lemon and mint | Charles Leclerc

30.

April 2015

"Do you have to leave?" Pia asked Charles while they were hanging out at her house. Her mum was at work, and Sebastian was racing as usual. She could've come with him, but she refused. Coming to the paddock was suddenly a problem for her. She attended the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix last year, but she felt really uncomfortable. There was that tiny voice in her head telling her that something would happen.

"Yeah, Pia, I really have to leave." Charles was annoyed with this question. He loved Pia more than anything, but he was doing it to accomplish his dreams. So, of course, he had to go.

"I know, I just wish-" Pia started the sentence, but Charles disturbed her before she could finish it.

"What do you wish for? For me not accomplishing my dreams? For me to stay stuck where I am?" The question left his lips without thinking about it. He didn't take into account that it could hurt Pia.

"Of course not. What are you talking about?" Pia exclaimed. In her opinion, this was a load of bullshit because she wanted Charles to succeed more than anything, but she was just afraid that she would lose him.

Ever since Jules's crash happened, their relationship changed a lot. Charles was throwing his emotions all around, and Pia, on the other hand, kept everything inside. She didn't bottle up just her sad feelings, but all emotions. Charles couldn't remember when was the last time Pia would tell him that she loved him. He couldn't remember when was the last time she came to visit him in Monaco. He felt like she was suddenly so far away.

"Well, it seems like you're against it." He said harshly. He was tired of having to talk about this almost every time he was leaving for some race.

"I'm not. Do you really think I'm like this? Trying to stop you from achieving your goals?" Did really Charles think about her like that? Did he really believe that Pia doesn't want him to make his dreams come true?

"Then why are you asking me if I really have to go when you know I have to. It's part of it," he tried to stay calm about this. They always talk things out. They didn't really have a horrible argument ever before, so both of them tried to avoid that.

"I know it's a part of it. I'm just worried about you," Pia sighed. She didn't understand why Charles didn't get that.

"You're worried about me? Look at you. I haven't even seen you crying or just being sad because of Jules. Do you even care about him?" He yelled at her. Desperation combined with anger and frustration were hearable in his words.

"For real? Are you really asking me that?" It was such a disappointment to hear that from her lover.

"I am because, at this point, I don't know what I should think about it. You're not sad. You're not crying. You're not mad," he complained. "You're not doing anything," he added the last sentence in a sad and quiet tone.

"You're not living with me. You're always away. You don't know even a quarter of my emotions," the young Italian reacted quickly. Charles didn't know about all those nights that Pia spent restless, thinking about Japanese GP. He didn't know about all those tears, and he didn't know about all those scars she was hiding behind bracelets or clothes.

"Because you're hiding them!" He shouted at her. "How can I be with someone who doesn't express their emotions?" He asked her angrily. He was so desperate to see at least one emotion in her eyes.

"What do you want from me? Should I start crying and kicking into things like you? Is that what you want?" Perhaps it was what they needed - fight it out. Everyone was doing that from time to time. Even Gianna and Sebastian had days when an argument was needed.

"Sorry for having emotions then. You're behaving just like two years ago. Bottling up all your emotions. Hiding everything from me." At this point, he was just mocking her. "Tell me. Are you using again?"

"What are you talking about? I wasn't taking drugs. Ever," she threw her hands into the air. She could believe Charles would think this about her. She understood that she was in trouble a few years back, but she would never touch drugs.

"Oh, wow, so now you're lying to me?" Why couldn't she just stop lying to him at least once? What was so hard about admitting that she did take something?

"No, I'm not," Pia tried to defend herself.

"Do you remember that night in Monaco when you called me crying, and I told you to come to my house? I needed to help you to undress, and I found two pills in your pocket. It was ecstasy, so don't lie to me." His tone suggested that this was a hurtful topic even for him. Pia could hear his disappointment seeping through his voice, and it wasn't pleasant. She never really wanted to disappoint him.

"I didn't take those pills back then, and I'm not taking them now," she tried to calmly explain to him. If she had known he had known about it all along, she would have explained it to him sooner.

"So why did you have them?" He was demanding the answer because he was sure that Pia had taken them.

"I was at a party before I called you that day. One boy gave them to me," at this point, she didn't know how to explain to him that she hadn't taken them.

"Oh, of course." He laughed about it mockingly. "If you didn't want it, you would've refused it," he said it as if it was a fact that pissed Pia. Did he even trust her?

"I'm done having this conversation. When you don't trust me, then okay," Pia said while getting up from her armchair then walking towards the window.

"So, now it's a trust thing?"

"Maybe it's when you don't trust me," she shouted at him, while looking out of the window to the garden. She wasn't able to look at Charles while fighting with him.

"How can I trust you when you're always hiding something?" He asked her, and she could hear that he got up from the sofa.

"Because I know you would freak out if you knew the truth about everything." Pia was so close to snapping at him.

"Truth about what?" Charles questioned her mockingly.

"It doesn't matter," she growled. Pia just rolled her eyes. It could've been a normal conversation, but Charles just had to bring something up.

"No, it does. You have started it, so finish it," Charles continued pressuring his lover.

"Charles, I'm telling you that it doesn't matter," she repeated again. She was done with having this conversation.

"Can you fucking tell me?" He boomed at her.

"About my father, about Jules's seat, about his condition," she snapped at him. She regretted saying those words immediately after they left her mouth, but now it was too late to take them back.

"What are you saying?" Pia wasn't brave enough to turn around and look at him in the eyes. She could just head how his tone of voice changed. He was no longer mad. He was about to cry. "Jules didn't get his seat because of his talent, right? You asked someone to pull a few strings in his favour." The realisation hit him. Of course, she was lying about it. "And his condition. What do you know, and you're not telling me?"

"Nothing, Charles," she quietly said as she brushed the scabs underneath her bracelet with her thumb. "He is fighting, but I'm not sure he will win this fight," she openly admitted for the first time.

"Of course, he will win this fight! He's a fighter, and he's strong. He will walk out of that hospital soon." Pia couldn't blame him for believing in this. He was so full of her lies about Jules getting better. He was full of that hope Pia created within him.

"Yeah, you're right, Charles. As always," Pia said while walking away from Charles. She needed some time alone, and Charles didn't try to stop her. This argument was another big crack in their relationship.