Lost and Found

Chapter 35 | Standing still to move on

Julia walks through the school's hallway, clutching Mason's hand as she looks down at the floor. She doesn't want to face the other students. To see the stares and whispers. They stop at Mason's locker. He stuffs some books away as he keeps holding her hand. Julia fights the urge to lean against him.

"Julia!" Robin pushes past two girls and hugs Julia. "It's good to see you."

Hanging on to Mason's hand, she hugs Robin back. "I'm glad to see you too."

"How are your spoons?" Robin asks.

Mason raises his brows. "Spoons?" Robin rolls her eyes at him.

"Non-existent," Julia answers, chewing the inside of her cheek.

"Shouldn't you be at home, then?" Worry crosses Robin's eyes. A familiar look people have when Julia is around.

"No, I need to try. I want to try," Julia says, and Mason squeezes her hand. She needs a trial run to see what she can and can't do before she makes the hard choices.

Robin's eyes move from Julia to Mason's and Julia's hands to Mason. "This is new."

Mason grins and kisses the top of Julia's head. A blush spreads along Julia's cheeks. She checks the hallway, but no one is paying attention to them. Weird, she thought she could feel the other students staring.

"Congrats, I guess," Robin says. Julia leans against Mason's arm. What would she do without him?

The bell rings, and Julia's heart skips a beat. Mason pulls on her hand, but Julia stands in her place like a statue. Her blood turns icy cold. Her class will start soon, making her school day official. People will stare; they may know what happened and gossip.

There are no spoons.

She should've listened to her mother and taken a week off, but she didn't. And now she's too exhausted to move. Her body hurts, her mind hurts, everything hurts. Again! This won't stop anytime soon, will it?

Tears sting in Julia's eyes. "I can't." Her hand trembled. It's all too much at the same time. There's no room to breathe.

Mason wipes the tears from her face. "Okay, I'll bring you home."

"I'll come too," Robin chimes in, rubbing Julia's arm.

Julia shakes her head. "You both have school." They can't miss their classes because of Julia's own problems. Julia's eyes shoot through the hallway. Students spread out to their classes as they stand still. Mason and Robin are going to be late for class.

"You're more important," Robin says.

Julia gives her friend a weak smile. Robin has no idea how much that means to her, but Julia can't be a burden to everyone in her life. That's why she has to work on herself.

The hallway is almost empty now, and Julia is stuck. She can't go to class. Her body won't let her. It's like a block in her brain preventing her from going. Even the thought of sitting in class makes her heart pound in her chest and her palms sweat. But what if she goes home? Is it another failure or proof?

Julia's trembling hand brushes through her curls. Her breath quickens. "I don't know what to do?" Why is she crying in school again? She knows why–

"Julia, can you find me something blue?" Robin squeezes her arms.

"What?" Julia doesn't understand. Wait, is this another panic attack? She can't go through one again.

"It will help," Robin assures her.

Is this like the three things? Julia can't focus. Black dots dance before her eyes.

"Name something blue," Robin says, squeezing Julia's arm.