You Found Me

How Do I Get You Alone?

Why? Is a very easy question to ask but one that is just asking for a series of bullshit answers.

"To Annie, my baby girl.

My heart is in turmoil for this being the way that things have transpired. Your suspicions were right, on the fifth day I had a dizzy spell and stroke like symptoms which meant that I had to be airlifted and taken to a hospital nearby immediately. I am so sorry for letting you down but you must believe how proud I am of you. You have done something so incredibly brave and I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and tell you this face to face. Let's meet properly this time in the National Park just inside the entrance by the gates. I'll meet you there tomorrow afternoon at 6pm right before sunset.

I love you, my queen.

Lee

"What do you you make of that? I received it last night before bed," I ask Steph over our room service breakfast as we eat outside on the patio. The first rays of sunlight have just graced the sky in what is already promising to be another scorching hot day. We've been back with our feet on the ground for nearly two days now. The descend was a lot more quicker, although I'm adamant that it was because I was hellbent on finding Lee and confronting him for everything that has happened between us. Halfway through munching on her poached eggs with sourdough bread, Steph is reading Lee's message with a puzzled expression on her face. "So, are you trying to tell me that he couldn't send you a message from the hospital? What a crock of a shit, I hope you didn't agree to meet him. That guy can suck an ogre's toenail." I open my mouth to say something and immediately close it. She's going to go mental. "Are you out of your fucking mind?! After everything he has put you through, you are just going to jump when he says how high?!" She bellows, her eyes filled with disgust. "I have to, there is no other choice," I argue, staring down at my half eaten breakfast of Weetabix and fruit. My appetite has been non-existent for the past two days, I look like a skeleton. "Bullshit you do. That guy has played you for a fool and now you're going to make yourself look like an even bigger one if you go. That said, say to him that you'll go and don't turn up. Make him look like the mug for once," she replies, her feathers have been truly ruffled by him. Although she has stayed up with me night after night and listened to my tears, she has every reason to hate his guts. "No, this is something I have to do alone. I don't think I will ever forgive him for this but I have to give him the benefit of the doubt," I tell her, my mind already made up. "What does Matt think about all this? Have you even considered him and his feelings?" She asks, her face filled with fury. "He doesn't know and I'm not going to tell him. It's none of his business and he doesn't give a shit anyway," I say, getting up from my seat and stare out into the view. From where we are you can just see the tip of the Kilimanjaro mountain surrounded by the trees. If I had to do it all over again I would, the sense of fulfillment I've felt since outweighs the hurt from the shattered shards of my broken heart. "You're refusing to tell him because you know he will pitch a fit and go down there to pound his ass," she snorts, taking her tropical patterned kaftan off and sliding into the pool. "Matt's not a violent thug and he probably won't be too bothered, anyway. Nothing serious happened, he hasn't even seen my boobs yet," I confirm, watching Steph glide her arms through the water and fighting the urge to dive in and join her. "Yet?!" She remerges from the water, splashing her hands around excitedly. "Never, I meant. Put a Goddamn lid on it!" I run my fingers to the roots of my hair, tugging at them with vexation. "I give it a month before you two hop back into bed together again," she raises her eyebrows cheekily. "Wait, how did you know we shared a bed? Did you bug his tent or something?" I ask, my face must be filled with horror. "No, no but you're not exactly the most subtlest of people. I heard you sneaking away at 4am from his side of the camp. What did you get up to?" Her eyes gleaming, as she hoists herself up against the edge of the pool. She sits on the side, ringing her dripping wet hair out with a towel and inspects her chipped red nails. "Nothing, we just had a...cuddle," I confess innocently. "Woah, just a cuddle. No more handy pandy action?" She cracks up, folding her hair up into a clip. The sun is awfully fierce, beating down on my skin, making me sweat. "We started to and then he just stopped, he wanted to be intimate without being intimate. I think because of Lee he stopped out of respect for him and for himself as well. Who wants to be the side dish to someone's three course meal?" I sigh, remembering how it felt to be in his arms. Safe, secure and soothing. "I wish I were in your shoes," she replies, shaking her head. "You do not wish you were me. You'd hate it and you wouldn't last a day," I answer back agitated. "I wish that I had someone who was crazy about me as Matt is with you and don't pretend that you don't know or haven't seen it. Men like him are rare, you need to grab them while they're still on the shelf," she says, an urgency in her voice. "We work together on a daily basis and we have only just begun to start getting close. Maybe if Lee wasn't in the picture things might be different and right now you'd be rooming with Martin. Do you think you and he might ever...?" I begin to say, trying to divert the conversation from myself as she raises her hand and cuts me off. "He is engaged to be married to a woman called, Catalina. She is a recruiter from Belgium, they met when he was on holiday there and they have a real cute long distance relationship." She smiles fondly as she talks about it. "You've got a real soft spot for him too, huh?" I say, sitting by her and dipping my feet into the coolness of the pool water. "They are both such lovely, lovely guys. And one of them could be yours if you'd give him a chance," she hints, twisting herself back towards the patio and goes inside to dry off. I don't want to admit it in front of her but my expectations for tonight with Lee have plummeted to really low levels. God knows how it's going to go, the smart side of my brain is telling me to prepare for the worst. He's not going to show up.