fuck off and leave me to wallow in my stupidty for the next twent-four hours. I’m completely unfit for company.
The knocking intensifies and I push away from the counter, stamping my way to the front door and throw it open wide only to confront the delivery guy..
He tried to make small talk but the resting bitch face deters him and he hands me a large, heavy box.
My money is on it containing a severed head but as I walk inside and start opening it, I see the first glint of raw silk and curiosity gets the better of me.
The dress is beautiful and I turn right around and take it out, dumping it into the large trash can outside.
I can feel my heartbeat in my throat. The first and last time he’d given me an elaborate dress, he’d cut it off me. We’d fucked.
The first tear falls without me realising it and before I know, I’m hunched over, sobbing until my body aches. There is nowhere on earth I could run without the memory of him following me, haunting me.
I choke on the sobs, gasping for breath until I’m hyperventilating on the floor, suffocating on every emotion I hadn’t allowed myself to feel. I should never have studied abroad, should have left that library earlier, should have minded my own damn business that night.
Another knock interrupts my breakdown.
“Fuck off!” I scream in the general direction of the door, my voice thick with tears. Can I not even fall apart in peace?
“Dumpling?”
I groan. Fuck everything to the moon.
“Y/n!” He bangs on the door.
“Go away!” I yell, my voice cracking around another sob.
“Shit. I’m sorry… last night, I fucking shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have cornered you like that.”
I hiccup and scrub angrily at my face, dashing away tears.
“I’m sorry that I pushed you.”
“It’s fine.. I’m fine,” I lie, taking a shuddering breath.
“You don’t sound fine.”
Always gotta call me on my bullshit. “Please leave,” I beg softly, the fight leaching from me and exhaustion taking its place. All I want is my bed and to sleep for days.
I want to forget his existence…. I want to forget us.
“Please, I need to see that you’re okay. I can’t leave you like this.”
