Hope for the Hopeless [Jemily]

Just Clearing the Air

August 5, 2007
— JJ's POV
After two days in the hospital, it's time for Emily to head back to her place for the rest of her recuperation. Actually, she negotiated an early-return with Hotch, so she'll be back at the BAU in a few days, she's just not allowed in the field. I was tasked with driving Emily home, seeing as she couldn't really get behind the wheel yet in her condition. On the way back I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some things for her while she's stuck home. I got back in the car and handed her the shopping bag, "All right ready to go?"

She shuffled through everything, "This is a lot of stuff, Jayje, you didn't have to do this."

"I know but I want you to be comfortable at home. Plus your place never has enough food, it's like a deserted island." Once we got to Em's, I parked in front and opened up the door before heading back to the car to give her a hand. When I walked over I saw her out of the car, closing the passenger door. "Hey, woah!" I jogged over to her, "You gotta take it slow, Em."

"I think I can get out of my car, JJ." I rolled my eyes and held my arm out for her.

"Don't act so macho. I'm here to help you whether you like it or not. Now take my damn arm before you break your ass trying to climb those steps." She nodded and held onto me as I helped her into the house. I dropped the grocery bag off in the kitchen before following a hobbling Emily upstairs to her bedroom. "What do you wanna wear?" I asked Em as she slumped onto the edge of her bed.

"Something comfy. Can you get me a pair of sweatpants? A-And one of my tank tops?"

I plopped my purse down and asked, "Where do I find both of those things?"

"Tank tops are in my nightstand, bottom drawer." I followed her instruction and opened up the bottom drawer of her nightstand. There were at least 20 ribbed white tank tops neatly laying in there, next to about 20 of the same style but black in color. I grabbed one white and handed it to Emily, who put that on with no trouble.

"And the sweatpants?"

"Closet. Set of drawers on the left side, top drawer."

I yelled from the closet, "Baby, what color? There's black and red and grey and--"

"Grey is good, babe." With a pair of sweatpants in hand, I stood in front of Emily. Awkwardly. Not knowing whether or not to proceed, given the new piece of information I learned about her the other day.

"How um... How do you wanna do this?" I pointed to the pants she currently had on, "Can I take these off for you?"

"Mmhmm." Emily nodded, blushing slightly red. I set the sweatpants down next to her and gently grabbed the waistband of what she had on. I tugged them down, inch by inch until they were all the way off. I've seen Emily in boxers before, but knowing what's actually underneath there was making me flustered. I wondered what it looked like, what it felt like, how big she was. Emily's voice called me back to reality, "Jennifer?"

My eyes shot up to her face instead of her crotch, "Huh?"

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Why are you looking... down there?"

"Just uh... No reason. Come on, move your leg out." Emily scooted her leg over, wincing when she tried to lift it. I slid one pant leg up to her waist. Halfway there.

As I moved onto her other leg Emily asked, "You're uh, you're thinking about what I told you at the hospital... aren't you?"

I shrugged, "Maybe." Once her sweatpants were successfully on, I carefully dropped her other leg.

"Be honest, Jennifer... Does it bother you?"

I sat next to her, "It doesn't. Honestly. I've just never... I don't know."

"What?"

"I've known you half my life and I feel like, like I should've known." Emily opened her mouth to talk but I quickly continued, "I understand why you didn't, Em. Really. This whole thing is just new to me. And different."

"Would it make you feel better if I told you that you're not the only one who's felt like this?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Emily motioned to her pillows, "Come here, let's sit." She gently scooted back against the headboard and I followed. She sighed and explained, "This part of me, it's been hidden my whole life. Literally and figuratively. Mother never wanted it in any records, which is why I have to explain it every time I end up in a hospital. After you left France I stayed alone for a while, mostly cause I was too depressed to be with someone else, but I did move on eventually and started meeting girls. I never knew how to explain myself. Some of them didn't mind it, but the majority of them did. They'd be grossed out and leave at first mention of it. But the worst part was when my friends found out. After moving back to the states I had two really good friends in college, Jamie and Frannie, both girls and both gay. We got along great and we were the best of friends, all three of us. One day they walked into my dorm in a rush and neglected to knock. I was alone but happened to have my pants dropped at that exact moment. The three of us had a lengthy conversation afterward to clear some air, but things were basically never the same between Frannie and me again."

"Not Jamie?"

Emily smiled and chuckled, "Jamie was kinda jealous in a weird way. She was pretty masculine, like me, and in a backward way she sort of admired it. We got oddly closer after the incident."

"What was Frannie's problem?"

"It was just hard for her to grasp. She told me that whenever we were together after that, the fact that I had a dick was all she could think about. It was all she could associate with me. I don't wanna be seen like that, JJ."

I nodded in soft understanding, "Of course not, baby. That's so wrong."

"I agree. She couldn't see me the same way ever again, it felt awful. Anyway, I... Let's just say I'm used to it by now. But I really don't want you to feel like that."

"I don't, Em, I promise. And I'm sorry for staring earlier, but it uh... it wasn't cause I was weirded out or anything."

"Oh, okay. Good." She sighed in relief and then questioned curiously, "Wait why... Why were you staring then?"

I looked down shyly, "Nothing, it was nothing." Emily lifted up my chin, forcing eye contact.

She smirked, "What is it, baby?"

"All right I uh... Ever since you told me I... I've kind of been..." I looked away and admitted, "Excited."

"Oh is that so?"

"Mmhmm."

Emily laughed, "Well that makes me feel a hell of a lot better." I giggled and stuffed my face under her neck to hide my blushing cheeks. She kissed my jaw and rasped in my ear, "I've been excited too."