lemon and mint | Charles Leclerc

31.

July 2015

Warning: drug abuse

It was late evening when Pia's phone started to vibrate once again. She looked annoyedly at the name of the caller. She groaned when she saw the ID - Mio amore, the phone stated. Of course, Charles was calling her. For the tenth time this day. How many times would she have to refuse his calls for him to understand that she was not interested in talking to him? She just quickly rejected the call while staring at her lock screen wallpaper. It was a photo of her and Charles from Sicily.

She had taken this photo last summer. Everything was okay back then. They were full of life, enjoying every moment. Pia was a little bit surprised when Charles said that he would like to go to Sicily, but she wasn't against it. Sicily was a place like no other.

She was taking some selfies while Charles came into her frame. A light breeze was playing with their hair. Charles's deep brown hair was thanks to that messier than usual, and the only thing that gave direction to it were his sunglasses. Hers, on the other hand, were lying on her nose. A white scarf was slightly waving in the wind and holding her hair out of her face. At first glance, they looked like a quintessential Italian couple. She just wanted to take a picture of them like that, but then Charles said one of his silly jokes to make her laugh. She pressed the shutter as she laughed off. So, there they were, Pia, laughing with sparks of happiness in her eyes and Charles just simply grinning because he managed to make his lover laugh.

"Where did we go wrong?" Pia asked herself, but she got the answer immediately. That tiny voice in her head was telling her that if she was honest with him, they would be still together. It was all her fault that Charles didn't trust her. She wouldn't trust herself if she had a choice. She couldn't blame him.

"P? Do you want some or what?" One of the boys called at her. She wasn't at the party to think about her problems. She just nodded before making her way to the table. She saw this only in movies so far. The white powder in lines was lying on the table. Guy next to her offered her a €20 banknote rolled up into a small roll. Pia took it from him without thinking about it.

She placed the roll to the behind of that white line. She needed to forget. She needed to numb the pain at least for one night. She needed to shut that voice in her head telling her that this whole was her fault. She put the roll into one of her nostrils before she pressed her thumb against the nose on another side to make sure she would be inhaling just by the one nostril. She waited for a brief moment. There was still a chance to walk away from this, but she wanted to shut her mind, so she deeply inhaled while moving with the rolled banknote in a straight line.

The first 15 minutes were alright. Pia didn't feel anything, so she even started to doubt that it would affect her at all. But after 15, she could feel that her heart was beating faster. She was happier, wide awake, confident, on top of her game.

Half-past hour after she snorted her first line, she could feel it was stopping to have an effect. So, she went to the group of boys asking what would take her on a longer trip. LSD was their answer. They offered her a little piece of paper that had a pink elephant on it. She thought it wouldn't be enough, but one of the boys reassured her it was more than enough.

Perhaps Charles was right about her being a junkie. She enjoyed these emotions of being high. She was energised, giggly and excited without her inner doubts.

Another hour passed, and Pia hadn't remembered much since then. She remembered wanting to walk away. She remembered the face of one of those boys. He was leaning towards her, and he smelled so good. Pia looked into his eyes - they were blue. Not as pretty as Charles's. He was about to kiss her, but then Pia suddenly cringed. He wasn't Charles.

Then there was again a window without memories, and suddenly out of nowhere, she was sitting on a train. She didn't know where she was going, but she didn't mind. She would figure it out in the morning. Then she looked out of the window, and she realised it was already morning, so she just giggled.

The voice of the lady announcing the next station was speaking in flawless French. The lady gripped Pia's attention when she said: Next stop: Nice-Ville. Of course, now she remembered, she wanted to go see Jules.

It took her some time to get to the doors of the train, but once she finally managed it and got out of the train, a fresh breeze of air hit her. She felt like she sobered up at least a tiny bit.

"Good morning, Jacqueline," Pia greeted the nurse in Jules's hospital. Lately, she was there so often that Jacqueline offered to Pia to call her by her name.

"Morning, Pia. You're here really early today," she pointed out. It was the first time Pia was there at seven in the morning. Jacqueline looked at Pia worriedly when she saw in what condition she was in.

"Yeah, I had a tough night," Pia said. It was an answer to every question that Jacqueline had.

"Hopefully, you won't have more tough nights," Jacqueline commented with a worried expression on her face. She didn't know much about Pia, but just the fact that one of her friends was lying in a hospital in that condition was telling her that she probably didn't have the happiest life.

"I will try," Pia said while passing her in order to get to Jules's room. She didn't want to talk about her struggles with someone she didn't know.

"Hi, Julio. How are you today?" Pia asked him even though she knew she wouldn't receive an answer.

"I know you're mad at me," she stated. She could see Jules's disappointed face right in front of her face. He would give her a lesson for lying to her parents that she was with Charles. He would yell at her for taking drugs. He would be just so disappointed.

"I am sorry, okay? I know I've promised you to watch over Daniel and Charles, and now I'm failing hard. I'm really sorry, Jules," she cried out. How could she fail him so much? He was relying on her, and she failed him.

"I need you to forgive me, please." Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I cannot take it anymore." A loud sob left her mouth. She was in pain. Not physically, but mentally.

"If there's heaven up there, you will slap me so hard. I'm sure of that," she laughed sadly.

"Jesus, I'm still fucking dizzy," she said when she turned with her head too quickly. Everything went blurry for a moment. She had to close her eyes to get back to normal.

"I know, I'm weak," she admitted while staring at the floor. She couldn't even look at him.

"I'm begging for your forgiveness. I'm begging for the forgiveness of all people in my life. I know they won't forgive me, but you... you always understood me. You know what I'm going through, Ju," Pia let her emotions go away. She was just crying by his side. She let all that sorrow, desperation and dreadfulness go away.

"Goodbye, Jules. It was my pleasure to meet you and have you in my life," she said while she went to the door. This time she said it without thinking about it too much. She knew she could say goodbye because even if Jules woke up, she wouldn't be there. She was saying goodbye to him, but not because it was him who was leaving, but it was her.