Lost and Found

Chapter 10 | It's Too Much

 Julia leans her head back against the headrest as Cecil drives back home. Julia stares at the people walking down the sidewalk. Cecil presses her lips together. She hasn't uttered a single word, and Julia is enjoying the peace.

"So, you're friends with the Coterie clique now?" Cecil asks.

"The what?" The coterie clique. Coterie means clique; doesn't that make it a pleonasm? The words mean the same thing.

"Don't play stupid. Mason and his friends?"

Julia rolls her eyes. Yes, she's incredibly stupid for not knowing the nickname of groups on her second day. "Aren't you friends with Ash?" Cecil and Ash sat together in class on the first day.

Cecil flicks her hair as her lips form a thin line, giving Julia the silent treatment again. She guesses the conversation is over.

Julia has trouble keeping her eyes open. Today was more exhausting than she thought it would be. The car stops, and her head bounces off the window. She drags herself out of the car and trudges inside. Lucky for her, no one is home yet.

With heavy feet, she walks upstairs to the attic. Her suitcases lay open, and her clothes are spread around the room. She should probably clean up sometime soon. Throwing her backpack aside, she flops down on the bed. Her eyes close, and before she knows it, she drifts off to sleep.

A door shuts with a bang, startling Julia awake. Her phone pings.

     Unknown number: There's a nice trail close by the school we could take tomorrow, Ash.

Ash? How did he get her number? Hmm, tomorrow after school? She doesn't even have the energy to do her homework today. Why can't things be normal?

Domme vermoeidheid!

She wants to hike tomorrow and have the energy to do her homework and make friends. Meet them at the cinema and go shopping. But no, once again, she has to make responsible choices. It never ends well when she doesn't make the right choice. This isn't fair, and there's nothing she can do about it.

Her hands tremble as she opens her journal on her phone. A sharp breath leaves her lips.

Summer, September
Friends: Who knows anymore?

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Things were going to be different. I got better. Where's my energy? The things they promised? This isn't fair. I'm not supposed to be exhausted anymore? I can't go back to sleeping all day, and I don't want to be alone again. I'm making friends. People like me. I just want to go to school like everyone else. Have friends like everyone else. Have a life. I'm trying so hard. Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong?

Tears stream down her face. Throwing her phone aside, she buries her face in her pillow. "Argh!"

The door creaks open. "Julia? What's wrong?" The mattress sinks in a little as her mother sits down next to her. "Did something happen at school?"

Her mother will not get it. She wasn't there when she couldn't do anything. When she broke down and stopped existing for months. How can anyone get how she feels when they didn't go through it? "I'm tired." The pillow muffles her voice.

"It's okay. There are a lot of new impressions, new people."

Taking a deep breath, Julia looks up from her pillow. "How can you say it's okay? You don't know if it's okay. Everything could be wrong."

Her mother avoids Julia's eyes as she looks for words. "If things won't improve, we can always look for other solutions."

"What other solutions? There's nothing out there when you're too tired to do anything. No one can help me."

Helpless, her mother looks down at her hands. "We can always find a way. As long as we keep hope."

Julia can see her mother's eyes tear up. She presses her lips together to prevent her from saying more of the wrong things. Crossing her arm, Julia blinks her tears away. "I'm just tired."

Her mother nods. She strokes a strand of Julia's hair out of her face, her hand warm on her skin. "I'll make you some tea," she says, getting up from the bed and leaving her alone.

A desolating feeling creeps up, and her lip starts to quiver. As she lies on her back, she stares at the ceiling. Her phone pings again. Why can't people leave her alone to her misery? Julia grasps around for her phone.

     Matt: How was your first day of real high school ;)

A small smile breaks through her tears. With the back of her hand, she wipes the tears away.

     Julia: Exhausting. At least I'm making progress making friends.

     Matt: Who cares about Pleasant Hill's peeps? You already got the best two.

     Matt: Tell me if they're mean to you. I'll kick their asses.

     Julia: Haha, thanks. I'll be fine.

Wait a minute. Matt is a basketball player too. Maybe he knows them.

     Julia: Do you know any basketball players from my school?

     Matt: Bunch of overachievers who think they're the best, but we all know my team is better.

     Matt: Jokes aside. Some are okay, but watch out and take care of yourself. Don't get caught in the crossfire of their drama.

     Julia: Noted.

    Julia: Say hi to Olivia from me.

She turns on her side when her mother comes in with two cups of tea and cake with sprinkles. Julia perks up. "Cake with sprinkles?"

Her mother smiles as the memories come back to her. "It used to be the only thing to cheer you up when you were down."

Julia remembers the times when she wanted to play outside with Cecil. Even back then, Cecil wasn't much of an outdoor person. She called Julia weird and crazy for wanting to play in the rain. Her mother came to her and made her cake with sprinkles and tea, which in Julia's eyes was some special drink for adults. They sat on the porch in the garden, listening to the tapping of the rain. The sprinkles made her feel like she was eating fairy food, only meant for princesses and magical creatures. Which, in her mind, the forest was full of.

"Thank you," she says as she wipes a tear away.

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Translation:
Domme vermoeidheid = stupid fatique

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Don't underestimate how lonely someone can feel, even when friends and family are around.

A short chapter, but I promise the next one will be longer.

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