Pricked

25

     What good am I this way? Huh? Why couldn't you just kill me instead? This isn't the first time I have thought these morbid thoughts. It's a sad thing think that I preferred death to living, but doing nothing all day, every day, for days on end. It makes life seem pointless. As if there is no real point to anyone's life. My parents were both killed and poof, gone forever. When I'm dead or even if I wake up, I will be the only one that remembers them when I'm gone. Everyone else has already moved on with their lives from that morning, but I will never forget the blood that stained my hands. How the deep red stained my blue dress. I will never forget all the warmth that drained out of my face as I watched my mother fade away from me. Her eye lids fluttered to a halt and her lip dripped with blood. A final cough of defeat spurred blood on me and I went cold. How the blood had stuck to my skin and I didn't want to wipe it off. It was all I had left of them. How I kicked and screamed, pushed off anyone that came near me. I never wanted to be touched, to be loved again if I didn't have my parents. I remember walking away from the church and thinking it is such a cruel place. I remember asking God to bring them back, to bring them all back. I remember everyday how he let me down, and how he continues to let me down.

***********

Night drew me into a dream, a memory, my mind replayed the morning over again, always leaving me helpless and alone.

"You can't take this from me, you can't have them, not again!" Almost every night I wake up screaming or shaking. Mitch always runs in and tries to calm me back down.

"A story," he recommends and tries and help me fall back asleep. No matter how many stories or songs, I am always too scared to close my eyes.

"I don't want to see the face that took them from me." I whine.

"It's gonna be okay Harriet,," he says, "I won't let anyone hurt you." He gives me a tight hug and continues the story. I must have drifted off because when I wake, the sun is up and I am back in my cot, and Mitch lays fast asleep in his.

"Morning Harriet," Darius says hesitantly, "you get back to sleep last night?" I give a small tired nod and pick at the eggs he sets in front of me. "I heard you screamin' but I heard Mitch get up to help, and I didn't want to disturb."

"I love Mitch," I state plainly

"I know you do," he says twiddling with his toast, "and he loves you too."

"I love you as well Darius," I add quickly.

"And I, you Harriet." We stay quiet for a long while as Darius eats his food, I stare blankly at mine. Finally the sound of chewing and forks scraping across plates came to a halt when Mitch comes in, all smiles.

"Good morning beautiful people!" He announces and hugs me from behind and gives Darius a hug and peak on the head. Swiveling into his seat, he immediately starts shoveling food in his mouth. "So Harriet, I think it's about time we go hunting."

"Hunting?" I look up to him. He's still chewing so his words sound distant.

"Yes," he says his Adams apple bobbing.

"Hunting for what? I don't hunt," I don't like to leave the house much since the accident and Mitch knows this.

"Hunting for the monster that haunts your dreams." He states this so clearly, as if it was the most logical thing to say and do. "It is such a beautiful day it would be a shame to miss it." I stare at him longer trying to figure out if he is joking but, he doesn't show signs of humor, just honest to goodness trying to help. "Face your demon Harriet. I'm here to help you." Face my demons, he's not thinking clearly, he didn't get enough sleep. "Now come on, eat up! We got a big day planned." He forks down the rest of his food and rushes off to get changed. He's serious, I look to Daruis for help, but he just shrugs and clears his plate. I finish my eggs and get changed as fast as I can. I hear Mitch and his dad talking, but it only sounds of illegible syllables, but I think they are talking of me.