You Found Me

The Letter

"Well, what do you expect?" My mother shakes her head whilst pouring some ice and water into her glass from the pitcher on our table. My own glass is filled to the brim with a raspberry flavored White Zinfandel, I take my first sip and allow my head to become partially cloudy from the alcohol. I have only just filled her and dad in on the Eamon situation, I dread to think what they're going to say when I tell them about what happened earlier with Matt. "He didn't have to lead her on like that though, did he?" Dad replies, his eyes still scanning the menu. "It was me that initiated the kiss but still...I feel like a fool. Especially since I have just seen this on his Instagram account," I say, holding up my phone for them both to see. "I feel like I have been royally used," I huff, feeling deflated. When I left The Dolls House earlier on this afternoon I innocently scrolled through my social media to find that Eamon has gone official with a farmers daughter called Shrina. An early twenties Asian girl who is still in college. I was so tempted to stalk her social media account and slip a direct message to her, exposing what he got up to with me this morning. The Angel on my shoulder told me to stay quiet for now, one day I might be able to use it to my advantage. "Hey folks, what are we having tonight?" The waiter comes bouncing over to us with his little notepad and pen, waiting to take our orders. "I'll have the sea bass with steamed vegetables and another glass of Peroni, please," dad says, handing over his menu. "The steak with sweet potatoes instead of fries and a side salad. Oh, and no dressing," mum smiles sweetly showing off her perfect white teeth. "The spaghetti bolognese, thanks," I say, promptly switching my phone off. No more Eamon and no more feelings of guilt for this evening. "Well, she looks like a very respectable young lady," mum says mockingly, giving me a I told you so look. "What's that supposed to mean?" I feel the temperature rising on my forehead, if she's looking for an argument then I am in a good mood for one. "I'm just saying that she looks like she could be a good match for him. Someone who is settled, who wants the simple things in life. If she's an animal lover then that shows she must be empathetic," she mumbles, taking a swig of her water. "Everything that I'm not then?" I say through gritted teeth. "Tonight is not the night for this, okay?" Dad interjects, shuffling the tie around his neck nervously. He's never been good at breaking us up during one of our slanging matches, this will definitely be a fight or flight moment for him. "No, I want to hear what mum has to say," I interrupt, crossing my arms and look over at her in disgust. As she purses her lips I can see her cooking and stewing an unsavory response in her brain. "You weren't the best wife to him were you? It's time you were honest with yourself about that, in order to move on and be a better person," She finally answers me, her eyes filled with a certain kind of resentment that I'm used to. "And dad has been the best husband to you, has he?" The words escape my lips before I can even rethink it. She takes a sharp intake of breath as she sits back in her seat, her brain churning with a quick witted response. "Annabelle!" Dad exclaims, disturbing the people at the table next to us. "Stop calling me that. I'm not a fucking cursed doll!" I scream back at him. "Well, you are certainly acting like one!" He fires back at me, his lips quivering. "Would you mind keeping your voice down, please. We're not introducing anger into the room?" The middle aged man from the table next to us pipes up. He has one of those stern corporate looks about him. "How would you like me to introduce my foot into your arse?!" I scream out at him as I watch his wife look on in sheer horror. "I'm very sorry, sir. She's been on the wine all evening," mum quickly intervenes, trying to make light of the situation. "Pipe down will you," I sneer at her. "Annie, keep your voice down. What the hell has gotten into you?" Dad shoots me a fiery look. "You two, that's what's gotten into me. You're not even in love with each other anymore, you spend most of your time apart. No wonder I'm so messed up in the head and my marriage crumpled apart around me," a hideous lump forms in my throat. "You have no idea how our marriage is or what goes on behind closed doors. You've been gone since you were eighteen and now you coming swanning back in thinking that you know everything about us. Keep your mouth shut about things you have no idea about, okay?" Mum says sharply, her eyes are filled with tears too. "Again, look at you brushing it under the carpet. It's very simple, get a fucking divorce!" I say through gritted teeth. "Now, look what you've done. We came out for a nice meal and you have to open up wounds that don't even need to be revisited," dad sighs, his fingers tapping away on the table. "Well, I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointment to you both. I really am. I'm sorry that I'm such a screwup and I couldn't hold onto the one person who has loved me unconditionally my whole life. Sometimes I wish that I was dead, I wish that I had never been born. Especially to you as parents," I sob and flee the table, finally escaping from them.