lemon and mint | Charles Leclerc

32.

July 2015

Warning: mentions of suicide, drug abuse, do not read if you have a good day

Pia found herself in a place where she hadn't been for a long time. The church was always a welcoming place to her. She remembered those Sunday mornings when her mum would tell her to dress up because they were going to church.

Anthonie wasn't really happy about it since he wasn't religious. He didn't understand why Gianna would teach their daughter this, but he let it pass. Why would he care if she was religious or not? It didn't matter.

Pia couldn't really say that she was religious. She did pray a lot, but she struggled to believe there was a heaven or hell, even though hell was maybe the life on the earth. But Pia believed in the goodness of people. She believed people should confess their sins and also that they should thank for all those gifts from God.

Her steps were echoing through the whole church. It almost seemed like she was there alone, but she knew that Father was in the confessional.

It took her a while to step into the confessional. She knew she was about to confess to a lot of sins.

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen," Pia said. She didn't make a confession for a long time, but she could never forget these words. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It is two months since my last confession," she admitted, and her cheeks got redder because she was so ashamed. She started going through her long list of sins, naming one after another. There was a lot to confess.

"I am sorry for my sins with all my heart - in choosing to do wrong and failing to do good. Please forgive me for my sins and let others forgive me too. Amen," Pia prayed before leaving the church. She didn't dare to look at the confessional because she knew the priest was watching her. He knew what Pia was about to do, but he couldn't do anything about it. He tried to talk her out of it, but it seemed she had already made up her mind. Still repeating the same phrases: I am not worthy of this life, I do not want to be a burden to others, I am not worthy of their help.

Perhaps the thing that shocked the priest the most was her acceptance. It was like she had already accepted that this was her last day in this world.

---

"Should I even bother with asking you where you were?" Seb asked Pia when she finally arrived home. She left the house early in the morning without saying anyone where she went.

"In the church," Pia spoke the truth. She was lying to her parents more than enough during those few last days, so why not tell the truth for once. Why not tell truth for the last time?

"Don't you think you will get out of your trouble just because we are leaving for the Grand Prix," Sebastian said. He was still mad at her that she had been at Charles's place till Tuesday and not till Monday as she promised.

"Of course," she let out of her mouth without caring about it at all. She treated the whole situation with such arrogance Sebastian couldn't believe it. He just shook his head. This conversation was pointless.

"Whatever. We will talk about it once we're back," he warned Pia. "Anyways, we are leaving. Your mom wants to stop for lunch on the way," Seb explained why they were leaving so early. But if Pia remembered correctly, they were flying with Joanna, so in the end, it wouldn't matter if they were late.

"Okay. Enjoy your weekend," Pia wished them while walking up the stairs. "I love you both," she just shouted when she was already upstairs. Pia fought with the urge to hug them both tightly because she knew this was the last time, she saw them. She fought the urge to hide in Sebastian's arms and fight it all together. She fought the urge to ask them for help, but she didn't ask. They were so close, but yet so far away.

Sebastian just put his and Gia's luggage into the boot while thinking how much he would want his family to attend his home Grand Prix. Of course, he knew that the boys couldn't be in the paddock since they were really young, so they left them at Gia's parents, but he wished Pia would come with them. He understood it was challenging for her, but he also knew how much love she had for that sport. She couldn't let one horrific moment ruin her passion. He wanted her to rediscover that passion because that was what Jules would wish for.

While this was happening, Pia was in her room. She held the lighter close to the spoon, causing the powder in the spoon to melt. It didn't take as much time as she was expecting. She put the lighter away and took the syringe in exchange. She put the needle into the liquid she created in the spoon, and then she just drew all the liquid into the syringe. Now, she had to do the last step - find her vein, insert the needle, and let the ridiculous amount of heroin enter her body. After that, there wasn't much time left.

"Ready to go?" Gia asked him when he got into the car. He just sighed. Gianna placed her hand on his, signalising that he should get Pia to go with them. "I know how much you want her there. Just talk to her," she squeezed his hand in support. He listened to his girlfriend and got out of the car, making his way back to the house.

"Pia?" Seb shouted into the house when he opened the door. He thought Pia would immediately come, but she wasn't. Something was off. "I swear to God if you ran away again, then God protect you," he mumbled for himself once he made his way upstairs.

He opened the door to Pia's room, and he found out that she was peacefully lying in her bed. He thought she was sleeping, but then he came closer. Her breath was really shallow, her skin was very pale, and he even noticed a blue tint to her lips. Sebastian looked around in a panic. He noticed a spoon and a lighter next to it, lying on Pia's desk, and then he saw the syringe lying just a few centimetres away from Pia. It didn't take him a long time to realise what had happened.

He didn't know what to do first. He just quickly grabbed his phone and dialled 118. He was mixing Italian words for German ones since he was panicking. The lady on the other side of the phone told him to calm down, but all Sebastian wanted to tell her was, "My daughter is fucking dying here. Of course, I won't be fucking calm." but he was just silent.

"Bear with me, sweetheart, please," Sebastian said to Pia once he was checking her pulse. Warm tears were streaming down his face. He was just so sick worried about his daughter.

"Just wait a little bit more, Twinkle, please. You cannot leave us," he was repeating his words gently while he was still checking her breath. Every little breath seemed like a victory now. Every shallow breath she took meant to him more than anything else.

"Why would you do that? We love you so much. We love you so much. We love you more than anything," he whispered into her hair, and then he noticed her arms. Her wrists were covered with scars and scabs. That made him cry even more. It had to be going on already for some time, so how come they didn't notice? How didn't he see how much his daughter struggled? Was he such a bad dad just like Anthonie? Perhaps he was even worse since he didn't notice.

He wondered when it all started. Was it after Jules's crash? God, that would be so long. Was it after her first visit to Jules? Maybe it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered for him now was if Pia would be alright or not.

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A/N I know. Y'all hate me and you have every right to do so.