Burnt (book1)

The letter

The Letter

"I can't open it" Scarlett said as she held out the letter to her future. Her hands shaking rapidly and her mother at her bedside, smiling nervously. "I can't open it." She repeated.

"Give it to me, I'll open it." Her mom said reaching for the letter but Scarlet pulled it away from her grasp.

"No" her tone was terrified. "I have to do it." Her shaking hands steadied as she pulled at the envelope. Breathe, Scar, just breath, she thought as she slowly pulled the letter out. She held the folded letter in her hands and just started at the wrong side of the paper. "I can't do it" she screamed and started to shove it back in the envelope.

"Scarlett" Lena's motherly tone breaking through, "you open it right now." Scarlett wanted to, she so badly wanted to open it and just find out if she got in but what if she didn't?

There was a study where two parallel words exist. You put a cat in a box. In one scenario the cat in alive and well, in the other, the cat is not alive. When the box is closed both worlds can exist. Without looking at the letter, without finding if she got into the program of her dreams, she could pretend that she didn't fail. She could keep her hopes up and have a good day. Her BookOutlet order had come and with 19 books inside she was more than happy to do nothing but read today. But the letter changed everything. The letter could break her down into a crying heap on the floor or make her jump for joy and spin in circles making her already dizzy symptoms even worse.

"I'm sick." She said slowly, keeping her eyes at the letter. "I have chronic subjective dizziness, migraine associated vertigo and postororthostaic tachycardia syndrome... I am sick." Scarlett said again reviewing her diagnosed problems. "If I don't get in, I can blame my sickness... right?"

"Open the letter" Lena said soothingly "I will love you no matter what, you can always try again next year." Scarlett nodded as she pulled the letter back out. She opened it slowly blocking the writing from her mothers' prying eyes. Scarlett didn't read the letter she scanned it, screeching for key words, congratulations or sorry to say, good words or bad, she could read it through once she found out. Scarlett couldn't believe her eyes.

"I got in." she said surprise filled her face as her mom adjusted the letter to read it. "I got in!" she yelled this time jumping up "I got in, I got in, I got in!" Scarlett spun in circles then fell to the ground dizzy. "I got in."

Scarlett turned 20, two weeks ago. She had been in the physical therapy program for just over 2 months and was struggling. She was never really better, but she was trying her best to live a normal life, to do normal things but it wasn't working, her body felt like it was shutting down. Her symptoms flared with stress, and with a three tests every week, on top of practical's and assignments, stress was the only thing she had on her mind. Her teachers saw her pain and struggles but there was nothing they could do. There was nothing real doctors could do let alone college teachers. Scarlett's life changed right in front of her eyes, right after she got the acceptance letter she was diagnosed with Lyme Disease.

"Lyme disease?" she questioned "Dog's get Lyme disease."

"Yes , it is also very common in humans as well." Scarlett looked to her mom but didn't say anything.

"Thank you" her mother said and picked up her phone. Scarlett leaned over and saw that her mom was texting her dad, it said: LYME DISEASE. Dots appeared right away indicating that he was responding.

LIKE IN DOGS? He responded and Scarlett laughed. The new diagnosis should have been good news but treating Lyme just made Scarlett hurt more. More headaches, joint pain, burning sensation, massive vertigo, tinnitus in her ears, numbness and tingling in her extremities, and even more, she couldn't breathe. There were so many things, horrible things wrong with her life that she had absolutely no control over.

If the medications didn't give Scarlett hallucinations or horrible acid reflux then they didn't work at all. Thousands of dollars spent on medications of all sorts and the only thing Scarlett had to show for it was a long list of amazon bills. Scarlett couldn't work, her dad was working overtime everyday due to budget cuts, her mom had a stable income of money and time with Scarlett. Which meant all the house work, the bills, Scarlett's health, everything was on Lena's shoulders.

"I can't quit" Scarlett cried out "I worked so hard to get here!" she stopped praying to God a long time ago. Now Scarlett just screamed at him, she hated him, pushed him away only to come crying to him later on. "I hate you" she bellowed at the pink speckled ceiling. "I hate you, you hear me. I. HATE. YOU." Scarlett had just gotten out of the hospital she was in the emergency room for a week and so far behind in her classes that she had to drop out of the program, there was no way she could keep up, she was still so weak. "I'm going backwards" she screamed out, as her mom waited in the hall silently crying to herself.

"Fix her. Fix my baby girl" Lena cried as she moved to weep in her own room where Brandon cradled her, telling her false reassurances that everything would be alright.

"Gah!" Scarlett screamed and screamed until her voice was hoarse and tears stained her dog printed pillow case. "Why does everything always have to go wrong in my life?"

Justa few years to get my life together Scarlett thought as she hit 'drop class'.She just needed some more time, more time to figure out how to live like this