You Found Me

You're My Idiot

Dear Ms Philips,

We would like to request your attendance at the annual Autumn carnival in Carpenters Park. We will be presenting to you an award to say thank you for raising over £5,000 in donations for Crisis at Christmas by climbing the very strenuous 5,895 meters up the Kilimanjaro Mountain in Tanzania.

Thank you very much for your efforts, your kindness will help many people who are struggling during the winter period. It's people like you who make the difference.

Yours sincerely,

The Crisis at Christmas Team

"Hey, where's my award then?!" Steph protests in a joking manner as she reads the email I received this morning. "I suppose it's because my name was the main account holder of our group. That said, I am more than happy for you to accept it on my behalf. I've got to say a speech and you know how much I love those," I cringe, taking my phone back from her. "It was a joke, I am so happy for you and I know that...Well, uhhh," she stops in her tracks, rolling her eyes. "Spit it out will you," I nudge her. "Matt would be very proud too," she answers cautiously. "He is alive you know. You don't have to speak of him in the past tense," I laugh, grabbing my bag from the bannister getting ready to leave for work. "To you he is. He told me that you haven't said two words to him since it all went down," she says solemnly. "Do you blame me? Come on, if the stiletto was on your foot you would be keying his car and lighting matches through his letterbox," I sigh, packing my lunchbox with water, a sandwich and Moonpie snacks for later. "I don't hate anyone, I could never do a thing like that!" She protests, her eyes popping out of her head in horror. "Figure of speech, darling. He is a lost cause and since we've come home he hasn't come near or by me," I inform her, chucking on my dark blue denim jacket and doing the buttons up to the top. The weather is starting to get chillier, gone are the long, warm summer nights. "I'm not surprised, but he did send you that email. He is like Mr Big from Sex in the City, remember at the very end of the movie when Carrie finds all the romantic emails he has sent her," she answers all gooey eyed, as if shes the one who has feelings for him. I have been pondering for days whether to respond back to his email that he sent me, but the stubbornness in me is refusing to do it. I want to let him stew and suffer a little while longer, but I'm also afraid that I will never stop being mad at him. "This isn't a film, Stephanie. And if it was it wouldn't be a rom com, it would be a horror movie about a vulnerable young woman who gets stalked and Catfished by her psychotic boss. Thank God I never invited him here in this house. Can you imagine? He would have probably put hidden cameras in all of my photoframes and then miraculously pretended that Lee was a psychic as well to swindle me out of my money," I sigh, exasperated. Her face creases up as we leave the house together and make our way to her car. "You overthink way too much, Matt is not a psychopath," she sniggers, getting into the drivers seat. "He has certainly acted like one though," I respond. "Are you still having Mary's mini birthday party at lunchtime today?" She asks swiftly changing the subject, reversing out of the driveway. "Yes, we are closing early at 3:30pm. She deserves to be spoiled and pampered a bit after such a shitty year. I had a chocolate fudge cake made for her and some buffet style food ordered in so everyone can just pick and choose what they want," I mumble whilst chewing on some cold toast which I grabbed before leaving the house. "I would come along too, however, I have a thirteen-year-old patient this afternoon who needs four teeth extracted for braces. She has a phobia of needles, so this is going to be a bag of laughs," she moans, turning the radio louder as Vanessa Carlton belts out A Thousand Miles. Taking me straight back to that August evening when we were celebrating the completion of our journey. "I need you and I miss you..." Steph sings along as we pull up outside work. Matt's Volvo is outside already which is a major bummer as I wanted to get some things organized alone in peace before Mary is due in. "Great, shit face is in," I moan with a sharp exhale. As soon as I say the words Matt comes out of the entrance doors, greeting two sets of parents and their kids. They must be for his morning sensory class. He is casually dressed in lightwashed jeans that are ripped at the hems, with beaten up white converse trainers and a black Batman signal t-shirt. I don't know whether he has done that on purpose as an inside joke, referring to when I laid into him after his confession and called him that character, but nonetheless it makes me smile quietly to myself. Thankfully he doesn't clock on to our presence in the car, so we just stare at him inconspicuously and eavesdrop. A young mother comes along from the back, hands him a cheque and gushes, "Our James has come on leaps and bounds since starting with you in March this year. He has started to read and write properly, his patience has changed dramatically. We used to have to keep the volume down on the television to a certain level and now that doesn't even phase him. On behalf of myself and my husband we would like to thank you. The school board have finally relented and agreed that they will take him on. So, he will be able to go to a mainstream school like all the other kids. We were petrified that James was going to end up in a special needs school and would be treated differently. What you have done with your organisation is truly special and heroic." He waves his hand in a modest manner and I can hear him saying something along the lines of doing it to keep his brothers legacy alive. "Very personable," Steph mutters, leaning over to my side of the car to listen in better. There is a fierce pull on my heartstrings as I watch how Matt interacts with the boy in question as the parents all disperse and go their seperate ways. I remember Matt telling me about this boy James who has Downs Syndrome and a speech impediment. "Mr Matthew," James says innocently as Matt takes his hand to lead him inside. "Yes, Mr James," Matt replies in a soft, gentle tone. "Do you play sports?" He asks, beaming up at him. "I play Badminton, football and swim twice a week. Batman has got to keep these muscles strong to fend off the bad guys little man. Why?" He stops and bends down so he is eye level with James. "If you play sports then why are you so fat?" James replies pointing to Matt's stomach and howls with laughter. I can see Matt is trying to hide the amusement on his face, I glance over at Steph whose eyes are twinkling with affection for him. I can't deny that my heart is swelling right now for him too, the way he interacts with the children is so charming and endearing. They all go inside and I wait a further five minutes to ensure that the coast is clear for me to start my working day. "Thanks for dropping me," I give Steph a kiss on the cheek and climb out of my seat. "Why are they hosting the awards ceremony at the carnival? Surely, it would be better in a more intimate and closed setting?" She asks, turning the key and the ignition back on. "They do it there to promote the chairties. A big event like that is bound to rake in a bit more money and attract awareness," I inform her. "Sweet as. I'll be seeing you on Saturday, then. I will be your plus one," she smiles, giving me a wave and drives off.