Pricked

41

Harriet

Where am I? Blackness surrounds me, I look around, but I can't tell which way is up and down, I move a step forward, but stumble on myself.

"Hello?" I call out, but my voice only echoes into the nothingness. "Am I dead?" Still nothing, I move to sit down, but a light the size of a pin hole appears and instantly before my brain can think, I start to run towards it. "Hey, I'm here, wait!" I cry out to the light, running as fast as I can, I'm not getting any closer though. Faster I think, I need to run faster before it gets away. "Wait! I'm here! Please!" My words come out breathy and thin and my leg start to burn from the running, I haven't moved in weeks. "Wait please." I continue to beg.

I'm running, but the light still seems just as far away. My legs give out and I collapse to the ground to catch my breath. I press my hands against the ground and I force myself to stand. As I rise the light seems to fade further out of view. "STOP!" I demand my voice booming throughout the darkness and pounce back to my feet. I can't breathe and my body jiggles as I run, this is exhausting and I'm slowing down. The light disappears, but I keep running. "Please come back," I whimper as my run comes to a halt. I'm surrounded by darkness again. I can't even see my hand in front of me.

"Is this what you wanted?" I cry out, falling to the floor. "You pushed me away first!" I look around, but all there is, is darkness now. So I close my eyes and try to imagine a world other then what I lived through. "You did this, if you didn't take them from me..." Words come difficultly as I try and speak words of truth and not just anger, not just pain.

"If you wanted me to die," a pause takes over me and I pull myself to my feet. "If you wanted me dead," I state my hands clenched at my sides, "then you should have killed me, when you took them." I open my eyes still to see nothing, so I close them again. I stand tense and frustrated. "I didn't want to go on another day." I say and open my eyes once more. My knees feel weak, but I use all my strength to stay standing. Do something I think to myself, but I don't know what I should do. I'm stuck in a new situation, but I'm still stuck.

"I lost faith in you and your intensions. You could have done something to reassure me as a loyal follower. But first my parents, then Darius's arm, he will never be the same, then Mitch leaving, me getting stuck there and now here..." My voice drifts off.

"You do not believe that I know what I'm doing?" The voice booms from all directions, I turn and search the darkness. Where are you I silently question, come out, come show me the light.

"I know that you are not supposed to make mistakes..." I start, but his demanding voice overtakes my soft, scared words.

"I knew you would lose hope, I knew that your faith would falter..." I roll my eyes, if he knew, then why does care now? "So your faith would be stronger, this time it would be unwavering." He responds to my unspoken questions.

"Who says I have faith in you now?" The words slip out before I can think to bargain for my life or a final death.

"You wouldn't be talking to me if you didn't believe I existed, if you didn't believe in me."

"I suppose that is true, but that doesn't mean I agree with your ways, your punishment to good people, to hardworking, lord serving people." My eyes search for a sign that I'm not dreaming, but everything remains dark. I take a deep breath and try to relax, but I can't relax when thinking of my parents death, the massacre of my church.

"I know I hurt you," the voice says.

"That's an understatement," I yell and slowly slither back down to the ground.

"The devil, evil, and corruption rules the earth until I come back-"

"Then come back! Then fix all this!" I don't know if I'm talking to God or this is all an auditory hallucination.

"Please, have faith I did what I did for a reason." The voice is soothing, but I let out a grunt of disapproval.

"Fine, lets' say you knew what you were doing by letting the man shoot down over half the church. Now what's your excuse?"

"You needed time to think to reflect on your life and your decisions since the accident."

"Reflect on what?" My voice breaks and I'm terrified of what might happen next. What if I am not done being punished or 'reflecting'.

"You are done reflecting," the voice says, as if reading my mind. "You met someone and changed their life and he too changed yours."

"Who?" I ask, but I know who. Arren, his name barely comes out when I think back to his kiss, then the pain. His face was shocked, horrified and filled with regret.

"Yes," the voice says, "and he has changed your life for the better."

"He woke me up," I state. "But, he also stabbed me..."

"He thought he was doing a mercy."

"I know," I say. "And I'm not mad at him. I love him for what-" My brain breaks down and I can't think past my words. "I love him," I repeat softly. Love him. I stand quickly and try to steady myself, but there is nothing here. "I love him," I state clearly.

"I know," the voice says, not condescending, but knowledgeable. "You found your way to me even if you didn't know it. You prayed and talked with me more then you have in years. Even if you thought you were just talking to yourself." I think back to all the times I yelled at the sky or wished courage or wisdom upon Mitch, Arren and Aurora. "You knew I would be there, you knew deep down that I was in control. That my actions in this world, everything I did and do, have a purpose." I want to ask what purpose killing his followers had, but I stay quiet and listen to his words. "Even if it seems as though nothing good can come out of it, no matter how long you have to wait... These pauses in your life Harriet," I look up and around to see speckled lights, like stars all around me.

"There was a reason not just for you, not just for Arren." I take a few steps to the lights they are so beautiful. He speaks softly as I admire the lights. "Aurora, she needed a lesson in compassion and true friendship. Mitchell needed to move on from you, his feelings were mixed with his emotions and friendship with you. He needed reassurance that he was doing the right thing leaving you. He wanted to know that you would have someone to protect you, look out for you, like he did..." But I wanted Mitch to stay, none of this would have happened if I still had him. But he did need to move on, to start a fresh life, one not centered around my issues and mischief. "He was worried long before you got pricked." I didn't think of it like that. I didn't think that my suffering, that Mitch's pain, that Arren's countless hours of trying to wake me, Aurora's attitude all needed a bit of me to help them grow and become even more amazing. "I think it's about time we get you back on your feet, don't you think Harriet?"

I nod once not knowing that my life had effected so many people, were there more people that could use my help? Was there more I could do in this state of stillness?

"Come on Harriet, I've helped your friends, now it's time for me to help you." I still don't know where the voice is coming from but I know which way to go. I know what I have to do when I wake up.