You Found Me

The Summit

The next day comes in the form of a torrential downpour. All of our tents have been saturated in water, luckily nothing precious of ours has been ruined. It has forced us to venture out even earlier than planned at 5:30am, it's still dark and we are navigating ourselves through the rocky paths with torches. There is a musty and damp aroma in the thick air, a far cry from the botanical gardens on day one. After last night Steph still won't let my moment with Matt rest. "Have you guys spoken about it yet? Did he sneak his way back to you last night for a snuggle?" She whispers, teasing me whilst trying to be discreet. "Steph, too many questions! And no, he didn't come back to me last night," I reply in a huff. Although I was kind of disappointed when he didn't return to my tent last night, my conscience has been beating myself up all morning. What the fuck was I thinking? How are we going to go back to reality and work closely together after we've been so intimate with each other? "After everything that myself and Lee have been through together how could I be so self-centred?" I mutter to myself, the words escaping my lips before I can stop them. "Let's be real here. What have you and Lee really been through together? Annie, he is not your boyfriend even though he would like to assert himself as one. Has he truly given you anything other than heartache this whole entire trip?" Steph responds, pulling her hood up to hear better. She is purposely keeping me behind the others so we can gossip more. "The reason why we are here in the first place is because of Lee. Even you can't deny that," I tell her. "Hmmm, I beg to differ on that one," she says, pursing her lips. "It was his whole idea in the first place, Steph!" I argue, remembering back to when Lee asked me to join him here after our very first phone conversation. "It might have been his idea. But who made that dream a reality?" She sighs, raising her eyebrows and pointing to Matt who is marching on ahead of us. He is lost in some deep conversation with William and Martin, laughing animatedly while doing a very good impression of Clint Eastwood. Seeing him in his element with his blue eyes glistening like the turquoise colour of the sea, does something to me that I cannot explain. He is cute and there is an element of sexiness that is undeniable, however, I can't just wipe Lee out like he doesn't exist. I need to give what we have a go. There are genuine feelings there, on the flip side he has let me down continuously before we came to South Africa and during this trip. My head is spinning around like a planet in the galaxy telling me one thing whilst my heart is beating for something else entirely. "Matt is good company but he is not boyfriend material. He's not even one night stand material, it wasn't that great," I lie, he was pretty good with his hands and I really wanted to take things further, but I'm not ready to admit that to her. "That is why you can't stop staring at him whenever the light catches his face. Every time I look at him he is fixated on you with a Donny Osmand Puppy Love glint in his eye. Don't make a mistake and lose something amazing for another thing that might not even be the real deal," she says, her expression is full of love and care. "He is real though!" I cry through gritted teeth. "Have you ever FaceTimed him, or asked for a selfie on the spot?" She asks in a demanding tone. "No, but I told you the reason for that. He never wanted me to see him in that God awful hostel, I can understand that," I reply shivering, my teeth chattering together. "That's bullshit, Annie and you know it. Are you trying to tell me that he couldn't of taken a picture in the toilet or against the fucking wall? There is absolutely no excuse for it, I don't care what you say," She mocks, her eyes narrowing. "I really can't answer that for him. I guess you have a point, when get to the summit and meet him properly then you can grill him Alan Sugar style all you want until you're satisfied," I answer in annoyance. "We'll see," she breathes a sigh of exasperation and walks on forward, her hiking poles crunching against the rocks from underneath as she goes. Filling the gap between us and the others, I pull my tired body along reluctantly. Everything she has said has some weight to it, I'll just have to wait and see what is in store for us. This cannot and will not turn into a stupid love triangle.

"While the name Kilimanjaro has its origins in the KiChagga word for "white," it is becoming increasingly less so. While it still covered with ice caps and glaciers at the higher levels, global warming is quickly changing the climate and scientists expect the famed snows of Kilimanjaro to disappear sometime between this year and 2033," William is giving us an afternoon lesson while we rest for lunch. I'm casually listening to him on and off, as much as I love him to bits he can be a little extra at times. I try not to notice it too much but every time I look in his direction Matt is eyeing me up and down like a lion stalking it's prey. It's uncomfortable. While everyone else is busy taking toilet breaks and filling up their water flasks he approaches me. "How ya doing?" He sniggers in a Joey from Friends accent. "I'm good thanks, how are you?" I reply, cool as a cucumber. "Desperate to be done with this now, all this icy shit is killing me off," he looks how I did yesterday, gaunt, worn out and physically exhausted. "Me too, it's going to be worth it though when I see Lee and you all meet him too," I reply enthusiastically, intentionally bringing Lee to the forefront of the conversation. The blood from Matt's face drains, his smile evaporates as his eyes dart to the ground and he starts swaying back and forth on the spot. "Is this guy really right for you, Annie?" He says, suddenly looking deep into my eyes as though he's searching within my soul for an answer. "Yes, of course he is. We've been speaking all this time. Why would you ask such I thing?" I scoff, trying to make light out of it. "After last night, I don't know. Didn't you feel something between us? I know I did," He asks, a serious edge in his voice. I never thought that this could happen with us. "Let's face it, we were both paralytically drunk. Anyway, a little touchy feely time with a mate can just be forgotten about and put down as an experience never to be had again. I can't even remember much of it, it's a total blur to me," I say in a jokey manner. He doesn't laugh or smile, his lips are pursed and his eyes are up to the sky. He nods slightly, seeming to concur with what I've just said. "Ok, that's all I am to you then. Just an experience," he snarls bitterly. "No, you've been an amazing friend to me these past few days and I'll never forget it. But I'm in a relationship with another man. There's no need to be upset. We're practically like brother and sister," I reply hastily. He looks on at me in horror, "That's really sick considering how you let me touch you last night. You liked it, I know you did. Things would have gone further if Steph hadn't interrupted us." I should have known that this would open up a massive can of ugly worms. I need to find a way out of this mess and fast. "If I could take it back then trust me, I would. But I can't, all I can say is I'm sorry and I hope you'll forgive me. Then we can go back to just being boss and employee," I stammer through the sentence, hoping he will lay this conversation to rest now. "What's going on over here, a star crossed lovers tiff?" William says, approaching us sheepishly. "I'm not her boyfriend, that fake piece of shit in her phone is," Matt grunts as William shakes his head looking perplexed. Rubbing his hands all over his face Matt turns sharply on his heel to join Martin back at the seating area. I feel guilty and remorseful for upsetting him, especially since we have had some major breakthroughs recently in terms of the understanding and communication between us. Now I know that I won't be able to continue working at The Doll's House when we return back home. That said, if everything goes down well with Lee then I might be on a one way ticket out of London to the United States and I'll never have to face or worry about Matt again. "Everything alright, Annabelle?" William asks suddenly, I'd completely forgotten he was still standing here. "Perfectly, how much longer have we got to go before we finish?" I ask giving him a smile. "I think if I told you it would put you off carrying on," he informs me and calls out to the others. "Right campers, have you all managed to empty your bladders and backsides?!"