Julia rushes inside her aunt and uncle's house. To her luck, no one is home. The bedroom door closes behind her, and she falls to the ground. She lets out a deep breath, followed by another and another. Her head gets light as the room starts to spin.
She lies on the cold floor. The silent tears turn into uncontrollable sobs. The wave of emotions overwhelms her, sucking her down. Her heart stings and her mind fills with nothing but pain. She sits up, rubbing her arms, neck, and face, rocking back and forward.
"Please let it stop. Please let it stop." The tears stream down her face until there's nothing left. The redness of her eyes matches the redness on her face. She crawls onto her bed and lays there.
A soft knock comes from the door. Julia turns her back to the door, hiding her face from unwanted questions.
"Hi, sweetheart. How was it with Ash?"
She bites her lips until she tastes blood. "Good."
"Are you okay?" The concern of her mother leaks through her voice.
"Yeah. I'm just exhausted."
"Okay. Do you still want to watch a movie together?"
Oh, no, the movie. Julia was excited to watch this new rom-com with her mother, but now everything is ruined. "I'm sorry. I'm too tired."
"That's alright. We can do it some other time."
"Maybe tomorrow?" Although she feels sick, she doesn't want to hurt her mother's feelings. Her mother tries her best, and so should she.
"Okay. Tomorrow," her mother says. "We'll have dinner in a few minutes." Her mother closes the door again. New tears form in Julia's eyes.
Before Julia goes downstairs, she washes her face, but it doesn't help. Her face is still red and puffy. So instead, she decides to fake it through the entire diner, acting like nothing is wrong, and it must be the exhaustion.
Her throat tightens. Julis can hardly swallow her food. Cecil keeps talking about how she and her friends got invited to this party tonight. It takes Julia a few seconds to realise it's Ash's party. The party she couldn't go to because of her plans with her mother. Which pissed off Ash, and now she won't have either.
"Excuse me. I'm not feeling so well," Julia says as she stands up from the table. "I'm going to bed."
Julia drags herself back upstairs. Every step becomes heavier and heavier. Laying flat on her back on her bed, she stares at the ceiling. New tears stain her face. Her mind hurts, her body hurts, everything hurts.
Why? Why does this keep happening? Julia sits back up, her legs pulled up against her chest. She needs to stop her mind from depressing herself. Come on, domoor. Reality check.
Ash does like her. Even if he doesn't right now. Right?
Mason is wrong about everything. And even if he isn't, Robin likes her. So do Olivia and Matt. People like her.
Julia isn't unlikeable.
People like her!
Yet, they walk away from her. They turn their back on her because she's difficult. Or weird. Or not enough.
Her lips quiver. She covers her face as tears form in her eyes. Shaking her head, she opens the journal on her phone.
Autumn, Oktober
Friends: Who knows? Olivia, Matt, Robin.
Why does life have to be so difficult? You want to know how I am. Do I really need to write it down? EVERYTHING SUCKS! Nothing is alright. I didn't choose any of this. I didn't choose to get sick or not be able to hang out with people. To not be friends anymore. I didn't choose to go to the US. Or to be left all alone. All of this happened. And I didn't want it to happen. Life doesn't want me, even though I want it so incredibly bad. Screw everything because I'm not going to give up. I can change again. They can love me.
I need love too.
Tears drop down on her screen. It's a good thing she didn't write on the beautiful white pages of her actual journal.
Why do I need to write this? This won't help. Writing doesn't fix things. It only makes you remember how bad everything is.
I'm so lost. No one can find me.
"This isn't helping," Julia groans. She drops back down on the bed. Her breath catches in her throat, and she tries to focus on her breathing. "This isn't helping," she whispers.
She doesn't know how long she has been lying on her bed, but the sky is dark outside her window. Her phone pings for the millionth time. Rubbing her eyes, she rolls over and grabs her phone. As she reads the messages, she jerks up straight. Her heart pounds in her chest. She scrolls through the photos and comments, stopping at the one that makes her stomach twist. She can't stop staring.
It's Ash. But not just Ash. It's Ash and Ava, and she's sitting on his lap.
The next picture is them sitting closer, followed by one of Ash and Ava kissing. Posted by Maddix; 'Upgrade!' says the caption. Julia blinks the tears away. Ash is cheating. And Ava is the upgrade from her—Ash is cheating! Julia can't believe her eyes.
Because she couldn't come to the party?
Because she was too difficult?
Because he doesn't want her anymore?
New comments keep popping up, getting worse with every new one popping up.
So cute together
Perfect for each other
Julia who?
Would've traded her in too
Where is she anyway?
Everyone should be glad she isn't here
The girl is drama!
Is his ex the girl with the accent?
The weird one
Forget about her. The perfect couple is here.
"Oh." The words come out as a mere whisper. A new comment blobs, and the conversation shifts.
Always taking Mason's leftovers
Ash went from Mason's charity case to his ex. Yikes!
Don't rain on Ash's parade. He's finally done with what's-her-name
Can we have a shout-out to Mason for donating his leftovers?!
Mason>Ash
Julia<<<<<<<<<<<Ava
Julia must have been good in bed. Ash kept her long enough.
When is it my time to dump Julia?
NO! She throws away the phone as if she got burned. Gasping for air, her trembling hands cover her mouth.
No one wants her.
No one likes her.
No one can care about her.
It is her that's wrong. She pushes her hands against her eyes. Her body trembles and her breath shakes before she makes herself stop.
Mindlessly, she takes her bunny onesie from the chair. She walks over to the shower. Turning the water to cold, she undresses. Geen gedachtes meer, geen gedachtes meer, geen gedachtes meer, she repeats the words to clear her mind. She stands under the water stream until her body won't stop shaking. The warmth of her onesie touches her skin. A shiver runs through her body. Laying back on her bed again, she stares into the nothingness. Her mind was completely empty.
---
Translation:
Geen gedachtes meer = No more thoughts
---
Onesies makes think better, don't change my mind
I hope you liked this chapter. If so, don't forget to vote <3
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Lost and Found
Teen Fiction[3x featured] Do you ever wonder if you are merely a wanderer in this world, lost forever and waiting to be found? Julia was suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome, which left her socially isolated as her friends abandoned her. When she's finally s...
