Saving Me

Carpe Diem

Matt's POV:

Days off were usually spent catching up on housework that got neglected during my shifts and lounging around unless the weather was nice. On those days, the lounging included a fishing pole, some worms, a beach chair, a few cold beers, and a pond. But today, the lore of the pond and lazing in the sun just wasn't cutting it. Why? Well, that would be because of a certain little brunette that had been haunting me both day and night. Even after 3 days and even though the kiss she had given me on the cheek was supposed to innocent, I could still feel the ghost of her lips on my skin. I could still feel her in my arms as I'd held her as she cried.

In fact, thoughts of Stormy had been what made me finally clean out my closets, something that had been 10 years in the making. I'd tried over and over to make myself get ride of her things. Hell, I'd even bagged them all up once and had them sitting by the front door to load in the truck and donate. But when I'd picked that first bag up to toss it in the truck, guilt over moving on had crushed me, making me drag all the items back upstairs and putting them all back where they came from.

And don't even get me started on Danielle's room. I hadn't even opened that door since the day I came back to an empty house the day of the funeral. Ebony had been in there a couple times, claiming that it helped her feel close to Danielle and Cass, but I just couldn't bring myself to go in there. I knew that eventually I would have to go in there, that I would eventually have to force myself to get rid of Danielle's things, but today wasn't going to be that day.

Tossing the last bag of Cass's things onto the stack by the door, I was stared at them, waiting for the feeling of grief that always came to wash over me, yet it never came. Didn't come when I tossed the first bag into the bed of the truck either. Nor did it come when I tossed the last. Maybe it really was time that I did this.

I was just about to close the tailgate when not one, but two cardinals landed on the metal surface, settling beside one another. I didn't know if there was any truth in it or if was just a southern thing that people believed, but I was raised believing that anytime a cardinal was near, a loved one in heaven was visiting you. And here I was getting a visit from two cardinals on the day that I finally found myself able to get ride of Cass's things.

"Hey Cass." I said softly. "I finally did it. I finally cleaned out your closet." I watched as bird fluttered her wings as if she was about to take off but stayed perched where it was. "You will be happy to know that all of your clothes are going to someone that could use them. She lost everything in the tornado a few days ago. In fact, according to Ebony, she is a woman that is involved in the nonprofit that you started.

"Lord Cass, you would be so proud of what that group had grown into, what they have done to help women. I truly am in awe of the things they do for these women. It just hurt to know that you aren't here to see what it has flourished into. Damn, I feel like an idiot standing here talking to a bird but dammit do I miss you and Danielle. Which is weird since all I have been able to think about is the woman that I saved and her little girl. I feel like it's wrong that I have let my mind focus on something other than you and Danielle. But there is just something about her that I can't seem to get out of my mind."

I really was beginning to wonder if I was crazy when I was pretty sure the bird nodded its head at me. No way was I really communicating with this bird. No way in hell was it understanding what I was saying. But the longer the birds sat there looking at me, the more I felt like they were understanding me.

"Cass... Do you think it's time for me to move on with my life?" as I asked the question, a gust of wind blew, cooling my face, bringing with it the lavender scent that Cass used to wear. I didn't know if I smelled it because of the clothes I'd just bagged up or what, but it didn't matter. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had the answer that I needed and that I had the okay from my wife that it was okay to move on and find happiness again. I didn't know if it was just a coincidence that it happened.