Lost and Found

Chapter 12 | Spoons

Her muscles hurt, her mind hurts, everything hurts. A warm shower might help Julia, but taking a shower means she has to walk up the stairs, turn it on, undress, take the shower, towel off, and then put some clothes back on. She could sleep for a week and still feel tired. At least she's almost at her Aunt and Uncle's house.

Trudging through the door, Julia comes home from a long day. Her mother sits on the couch with a laptop in her lap. Not thinking much about what she's doing, Julia flops down next to her. She leans against her as she used to do with her stepmom. Her mother raises her eyebrows, and the corner of her mouth lifts almost unnoticeable.

"How was school?"

"Confusing." Julia glances at the screen of the laptop.

"If you need help with specific topics about the US, I could help you."

Julia shakes her head. The material isn't the problem, it's the boys, the fatigue, and other things. Chewing the inside of her cheek, she contemplates telling her mother. It isn't terrible living with her mother. She's actually kind of nice. Her mother even smells like the mom she knew when she was little. Is that weird to think?

"There's a party tonight."

"Oh, sounds fun. Do you want to go?"

She sits up straight and meets her mother's eyes. "It's a school night."

"Right." her mother smiles. "But if you want to go with your friends."

Her friends. She doesn't even know if they're her friends. "But I can't. It's not right for my schedule, and I'm already tired." Julia stands up. Her mother's face falls as Julia's heart sinks. "Dad sent you my psychologist stuff, right?" She went through a specialised program helping her plan out her energy levels. Dad was supposed to send the stuff to her mother, so she would know and could bear it in mind.

"I know. Your father did. I'm only trying to say if you're able, you have my permission to go." Her mother puts her laptop next to her on the couch as she stands up. "Julia," her mother says, reaching for her. Avoiding her mother's touch, she hugs herself as she fights the tears stinging in her eyes. "If you want to take a day off tomorrow from school, I understand. There are a lot of new things going on right now. A lot of changes."

"You don't believe I can last a week?" Julia's hands tremble. "I just want to be normal. Go to stupid parties, make friends, and not worry about what I can or can't do because it will screw up my energy for the next few days." Wiping away her tears, she steps backwards. "I'm going to do some homework in my room." Which isn't even her room but her aunt and uncle's attic. Thankfully, her mother doesn't follow her as Julia rushes up the stairs.

***

The next day at school, Julia avoids everyone. The pictures of the party keep popping up on her social media. Loneliness glooms over her.

During lunch break, she hides between the bookcases in the library. Crossed-Legged, she sits on the ground eating the banana pancakes her mother made this morning. She can't shake the sadness in her mother's eyes from her memory. It's not like Julia disappoints her on purpose.

"Hi. Can I sit?" Robin stands in front of her in a green floral dress.

Julia picks at the rim of her shirt. Busted. She didn't expect anyone to find her sitting alone on the ground. Nodding her head, she moves aside the books lying open around her.

"Are you okay?" Robin sits next to her, leaning against the wall.

Julia bites her lower lip. "Do you know the spoon theory thing?" Robin shakes her head. "It's this thing where spoons represent the amount of energy you have on a day, and with every task, you lose one or more. Most people don't run out of spoons unless they have a very eventful day."