lemon and mint | Charles Leclerc

29.

February 2015

"Good afternoon. I'm here to visit Jules Bianchi. He should be in room 304," Pia confidently said when she approached the nurse in the hospital in Nice.

"Good afternoon. Are you a family member?" the nurse asked without even looking at the young Italian in front of her.

"No, I'm his friend." Thanks to this sentence, she grabbed the attention of the nurse. Pia saw how she was measuring her with her glance.

"Well, in that case, I'm afraid I can't let you see him," she said with a sad smile on her face.

"Look, I know it's against the rules, but look," Pia said while grabbing her phone out of the pocket of her jeans. She quickly unlocked it and opened the gallery app. "See, this is us in Sarno. This is us in Germany. Another one from Monaco," Pia said and swiped to another photo. Her breath stuck in her throat. "This is us in Japan," she said quietly. "Please, I need to see him. Let me see him at least for five minutes," Pia begged the nurse desperately.

"I really shouldn't do that," the nurse said concernedly. She was having an inner battle with herself. On one side, she wanted to let Pia see Mr Bianchi, but on the other side, she didn't want to break the rules.

"I know, but I beg you. It may be my last chance to see him," she blurted out. Thanks to Joanna, she knew that Jules's time was running out. She knew she wouldn't see him walk out of this hospital. That seemed to be enough for the nurse.

"I'll let you see him. Follow me," she said to Pia before she started to walk towards Jules's room.

"Thank you. It means a lot to me," Pia was really grateful to her.

They entered the room, and Pia was taken aback. She saw Jules for the first time since October. She expected that he would look pale, without life, but he looked just as if he was peacefully sleeping. He looked as if he should wake up every second, and that broke her heart even more.

"Take your time, darling," she said before she closed the door, signalising to Pia that she could be there as long as she wanted. She took a few steps to Jules's bed. She knew she was supposed to sit on a chair next to it, but she decided to sit on the edge of the bed. She wanted to see directly into Jules's face.

"Hi," she let out, and her eyes filled with tears. She tilted her head back to make them stop coming. She was looking staringly at the ceiling. "I haven't seen you in a while." Her face bore a sad smile at this point.

"I know you won't answer me, but sometimes," she needed to breathe out deeply in order to control her tears. "Sometimes, I wonder what happened that day. I know it wouldn't change anything, but I would like to know," she sighed.

"FIA is lowkey saying it was your fault. Charles, Daniel and Joanna, on the other hand, are sure it wasn't your mistake." That was a thing that messed with her head a lot recently. But she always said to herself that it didn't matter in the end. Charles spent multiple days looking at the data that Joanna sent to Pia. Pia tried to explain to him that knowing it wouldn't change anything, but he wasn't listening to her.

"I don't know what to think anymore. I'm just saying to them what they want to hear from me." Her voice was trembling. She finally said what had been bothering her for the last few months. "I'm saying to Charles and Daniel that you will be fine, that you'll make it. I have repeated it so many times that even I would believe it." Ever since Jules's crash, her life was just one big act. She was pretending everywhere because she didn't want to worry anyone.

"Daniel is also pretending. He's trying to appear as if he's alright. But I know that he's sick worried about you, and he just can't show it. He has to continue in his life, in racing." He wasn't allowed to break down. He had to appear as if he was okay. "Sometimes, I wonder if he can see through my facade too," Pia asked that question a million times to herself, but she doubted that Daniel could see her act. Pia knew that if he saw how she was really doing, he would want to help her.

"Charles, on the other hand, is not pretending at all. I think, sometimes he's the only one who lets his emotions out. When he wants to cry, he cries. When he wants to be angry, he's angry," she explained to the Frenchman. His brown curls were falling into his face. There was stubble on his face that made him look older than he actually was. Pia dared to lift her hand and bring her near to Jules's face. She rested her palm on his chin. She brushed her thumb lightly over his cheek as if he was a little boy.

"I'm taking care of him. I promise," Pia smiled at him. "I also want to take care of Daniel, but he won't let me." It almost sounded like an apology. "You picked a pretty stubborn guy, you know?" she chuckled lightly. "I know you know. You love him for it. There wasn't a thing on him that you wouldn't love. Sometimes, I think you're a fool, my dear friend, because Daniel is one of the most annoying humans ever." She knew that if Jules was awake, he would look at her angrily right now. He hated that anyone talked badly about Daniel, even if it was just a joke.

Then the silence filled the room. Pia got lost in her memories. She thought about that weekend she spent with Jules and Daniel in Monaco. Wandering through the narrow streets, laughing out loud, eating lunch in an expensive restaurant, talking about nonsenses before heading back to their apartment.

"I won't lie to you, Jules. It doesn't look good," she let out, and her eyes began to be once again watery. "I was thinking a lot when I was going here. Should I say goodbye to you or should I not?" she asked that question out loud for the first time. "I don't want to because that would mean I'm really letting you go, but on the other hand, I'm afraid that if I don't say it now, I won't get another opportunity." The reality was cruel, but she had to accept it.

"But you know what. Fuck it. I won't say goodbye because you will be alive next time I see you. You will be alive," she started to cry. She wanted this to be the truth. She wanted to believe it, but she couldn't. That was the moment she could burst into tears. She was allowed to let her emotions go at least once when nobody could see her or hear her.

Pia stopped crying when she heard footsteps emerging to Jules's room. She thought it would be the nurse, so she quickly started to wipe her tears away. She was surprised when she saw Daniel and not the nurse.

"Pia?" Daniel was clearly shocked to see Pia here. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to visit Jules," she said as if she was doing it on a daily basis.

"Alone?" he asked suspiciously.

"My parents don't know that I'm here," she explained. "I said I'm going to see Charles." There was no point in lying, and furthermore, she knew that Daniel would understand her.

"I understand. Do you know what? Let's just get you home," he said while wrapping one arm around her shoulder. Pia thought if Daniel noticed that she was crying, but then she told herself that it didn't matter anyway.